1 I don't know what I'm doing

Have you ever wondered? What do I do? What am I? Why do I suffer? Why am I still here? Why don't I just put an end to all of this?

I often ask myself all of those thing and many more, and I'm here because I don't have the answers. I don't have a book where I can keep all my secret and I don't consider those as my secret. You know when I launched the app, I didn't have time to ask myself: "what am I doing?", it was an instinct. You know as a man you can't express what you are really feeling deep down or else you will get judged by many.

You have to live your entire life alone, because once you open up, once you finally tell what you are feeling you either get scornful looks or left by everyone. Even when you live with the girl you love, the one you feel is the one you can't see your life without her then you are alone.

You feel especially alone because you want to spend time with her so you see less people but you don't want to be a burden, you don't want her to leave you so you keep everything, every problem deep down, you hide them, you bottle up your feelings in the only hope that you can admire her, that you can see her smile.

The only thing you live for is her, the expectation she has, the expectation your family, your friends have for you, the expectation you have for you because you think that is what every person in your life deserve, a friend like you want to be.

But the problem is, you don't take care of you, you don't talk about your problem because you don't want to be a problem to anyone and those people you love they abandon you because they think you don't trust them because you keep everything for yourself, they feel like you are not sincere, you don't communicate, you don't talk.

And because of that hey leave you, because of those reason. And here you are broken, alone, cold, blank, empty.

You are left alone because you choose to be who you are a person who has trust issues or maybe someone who just prefer to keep things for himself. And because you don't cause any problem for anyone they will try to find some until they can.

You are then left alone. You wanted to be someone but you are someone else, you wanted to be good, you were seen as bad, you wanted to be in a pack, you are left alone.

I used the pronoun "you" but in fact it can be the one you want, I, we, her...

Welcome brothers and sisters, to my thought on everything