9 Let it Go

Eden and I began escaping the manor every Saturday, it was the only time everybody was all together. While Edgar was from town, the other boys were from farms miles out in every which direction and could only meet up on market days when their parents came in to sell their family's produce.

It was fun. We mostly played soccer or practised trick shots, but occasionally I got to try out other sports native to this world. Most of them were more primitive since there were no international leagues to set rules and refine details. Most activities here were more along the lines of handball, kickball and other school-yard type games.

While I always enjoyed our outings, Eden seemed more and more reluctant to go each passing week. His stress levels were definitely increasing as we neared closer to his tenth birthday.

I didn't really understand it. It wasn't like the SATs, there wasn't any prep required. From what I read about the ritual, he would travel to the capital city, enter the primary chapel and place his hand on a glowing orb.

The orb would react based off of his magical power level and its attributes.

There was very little chance for error on his part.

The day before he was set to depart was another Saturday. I wasn't sure if we were still going into town so I figured I'd ask him after breakfast. Except Eden didn't come down for breakfast. I spent the meal uneasily glancing at his empty chair.

I wandered up to his room afterwards with a plate of bread and jam. It wasn't the first time he hadn't been at a mealtime, we've all been sick now and again. Though a gut instinct told me he wasn't sick this time.

His closed door seemed more imposing than usual.

I knocked. Silence.

The situation reminded me of something, I couldn't resist no matter how hard I tried. "Elsa?" I asked and began to mock sing. "I know you're in theeerre. People are asking where you've been~"

"Who?" A voice asked flatly on the other side.

"It's Briar," I said in confusion.

The door opened. Eden stared at me with tired glazed-over eyes. "No. Who's been asking where I've been?"

"Uh, well... no one I guess."

"That's what I thought," he said.

"Eden," I said, "Is something wrong?"

"No." He was oddly defensive.

Well, I wasn't going to push it. "I brought you breakfast," I said.

"I'm not hungry."

"It's Saturday today," I said. "Want to go to town?"

He looked at me blankly. "I don't feel like soccer today." I had never seen him like this before.

"We could do something else, we don't have to play with the boys," I suggested. "There's an upper-scale sweets shop that we've never been into. I bet you'd like that. They have all sorts of teas too! I've been saving my allowance, I'll pay!"

"I should prepare for tomorrow," he said and had the audacity to try and close the door on me. I jammed my foot in the way.

"What do you have to prepare?" I asked. "I know the maids are packing your things."

He looked down. "I just..."

"I get that you're nervous about something," I said, "but that's all the more reason to not sit at home all day trapped in your thoughts."

"I guess you're right," he said.

I held his hand comfortingly. "Come on Eden, let's go get blitzed on sugar."

He sighed and let me lead him out of the mansion and into town. He was uncomfortably silent the whole time.

Unfortunately, to get to the shop, we had to pass the usual alley. "Hey it's Briar!" Tommy – formerly known as Freckles- said.

"Hey Briar!" Called Edgar. "You didn't bring a ball?"

"Sorry!" I called. "We have family business in town today! We can play next week!"

The boys booed but returned to their previous activities unbothered.

Eden's expression was even darker than before. "You doing okay there Eed?" I asked.

"No," he finally said.

We stopped and I turned to look at him.

He shook his head. "Briar, is there something wrong with me?" He asked.

"What?" I was all I could manage to say, surprised from his unexpected question.

"What is it about me that makes me so unlikeable?"

Eden, you are breaking my heart. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"I don't know why you even need to bring me into town with you," he said. "You've got other friends here. You could have gone without me today and probably had even more fun."

"They're our friends..." I said weakly.

"No they're not," he said firmly. "You heard them, they didn't even acknowledge me. They just wanted to play with you. They only tolerate me because I'm your brother."

I realized that he was right.

"All we ever do is play soccer and they never pass to me because I'm too clumsy."

I hadn't even noticed...

"Boys are just mean like th-" I started to say but he cut me off.

"Why does mother only pay attention to you?" He asked.

"What?"

"Ever since you guys went to that tea party, You've gotten so much closer. She even talks to you sometimes! She acts like I don't even exist."

I knew that mother was getting closer to me. I knew that Eden craved her attention more than anyone. I hadn't connected how he'd feel about our secret morning rendezvous.

I felt terrible. I think I finally understood what people meant when they told me in the past that I was such a 'typical only child'. I was someone who only knew how to be showered with love, but never really figured out how to return it. Even my profession was about teaching others about self-love.

"I'm sorry Eden..." I said. "This whole time I haven't really been thinking about your feelings even though that's all you ever do for me."

"It's okay," He said, "You're the little sister. It's my job to be looking out for you."

"And you're my best friend, it's my privilege to look out for you," I countered. "Seriously, what is going on? Why are you being so weird recently?"

His voice came out shakier than I expected. "Briar, I'm scared."

His eyes were watering, I didn't expect this. "Oh no, no Eden," I said in a panic, rubbing his arms comfortingly. "You can't cry. I can't see you cry. Why are you scared? What's wrong?"

"Do you know what happens to nobles that don't have magic?" He asked. "They get disinherited or even disowned. What if I don't have magic? What if I don't get to come back after tomorrow? A noble from Casselia has never married a commoner from Sihbar, we have no idea what we're inheriting!"

"They're not going to kick you out on the street!" I said in alarm.

"But what if they do?" He asked. "I'm not like you. If it were you, you could probably survive anywhere, or maybe mother would even fight for you to stay. Neither of them care about me though, and I'm too weak and uncoordinated to survive out here."

"Well, lucky for you then that I'd be coming too," I said. "Although I wouldn't sell yourself too short."

He rubbed at his eyes. "I couldn't let you do that!"

I glanced over at a bench and moved to sit down. I patted the spot beside me and he sat as well. "Wanna know a secret?" I asked, I didn't wait for an answer. "I remember a lot more from being a baby than I think most people do... I even remember the day we met."

"You couldn't possibly!" He said.

"Velma was unhappy and you had to leave pretty quickly," I told him. "Of course, I didn't know why at the time. When I saw you though, I remember it was a moment like a baby duck imprinting on a parent. There was this instant: 'this person right here is my family' and I knew everything would be alright if I just followed you." It was hard to word the whole thing without fully admitting I had a fully functioning adult brain from birth but there were some things I felt Eden had to know. Like how he saved me from a depressive funk following my death, or how he made this world I had felt like a visitor in at the very beginning, my home.

"Remember how as soon as I could walk, I ran out of the nursery and chased you down?" I asked.

"Yes... I do," he said.

"I choose to be around you because it's more fun when we're together," I explained. "Home is where your family is and if you aren't there anymore, that place isn't my home. Don't you feel the same?"

He sighed, "Alright, you're right."

"But still, you're going to be fine, there's no way you don't have magic," I said. "And even if you don't, I don't think mom and dad will kick you out. Lastly, even if they did, I think we'd do just fine out here. We're kind of the perfect pair, aren't we? You're the brains, I'm the brawns, we could tackle anything!"

"True," he laughed then stretched out his arms and stood up. "I feel a lot better, let's get some cake."

As we walked to the shop, he chuckled a bit.

"What?" I asked, just happy to see him chipper again.

"It was kind of a weird thing you said back there. It's not normal to rely on the girl as the brawns. I feel like I'm supposed to have more pride as a guy."

"That's stupid," I said. "By that logic, I should also be hurting because you're way better at embroidery and music than me."

He laughed. "I never thought about it like that! I should have been the girl and you should have been the guy!"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Right?" I paused. "But still, I think it's all fine and perfect the way it is. Let's not get all caught up in stupid inferiority complexes caused by antiquated opinions on gender roles."

"A lot of fancy words right there," he joked.

I shoved him in the side playfully. "Let's like what we like and do what we want without caring what other people think about it. We should be proud of our strengths and not compete with anyone but ourselves over our own weaknesses. Or at least, that's what I think."

He nodded. "Are you sure you're not the smart one too?" He asked.

"I'm just someone who's stumbled upon the key to happiness," I said.

I didn't realize at the time, the profound impact my words had on him that day. I didn't ever think about how my actions altered the plot of the game because, as someone who had never played it in the first place, how could I?

Eden and my parents were gone for several days after that. It took a long time to travel to the capital, and while they were there, it was customary to greet all of the noble families living there.

The house was empty. Figuratively. It was actually still pretty full with all of the servants, but it still kind of felt like I was home alone.

I took the time to train a lot more, with both my dancing and my gymnastics. Still, I couldn't do that all day without break so I took time to explore rooms I didn't usually venture into.

Most of the storage rooms in the manor held a lot of pointless junk. It was in one of those rooms though that I found a trunk not of typical Casselian (European-like) design. Curiously, I figured out the latch mechanism and opened it.

The trunk was filled with stunningly jewelled women's clothing too flashy to be from this kingdom. I figured they were probably Sihbarian dance outfits from my mother's younger days. Most excitingly, the bottoms included an assortment of thin, breathable, boho-like pants.

Finally! Women's pants! I stared up at the sky through the ceiling with tearful relief. It was impossible to seriously practice gymnastics in a dress so I had snuck a lot of Eden's old clothes into the grounds keeper's house. I had been worried about what I was going to do once I hit puberty and our body-types diverged too much. I would have to beg mother for a pair in the future.

Digging a little further through the contents of the trunk, my hand felt something wooden and smooth. I pulled out a strange wind-instrument I'd never seen before. I'd say it was the most like an ocarina, but the shape was still all wrong and there was no saying if it sounded the same.

An idea hit me, and I grinned to myself.

I closed the trunk but took the instrument with me.

A few days later, my family returned. I had been sitting in the library, procrastinating by the window when I heard the familiar sound of horse gallops and large wheels rolling over rocks on the road.

I sprinted at full speed to the front entrance of the house.

By the time I got to the front hall, there was already a bustle of activity, maids and butlers were taking suitcases and removing outerwear. Eden noticed me and grinned.

I ran over, "So?" I asked excitedly.

"I have magic!"

I cheered. "So what can you do? How does it work?"

"I'll show you," He said and lead me to his room. I sat on the corner of his bed expectantly.

Suddenly he looked a little embarrassed, "Don't get too excited, my magic isn't that strong."

"I want to see it anyway!" I said.

He held out a hand and ice crystals began to form.

I reeled. ELSA? It was going to be even harder not to make Frozen jokes for the rest of our lives.

"I can't make anything much bigger than this.. it's not really useful for anything," he said with some embarrassment.

"Are you kidding?" I asked. "We can now have ice cream and frozen drinks in the summer! This is the most important thing that has ever happened to us!"

He stared at me with shocked realization. "Oh my God, you're right."

Wordlessly we darted towards to kitchen, excited to experiment.

I paused as we passed my room.

"What's up?" He asked.

"One sec," I said and dipped into my room, found the instrument I had found in the storage room and returned.

"What is that?" He asked.

"It's called a leete," I said. "I found it in the house and did some research on it. It's an instrument from mother's home country."

"What are you doing with it?" He asked.

"Giving it to you," I said with a wide grin. "It's lame to give someone else's possession as a birthday present but... I think mom would be really happy if you learned how to play it. The truth is, we've been meeting up some mornings before breakfast and she's been teaching me to dance."

"Actually?" He asked in surprise.

"Yeah... sorry I never thought to include you before. I even knew how much you wanted to spend time with our parents." I handed him the leete. "I thought about what I said earlier about using our own strengths... you're so good at music and we desperately need a musician. It's so awkward to dance to silence."

"Briar," he said. "Thanks a lot."

Then he smiled. "Come on! I'm going to figure out how to make us ice cream!"