59 Chapter 39 - Enies Lobby Pt 1 2/3

Captain Dugong smirked eagerly as he held his flipper out to his side. His first mate was swift to fill the waiting palm with a rod of green steel, a shimmering curved blade coming out of one side. Captain flexed his flipper around the naginata, spinning it around his form enough times that, were he even marginally less skilled, he'd be sliced to ribbons. Not to mention the railing suddenly acquiring a wood carving of Captain Dugong himself popping a thumbs up.

"Apapapapapa! Great answer!" Apoo cackled, putting his boot up on the railing. "Now… let's do this!"

And with that, the two Captains leaped over the edge of the ship and straight into battle.

-o-

"…OK, Cross, be honest with me: how long were you planning that horror show back there?" Nami asked at last, jabbing her thumb over her shoulder as we strolled down the street and away from the scene of utmost carnage we'd created not a minute earlier.

I chuckled grimly as I folded my arms behind my head. "Come now, guys, you really think that with literally all of the thousands of inside jokes from my home at my disposal, Soundbite and I haven't planned at least a few dozen instances just like this for scenarios just like these? I thought we'd take advantage of a bad situation and, you know, have a little fun." I tilted my head to grin at them. "You saying you guys didn't have fun, or that you don't like the little badass moniker I came up with for us all?"

Nami glanced away with a slight blush as she scratched her cheek. "…More than my sanity is willing to admit…" she muttered sheepishly.

"For the sake of my Hippocratic Oath, I think I'll refrain from answering," Chopper deadpanned as he stared straight ahead.

"Still say that we should be a QUARTET," Soundbite sniffed in faux indignation.

"Not a chance, our crew is composed of Trios and that is an immutable fact," I scoffed as I waved my hand casually. "To change that would be to irrevocably warp the fabric of reality itself."

"What about the TDWS?" Chopper pointed out.

"Pre-packaged, doesn't count."

"Still—!"

"Before we can start arguing over semantics," Nami cut in. "Does anyone know how far we are from the courthouse?" Her expression and clouds both darkened as she shot sidelong glares at us. "And any commentary on my position or my abilities will be met with pain, got it? Just tell me when we'll hit the—"

She cut herself off as we turned a corner, revealing the courthouse looming larger than life over a rather impressive courtyard that was currently a scene of one-sided carnage as the rest of our small force demolished the last remnants of the Marine defense force.

"…courthouse. Well, that answers that. Should we join in?"

"Eh, I dunno," I snickered, crossing my gauntlets behind my head. "Personally, I've already had my fill of petty fights for the moment. I'm fine with enjoying what's left of the show."

"Speak for yourself!" Lassoo howled as he leaped off my shoulder and charged into the fray with bloodthirsty eagerness.

Chopper watched the hound go with a slight twitch in his eye. "Our whole crew is just a bundle of neuroses, isn't it?"

"But they're our neurotics, so it all balances out," Nami pointed out with a dry chuckle.

"Anyway, let's start walking; by the time we get over there, they should have finished and reached the front doors," I chuckled, taking my own advice and striding up to the massive structure.

And indeed, the time that we arrived at the doors, carefully picking our way around piles of downed Marines stacked like cordwood, was the same time that the rest of our crewmates reached it.

Of course, the first to greet us was a certain Hurricane of Love spinning up to grab our Navigator's hands.

"NAMI-SWAN!" Sanji cheered exuberantly. "I'm so glad to see that you were victorious in your battles! And might I just say that your clouds make you look as truly angelic as dear Conis herse—!"

THWAP!

"Ow!" Sanji flinched before rubbing the back of his head with a sheepish chuckle. "Ah, sorry, Nami-Swan, I was just so happy to see you again, and—eh?" Sanji cut himself off and stared down in confusion at the arm-like bands of cloud wrapped around him. "Uh…?"

"Grgrggh, stupid damn—!" Nami hissed in an embarrassed tone as she all but strangled her wrist.

"Pfhehehe!" I snickered behind my fist. "I take back what I said before: no need to bother yourself with getting therapy, this is just too much fun!"

THWAP!

"Ow!" I flinched and chuckled anew as I rubbed the spot where the cloud had clocked me over the head. "Though admittedly I'll have to watch what I say around you, but eh, small price to pay."

THWAP-THWAP!

The pair of blows, organic and meteorological alike, only made me laugh harder.

Soundbite, meanwhile, shot a cheeky grin at his fellow shoulder-rider. "HOW'D THE headcount contest turn out?"

"Alas!" Su put the back of her paw to her forehead with an exaggerated sigh. "Alas, my dear companion put up an effort most valiant, but she lost by a matter of dozens! I'm afraid that she'll be swabbing poopdeck for the foreseeable future."

"And I'll be using your stupid fluffy tail to do every inch of it!" Conis growled vehemently, strangling the air as she glared bloody murder at her companion.

"You'll have to catch me fi~irst," Su sang as she swished her tail back and forth.

"Good luck hiding WITH ME ON the case!" Soundbite leered mockingly.

"Oh, I imagine that my task will be much easier once I have myself a little slimy snack." The cloud-fox emphasized her point with a snap of her fangs.

The boisterous gastropod responded with his own chomp. "Bring it on."

"Oh, you know I wi—!"

"Unless the peanut gallery has anything meaningful to add," Zoro thankfully interrupted, causing the animals to flinch and grin self-consciously. "Let's move on before the damn bastards who have been trailing us in the shadows catch up to us. Agreed?" There was a moment of muttered agreements from us all. "Good. Leo, you want in on this?"

"A chance to deface yet more Government property?" Leo grinned eagerly as he spun his katana into a ready position. "Hell yes."

"Hey, hey, hey, hold on a second, you guys," I said hastily, jogging up beside them. "Go ahead and slash the doors, if you must, but leave the pieces in place, alright? I need a second to tell everyone what's up next."

The human and Dugong glanced at one another in confusion for a moment before shrugging indifferently. They then proceeded to move, and while the door looked like it was intact, I could definitely feel a stiff breeze flowing through it.

"Alright, then, everyone gather up!" I raised my voice, garnering the attention of pirate, shipwright, King Bull, and thug alike. "Phase one, the approach, is complete," I announced calmly. "Phase two, commencing ingress, proceeds as follows: we the Straw Hats head inside and towards the roof, where Luffy should be waiting for us, and the rest of you work on pulling the levers, located in the towers of the courthouse, in order to lower the drawbridge while keeping as many mooks as you can from following us, and making sure that they don't stop the bridge from lowering. Though don't sweat it if you can't…" I grinned maliciously. "We'll still have a way in even if the bridge gets stopped. Everyone clear on the plan?"

Once more, everyone nodded in agreement.

"Glad to hear it! Now, then…" I gestured at Lassoo, prompting him to pad over me and leap into the air, allowing me to catch him and point his cannon-form at the door. "If you'll pardon me, I'm going to take this opportunity to say Number 9 on my List Of Things I Want To Say At Least Once In The Right Context™, which I composed after saying number one awhile back! And yes…" I tilted my head with a grin as I narrowed my eye and steadied Lassoo. "You did hear a trademark in that. FIRE!"

KA-BOOM!

I strode through the gaping hole in the courthouse's doors as the smoke and rubble settled, Lassoo balanced on my shoulder and a shit-eating grin on my face.

"Order in the court," I announced confidently.

"Oy vey…" I heard Nami groan behind me.

"You swiss-cheesy motherfucker!" Soundbite guffawed.

"Hey, it's a quote bucket list for a reason!" I chuckled as I looked through the settling dust.

It took me a minute to get past the fact that there was a large group of mooks looking at me, and the sheer scale of the courthouse; seriously, I'd been in more than a few impressive churches in my time, and damn, but this place was on par with Notre Dame in sheer stature. Then I turned towards the three-headed judge who was standing nearest the front, debating the appropriate course of action with himself. Then, questioning my sanity in every way possible, I proceeded to open my mouth…

"Oh, a princess!" I cried, pointing at the center head.

Soundbite's expression promptly became fell into poleaxed confusion. "UHH… are you quite SANE?"

Meanwhile, the central head gained a demure grin. "How sweet of you to notice," he purred.

The next instant, naturally, found the other two heads slamming into him. "DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM, YOU RABBLE-ROUSER!" they roared at me.

Soundbite shifted his look to the cerberus-human. "THE HELL—?"

"Oh, so that's why the Central Freeway is closed for repair, because you keep headbutting it," I called out in a tone of realization.

"Precisely!" the center head said, only to be bashed again.

"SHADDAP!" the two other heads growled before turning to me. "AND THE SAME TO YOU!"

My snail promptly 'ah'd in realization. "Now I get it! THEY'RE ALL INSANE, aren't they?"

"Exactly! Though the one in the middle is easily the worst. I wonder if I can mess with them a little—!" THWACK! "OW!"

"You're taking too long, Cross," Zoro growled as I clutched the back of my skull in agony. "You're the one who keeps telling us that time isn't on our side. Start taking your own advice."

"Ugh, spoilsport," I grumbled as I pinned him with a stinkeye. "Hey, we're coming up on a bit that's as serious as the grave and I wanted to have a little more fun before we got into it, sue me!"

"GLADLY!" yelled Baskerville and several onlooking soldiers as they drew their weapons.

My eye twitched in annoyance as I remembered where we were and stepped out of the way. "On second thought? Slice 'em up. And when it comes to the big boy, either aim horizontal or go straight down the middle."

"Right," Zoro grunted before adopting a familiar stance. Then the air began to ripple around him and his swords. Any other instance, I'd probably be wondering how the hell he managed to pull this move off.

"Three Sword Style: Charming Demon Sleepless Night…" Zoro's eyes flashed malevolently. "ONI GIRI!"

But right now? I was quite content to watch as the Marines fell like rain, Judge Baskerville included.

"Now," Zoro grunted as he re-sheathed Wado Ichimonji. "Let's get going."

"Lay on, MacDuff," I said, sweeping my arm forward before glancing over my shoulder at Nami. "Or, well, Lady MacDuff as it were."

"Not so fast," growled a trio of voices, and I turned with annoyance but not much surprise to see the three part-giants pushing themselves back up. Their outfit had been reduced to tatters, but they seemed hardly worse for the wear judging by their glares and steady stances. "Court is in session."

"We plead guilty, and sentence ourselves to breaking out of Impel Down if we lose to CP9, and freedom if we don't," Sanji drawled.

"COURT DISMISSED! BRING IN THE DANCIN' LOBSTERS!" Soundbite cackled.

It was a true testament to the trio's synchronicity that all three of their foreheads erupted with infuriated veins at once.

"You dare to pass judgment in our courtroom?" Bas snarled.

"Such impudence!" Kerville growled around grinding teeth.

"In this sacred house of justice…" 'Princess' rumbled murderously.

In a flash of motion, the trio surged forwards at us, swinging their blade down like a guillotine.

"WE ARE THE LAW!" they howled.

I got ready to duck behind Zoro…

KA-BOOM!

But found the motion to be suddenly rendered moot on account of the Judge(s) whipping their blade up to block an incoming cannonball.

"Hey, now…"

Attention shifted over to Zambai as he marched up to the judge with his still-smoking bazooka perched on his shoulder, flanked by the Square Sisters on one side and Galley-La's foremen on the other.

"I realize that we might not be as photogenic as the Straw Hats," Zambai continued as he loaded a new shell in his cannon. "But don't forget that we're in on this party too. We've got our own pride to think about, damn it!" He shot a thumbs up at us with a smirk. "You guys go on ahead and save your crewmate. Just leave this clown to us."

"And by the way, here." Paulie dug an envelope out of his jacket and tossed it to me. "I'd love to stuff this down Lucci's throat myself, but I'm not that delusional. Just make sure that damn bastard gets the message. Clear?"

I grinned and gave the rope-master a two-fingered salute. "You got it. Give 'em hell, good sir!"

"DO YOU REALLY THINK WE'LL LET YOU GET PAST US!?" Baskerville roared as they swung their blade back.

CLANG!

"YOU DON'T GET A SAY IN THE MATTER!" the Square sisters shot back as they blocked the swing in tandem.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" Tilestone bellowed as he pumped his fists in agreement.

"You think we can manage the Tree Nail Lock here?" Lulu asked, hammer and nails at the ready.

"It's sure worth a shot," Paulie replied with a grin as the collective Baskerville dodged another bazooka blast from Zambai.

"Well, looks like they've got this handled," Nami announced with a confident nod. "Come on, let's get moving!"

"Right behind you, Nami-swan!" Sanji spun after her eagerly, with the rest of us dead on her tail. With my eye on Zoro the whole time, we made it to the stairs easily enough. But unfortunately, as we neared the top…

"Guilty. Guilty."

I tensed in terror as an absolutely demented voice hit my ears and I put my head on a swivel. "Shit, those crazy-ass Jurymen! Soundbite, where are they?!"

"Ah…" Soundbite spun his eyestalks around for a second—

"GUILTY!"

—before snapping them upwards in horror. "ABOVE!"

I looked up along with him and I very nearly lost my lunch when I caught sight of a huge-ass ball of metal falling towards us from the rafters!

"MIGHT OF DAVID!"

Up until Mikey leaped at Leo and spring-boarded off of his crossed blades in order to leap up into the air, gripping each of his nunchucks tightly in his flippers, and caught said ball of metal with the freaking chain!

And he wasn't alone. While Mikey leaped at Leo, Donny spring-boarded off of Raphey's sai and rocketed up at an angle, shooting right past the ball—

"HEROD'S WRATH!"

At just the right angle to spin and slam his bo-staff into the ball, sending both it and the vengeance-addled Juryman attached to it plummeting into the courtroom below.

Unfortunately, not only was the musclebound prisoner swift to get back on his feet…

"GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!"

He was swiftly joined by ten others just like him.

"They're coming out of the damn woodwork!" Raphey cursed vehemently.

Leo ground his teeth for a second as he observed the crowd of praetorian-esque soldiers before suddenly leaping over the edge of the staircase. "TEENAGE DUGONG WARRIOR SQUAD, WITH ME!"

"RIGHT!" the rest of the adolescent Dugongs barked as they leaped after him.

"Wait, what the—!? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?" Boss roared after his students.

"WE'RE HOLDING THE LINE!" Leo shouted back as he and his teammates fell back to back, doing their best to keep all of their madly grinning opponents in sight. "YOU GUYS GO ON AHEAD, WE'LL KEEP THESE PSYCHOS OFF YOUR TAILS!"

Boss ground his teeth for a second before making the executive decision to snap his ropedart out at his pupils, albeit with the thermal-option deactivated. "THE HELL YOU BASTARDS ARE!"

Mikey's response was to shoot the dart out of the air with a swiftly-drawn pistol. "THE HELL WE AREN'T!" he shouted back as he aimed his pistols about. "THIS IS OUR CHOICE, BOSS! SOMEBODY NEEDS TO WATCH YOUR BACKS, IT MIGHT AS WELL BE US!"

"YOU GO ON AHEAD AND RESCUE ROBIN, WE'VE GOT YOUR SIX!" Donny reassured us with a spin of his staff.

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT US!" Raphey roared as she ground her sai together in a flurry of sparks. "WE'RE THE GUARD FORCE OF THE STRAW HAT PIRATES! IF WE CAN'T HOLD OUR OWN, NO ONE CAN!"

"AND IN THE END," Leo tensed as he held his blades at the ready. "THERE'S ONE IMMUTABLE FACT THAT JUST CAN'T BE IGNORED! TO HOLD THE LINE IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY FOR THE SAKE OF ONE'S COMRADES…"

"Oh, here it comes…" Nami groaned as she ground her palm into her forehead. Still, she was smiling just as wide as the rest of us.

The quartet of warriors proceeded to leap at the Jurymen.

"THIS IS A MAN'S DUTY!"

Boss ground his teeth furiously as he watched his students brawl against the behemoths. "You little—! IF YOU BOYS DIE, I WILL PUNCH THE REAPER'S LIGHTS OUT SO THAT I CAN FISH YOU OUT OF HELL, AND PERSONALLY PUT YOU BACK THERE MYSELF!"

"GOOD LUCK, GUYS!" Usopp waved eagerly.

"DON'T FALL BEFORE THE BOYS DO, RAPHEY! GIRL POWER!" Su shouted.

"GO FOR THE GROIN!" Vivi encouraged. Every male in earshot paused long enough to shoot her a glare, the sole exception being Sanji, and even he didn't protest the many, many stink-eyes.

"Anyway, come on!" I waved for everyone to follow me as I continued up the stairs. "They've got this, now it's time that we do our part! And no cutting through the damn ceiling!" I shouted at Zoro.

"Tch…"

"WHY NOT? WHY ARE WE taking the long way to the roof?" Soundbite asked.

"Because if my memory serves me right…" I glanced upwards warily. "Odds are that Luffy is currently fighting Blueno, and we don't want to get in the middle of i—wait, what am I thinking? Can't you hear them?"

Soundbite visibly resisted the urge to somehow facepalm as he narrowed his eyestalks in concentration.

"I HEAR TWO GUYS up there besides the cap'n, and only ONE is conscious. Judging by the breath and heart pattern, BLUENO IS K.O. Currently, Luffy's fighting the other guy. Going by the fur, IT MUST BE THAT WOLF ZOAN YOU MENTIONED."

"JABRA?!" I snapped my head around to stare at Soundbite in shock.

"Yeah… but he sounds almost SCARED—OHHH, THAT'D DO IT!" Soundbite suddenly cackled ecstatically. "LUFFY'S pissed. HE'S ABOUT TO BECOME doggy kibble!"

"Wait, the wolf was mine, right? Who am I going to fight now?" Sanji grumbled.

"My suggestion? Torture Spandam for what he did to Robin," I deadpanned.

Sanji promptly combusted. "That'll work," he snarled in malevolent eagerness.

"Speaking of…" I cast a sidelong glance at Soundbite.

The gastropod's expression promptly soured. "Yeah, I got them. Robin and Franky are hurt…" His scowl morphed into a grimace. "And everything about the bastard gloating in front of them reads SCUM OF THE EARTH."

"Yeah, well—WOAH!" I hissed in panic as I suddenly slammed myself back behind a corner I'd been about to round, narrowly missing a bullet aimed for my head. "Yeah, well, take solace in the fact that we're going to make his life suck very soon. Can you tell me when he looks out his window in a panic?"

"Oh, yeah, easily!"

"Good," I flicked my baton out as I got ready to head out. "Then do that, and then we'll really be able to make that bastard squirm. For now, however?"

I joined my crewmates in charging the hapless defenders.

"GET THEM!"

-o-

"We're a few nautical miles from our destination, Captain!" Apis called down from the crow's nest. She then glanced up at the seagull wheeling away from them with a hesitant look before continuing. "And can I just say that I really don't like this plan? I've been talking to our guide, and according to him, this place's reputation undersells the reality! Birds don't even chance flying over it unless they can enter the stratosphere, and even then they consider it a gamble!"

Bartolomeo menacingly leered up at the Whisper-Girl. "So, basically, what you're saying is that it's a hellish deathtrap that no sane entity, human or otherwise, would ever dare enter no matter what?"

Apis hesitated slightly before exchanging uneasy looks with Lindy and then looking back down at their captain in dread. "Yes?"

Bartolomeo's shark-like grin all but split his face. "Perfect!"

The girl hung her head with a tearful sob. "Why, oh, why couldn't we have been saved by the Straw Hats?" she moaned dismally.

Lindy warbled thoughtfully.

Apis' head promptly jerked as the point hit her dead-on. "Oh, yeah, you're right… they would have been worse, wouldn't they?"

"You got that damn right!" Valentine and 5 called up in acrid tones.

"SHUT IT!" Barto barked at the top of his lungs before nodding at Apis and jabbing a thumb at the crew's newest Transponder Snail. "Alright, brat, get this snail to call the biggest fish it knows and let's get this show on the road!"

Miss Goldenweek cocked an eyebrow in dull interest as she watched the other pre-adolescent on the crew converse with the snail, biting into a rice cracker she was holding before angling her head towards Gin. "Remind me why we're doing this again?"

Gin maintained his own neutral expression as he angled his head towards the painter. "According to the Boss, we're calling the Marines so that we can take credit for attacking that Noble and draw whichever Admiral they send after us on a wild goose chase, which is why we're in these godforsaken waters in the first place."

Goldenweek hummed noncommittally as she sank her teeth into the cracker. "And in reality?"

Gin moaned wearily as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "He wants to taunt the Marines for shits and giggles because he thinks it's fun as hell and because it's what he thinks the Straw Hats would do."

Goldenweek's cracker snapped in half in her mouth. "…You ever wonder how the hell we got into this kind of a situation?"

"Every single day." Gin held his pose for a second before allowing a minor smile to quirk out from behind his hand. "Mind you, that doesn't mean I'd want to be anywhere else."

"Preach it," the diminutive artist drawled as she held up a fist, which Gin met halfway with his own.

"EVERYONE CLAM IT!" Barto suddenly bellowed at the top of his lungs, causing his crew to fall silent as he jabbed a thumb at the vibrating snail resting on a nearby crate. "It's ringing! We should get a connection any sec—!"

He was promptly interrupted by the Snail in question barking out a KA-LICK! and snapping to attention.

Barto turned to face the snail with a grin that was equal parts shit-eating and bloodthirsty, his arms and fingers crossed in front of his chest.

"Helloooooo, Marine Headquarters! This is Black Bart Bartolomeo, calling to—!"

"We know exactly who you are, Black Bart," came a voice that was most decidedly not Fleet Admiral Sengoku—or any Marine officer, for that matter. It was, however, powerful enough to freeze Bartolomeo in place. "And we would like to know how you managed to get ahold of this number and why you are calling us."

Bartolomeo hesitated for a moment before steeling his back and transitioning his leer into a scowl. "I stole this snail off the ship of a World Noble whose nose I personally—" The hooligan-turned-pirate shot a warning look at his first mate, cowing him into silence before continuing. "Broke with my bare knuckles. I'm calling you bastards so that I can take credit for the public service I committed, and so that I can lay a message at the feet of the highest fucker on the food chain I can get my hands on."

It was a credit to the speaker that he didn't even twitch an inch as he regarded Bartolomeo by proxy with an expression akin to boredom. "And what you would like to share with us?" it requested.

SLAM!

The crew of the Cannibal jumped in shock as Bartolomeo slammed his hands on both sides of the crate so that he could better loom over the snail, his visage absolutely beastly.

"Come and fucking get me, pigs," he spat venomously.

There was a moment of silence, followed by the voice speaking up with only a trace of anger amidst the flat calm. "Well, seeing as you managed to acquire one of the few Transponder Snails in the world with a direct line to we, the Five Elder Stars, I suppose you may very well consider your message as having been received."

Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine, along with several of their crewmates, promptly fainted, whereas Gin had to scramble to simultaneously catch an insensate Apis before she could hit the deck and whack Miss Goldenweek on the back as she inhaled her rice cracker whole and started choking on it.

Bartolomeo's smile, meanwhile, dropped into an expression of utmost horror that indicated that he was only a few seconds away from voiding his bowels. However, said expression remained in place for only five seconds before his grin returned, more bestial than human now.

"Well, while I still have your attention…" he growled. "Do your fucking worst."

The Transponder Snail narrowed its eyes and leaned forward in turn. "Admiral Akainu and five battleships will be with you shortly to do just that."

Bartolomeo opened his mouth to say something else—

"WOAHSHIT!"

When a wave of pure presence suddenly swept over the deck. The barrier-man only just managed to stay conscious and catch himself on the crate he was leaning over as the wave struck him like a sledgehammer. The rest of his crew, however, wasn't even remotely so lucky. Rather, about half of them collapsed on the spot with foam bubbling from their mouths. Not even the snail from which the wave originated was spared, and the connection was cut as it too sank into blissful unconsciousness.

Bartolomeo took a few minutes to regain his senses, upon which he turned towards the only other person on the ship who was not out cold. "I think we got their attention," he said in an attempt at bravado.

"No, really? I wasn't sure. So, what are we going to do now, Captain?" Gin whispered harshly; he had no idea what that was, but neither Krieg nor Straw Hat nor anything that he had experienced since he swore his loyalty to Bartolomeo had been remotely close to that level of intimidation. It was the final confirmation to him that he was insane, if he was opposing anyone capable of doing that through a freaking Transponder Snail call.

"Now?" Bartolomeo asked before adopting an ear-to-ear sharktooth grin. "Now we run."

Gin swallowed heavily before nodding firmly. "I never thought I'd say this about retreating… but that's what I was hoping you'd say." With that, he blew out a sharp whistle and swung his arm in order to garner his conscious crewmates' attention. "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE HOP TO IT! DROP THE SAILS AND GET US MOVING, NOW NOW NOW!

It was slow going; many of those onboard were clearly in no hurry to wake up, and only the elapsed time and sailing managed to counterbalance that enough that they had enough people up and working to sail the Cannibal. The fear of what was coming was a mixed motivator; some of the crew were spurred on to avoid it, while others were too overwhelmed to stay conscious.

Eventually, however, the moment that they were waiting for (read: absolutely dreading) arrived: all at once, the wind ceased moving them forward, and the tide ceased swaying beneath them.

"So, Captain," Miss Goldenweek grit out nervously as she stared over the edge of the Cannibal at the unnaturally placid waters they were floating in. "I'll admit that the Calm Belt is probably the safest place in the world to hide from the small army after our hides; they may be able to somehow slip through with their ships, but that won't keep the Sea Kings from seeing them when they surface to get us. But there's one thing that I—and all of us for that matter—want to know." She snapped a fearful look at her Captain. "How do you expect us to survive here long enough for Sengoku to get a leash back on the Mad Dog?"

"Hehahahaha!" Bartolomeo threw his head back and roared with laughter as he crossed his arms and fingers. "It's simple, brat! Hell, it's so simple, it's pure brilliance! See, Sea Kings are just like dinosaurs, right? And the thing about dinosaurs is that they won't go after anything that's not moving! So, so long as we don't start paddling or rocking the Cannibal too much and keep quiet for a few days until this whole mess blows over, then we'll be in the free and clear! Genius, huh?"

For how tense the atmosphere became, they may as well have been experiencing the air deficiency that came from the White Sea.

"And how exactly do you figure that that will work when literally nobody else has ever done that?" Valentine whispered incredulously.

"Because they're always in such a hurry to get out of the Calm Belt, of course! They never stick around long enough to try it!"

Silence reigned anew for a moment until Apis hesitantly raised a hand. "Captain… w-where exactly did you learn about Sea Kings having dynamic vision?"

"Eh?" Bartolomeo blinked at the whisper-girl in confusion. "It's an old sea legend that's been floatin' around docks of Loguetown for years. Why do you ask?"

There was a moment of utter, horrified silence as the entirety of the crew stared at Bartolomeo with a variety of emotions.

Then… the silence was broken by a pop!

In a moment, the crew of the Cannibal was at the ship's railing and staring at the waters of the Calm Belt.

Specifically, they were staring at a spot a few meters away from their ship… where a trail of lone bubbles was slowly drifting to the surface and popping, one after another after another.

"…Captain… permission to speak freely?" Mr. 5 asked in a voice that might have been calm had it not been an octave higher than usual.

Bartolomeo swallowed heavily as a sheen of cold sweat started to shine on his brow. "You know I don't give two shits whether ya do or don't."

"Then in that case…"

Yet another bubble pop!-ed…

And suddenly the ocean erupted with the bubbles of surfacing Sea Kings.

"YOU COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING MORON!"

-o-

'Gold with anger' wasn't usually an appropriate description for describing unholy wrath. In fact, some might even consider such a description to be utterly ridiculous.

And if anyone in Marineford had failed to see the logic in that phrase before that day, they had it thoroughly hammered home very, very hard as their highest superior fumed in response to the numerous status reports coming to him. It was hard to tell how much of it was due to the situation and how much of it was due to the fact that it was still, to reiterate, the middle of the night.

"Admiral Akainu has departed with five battleships by order of the Five Elder Stars to apprehend 'Black Bart' Bartolomeo for attacking a Celestial Dragon vessel," Vice Admiral Mozambia reported grimly. "Admirals Kizaru and Aokiji, however, remain at the ready."

"As ready as they ever are, anyways…" Sengoku grumbled darkly as he shuffled some papers about.

"Unfortunately, that's not the only crisis we have on our hands. The Emperor 'Red-Haired' Shanks has somehow been goaded into a rampage," Vice Admiral Stainless added with a grimace. "Most of our men on the other side of the Red Line capable of getting here in a timely manner are… no longer capable."

"And unfortunately, those that were still available are now tied up in an entirely new fiasco," Vice Admiral Tsuru sighed wearily as she leaned on her cane. "Apparently that damn up-and-comer 'pretty boy' Cavendish decided to refresh the world's memory of himself."

"Where does his bounty sit at?" the Fleet Admiral growled.

Tsuru shook her head with a sigh. "I'm afraid that in truth, he himself isn't the issue, but rather the consequences of his actions." She gave her old friend a solemn look. "He raided a tribute ship headed for Totland… right as Big Mom got a craving for precisely what it was carrying. We suspect he might have contracted some form of clairvoyance to help him achieve her current reaction."

Sengoku's shine amped up a few notches. "Said reaction being?"

"Full-on rampage, and not only is Cavendish managing to keep ahead of her, but he seems to be headed for Wano of all places. Doflamingo and Jinbe are trying to intercept her, but I think that it would be prudent to also deploy Kuma just in case, as well as some of Vegapunk's prototypes."

"As for the rest of those damn dogs," Garp growled as he rubbed the bandage wrapped around his face. "Mihawk is incommunicado as usual, Hancock is ignoring us as usual, and according to Moria's subordinates, he has Thriller Bark set on chasing that damn razor-toothed brat Drake and another big-shot rookie named Hawkins around the Triangle, which they are somehow managing to navigate. So, unless you're willing to spring Crocodile for round two—!"

"I'm not."

"Then yeah, we're out of luck where the mutts are concerned." Garp shook his head with a grimace. "And that's not all. Apparently, Hawkins, Drake, and Barty aren't the only rookies active. Unless I miss my guess, the Straw Hats' actions have incited something of a pissing match amongst all of this generation's up-and-comers. Who's on first?"

"Yeah, I got one, lemme see…" the perpetually grinning Vice Admiral Yamakaji grunted as he flipped through a report. "Alright, here we are: well, for starters, we have Jeremiah Cross's rival, 'Roar of the Seas' Apoo. He's leading the On-Air Pirates and some other crew to attack Task Force Cerberus for some ungodly reason. Commodore Blakely's fighting the good fight, sure, but last reports say that her ships were capsized, so…" He shrugged helplessly.

"Next up, we have the Firetank Pirates led by Capone 'Gang' Bege," Vice Admiral Strawberry drawled. "I'm afraid that there's no good way to put this, so I'll come right out with it: An hour ago, the Firetank Pirates managed to successfully infiltrate and raid Fort Lumose. They got away with every beri and every ingot held within."

Sengoku's eye twitched furiously for a moment before he slowly leaned forward to dig his fingers into the much-abused edge of the conference table. "Fort Lumose," he grit out. "Is the repository for all of the Navy's funding in Paradise. You mean to say they made a clean getaway with a quarter of our liquid assets!?"

Strawberry nodded his head solemnly, causing several of his comrades to hastily duck in order to avoid being brained. "I'm afraid so sir.

"Besides that," Vice Admiral Momonga hummed indifferently as he took the time to polish his Josho Kiryu. "Captain' Kid and his men are attempting to make a bloodbath out of Blackarm Island. Attempting being the operative word here, the instructors are putting up a hell of a fight. Though…" He scowled grimly. "Honestly, that's not that much of a good thing, seeing as how it's just making the conflict draw out even longer.

"And of course, to cap it all off," Vice Admiral Onigumo snarled around his cigar in disgust. "I'm sure we're all quite aware of what 'Mad Monk' Urouge did on Kyuka Island."

The assembled officers all shuddered as one. What had happened on that island was… it was just wrong.

Their revulsion was then swept aside and replaced with existential terror when the room lit up like the new dawn.

"Is there any good news?" Sengoku bit out viciously, sounding about ten seconds away from trying to punch someone; and going by how the Vice Admirals were edging away from Garp, they all knew who his most likely target was.

"U-Uh…" The Hero shed buckets of sweat as he furiously racked his brains before grinning desperately. "Still no word on the Glutton or the Surgeon! No news is good news, right?"

Sengoku snorted heavily through his nose, his mouth opening for a blistering tirade—

Until the thunking of a cane garnered his attention. "Calm down, Sengoku," Vice Admiral Tsuru prompted in a bored yet stern tone. "Remember, none of us are as young as we used to be."

The Buddha-man clenched and unclenched his fists for a moment before forcing himself to relax, huffing out a weary sigh that was filled with his tension. "Yes," he admitted solemnly. "Yes, no news is very much good news."

"A-Ah, F-Fleet Admiral? W-We have an incoming d-distress call from G-76."

Then Chief Petty Officer Helmeppo poked an arm holding a tray carrying a Transponder Snail into the room, and suddenly all that tension was right back where it started. And it then proceeded to grow as a very cocky and very un-distressed voice came through the connection.

-o-

"Hellooo, Fleet Admiral Sengoku," a certain pink-haired pirate purred around the half-dozen pocky sticks she was chowing down on. "Jewelry Bonney here, giving you my fondest of hellos~!"

"Brat," the incandescently glowering gastropod snarled out viciously. "You may not know this, but my patience has been systematically worn down to nothing over the past two hours, so unless you're calling to tell me that you are doing the right and smart thing and surrendering yourself to our authority, I suggest that you—"

"Honestly, I could care less about what you have to suggest, you old fart," Bonney interrupted with a cackle, spraying crumbs all over the snail in the process. "I just wanted to call you to let you know that my men and I have, eh…" She paused to snicker, spraying more crumbs. "Invited ourselves into good ol' G-76 and are liberally helping ourselves to their larder! Oh, and ah…"

Another snicker, this time accompanied by a wave of her hand. And more crumbs, naturally. "Just so you know, we opened our doors to the island's public, so they're in here, too, eating the base's food! Aaaalong with taking whatever isn't nailed down, and they're bringing in crowbars for whatever actually is. Oh!" She snapped her fingers in faux realization, finally swallowing. "Aaand I saw a few guys in cloaks rummaging through these real important filing cabinets, just thought you'd wanna know. Aaaanyways…"

Bonney stretched her arms above her head as she leaned back in her seat. "I just wanted to call you up, let you know that we're having a little shindig here, sooo if you and your shiny brass boys wanna come down here and share a few drinks, we're all ready and—!"

Rather than the typical KA-LICK! associated with hanging up a snail, the connection dropped in what sounded very much like a muffled explosion… which was then followed up by a KA-LICK!, as well as Bonney's practically hysterical cackling.

"Ohohohoh, maaaan, that was awesome!" the Glutton wheezed ecstatically. "I've wanted to give that golden bastard a piece of my mind for ye-e-eaaars, hahaha! The only way that could have been better, the only way, would have been if that damn volcanic mutt had been there too, because then my year would be utterly made! Hahahaaaa, I have got to save some of this grub for the Straw Hats, because I owe them the mother of all gift baskets for giving me the inspiration to pull this off! HAHAHAAAA!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say, you damn bottomless pit," a youthful yet perpetually tired-looking man who was lounging in a seat next to Bonney drawled, his hands moving in well-practiced motions, though touching nothing. "And just for the record, because I think that rum I picked up from the base commander's office is starting to hit me, remind me why I agreed to this brief alliance, again?"

Bonney's cackling cut off as she sent a sidelong glance at her partner in crime before sinking back into her seat, a bone that she'd already picked clean finding itself crushed between her jaws.

"Because," she drawled. "Both of us needed some way to prove that the Straw Hats aren't the only contenders in the competition for Roger's throne, and I wanted to distract the Marines long enough that the Straw Hats aren't overwhelmed at Enies, and I needed you and your crew's help to pull this 'little' stunt off." Bonney then adopted a cocky smirk as she drained the marrow from the splintered bone. "Besides, Surgeon of Death, are you saying that you aren't having fun?"

Trafalgar Law didn't fight the smirk that came over his face as he rested his hands, contemplating his handiwork with slightly drunk awe. "Absolutely not. It's been a long time since I played Jenga, so why would I turn down a friendly game? You first, by the way."

"Why, thank you very much," Bonney purred as she gave the Surgeon a mock-bow.

She then stood up and climbed one of the surgically assembled staircases surrounding a tower of precariously stacked and futilely struggling soldiers with mismatched bodies. Upon reaching her desired piece, she reeled her leg back—!

"Tenderizer!"

And whipped her foot into the Marine's skull, sending him rocketing out of his place and ricocheting off of the storage room's far wall, following which he flipped through the air and landed quite precariously on top of the pile.

Bonney pumped her fist with a cheer. "Oh, yeah! Beat that, beanpole!"

Law barely moved from where he was lounging as he grinned in reply, waving his sword through the air like a conductor's baton as he slooowly pushed another of the Marines out of the pile and floated him up to the top. Even as he worked, the usually stoic pirate's smirk grew to match Bonney's own grin.

'I'll have to thank the Straw Hats when we meet in person,' he silently reflected. 'They might be a bunch of juvenile nuthouses even by Pirate standards, but I sure as hell can't deny that I haven't had this much fun in years.'

-o-

"Incredible, isn't it, Funkfreed?" Spandam crooned to his elephant-sword, his finger hovering dangerously close to the trigger mechanism that would herald the demise of Enies Lobby. "One press of a button and a whole island disappears."

The director of CP9 snickered as he held the Golden Transponder Snail in the palm of his hand, watching the reactions of the prisoners chained to the wall of the room. Honestly, it was hard to tell what was giving him a bigger rush as he toyed with the snail: the sheer power floating just inches below his fingertips, or the expression of deliciously agonizing terror Nico Robin wore whenever he brought the snail out to begin with, much less whenever he threatened to actually activate it.

Sadly for him, Spandam's fun came to an end when one of CP9's newest Devil Fruit users entered the room with controlled haste. Spandam looked up, surprised but not startled, as a grim-faced Kaku stalked over to him, an ordinary—if awake and glowering—Transponder Snail on a tray in his hands. "Chief. Sorry to barge in like this, but to get to the point, your snail is off the hook again and we've received an urgent call from Marineford. The Straw Hats have crossed into an unprecedented level of insanity."

Spandam responded with an expression of pure incredulity. "Eh? Yeah, I already knew about that. I got a report about Straw Hat attacking earlier. He only managed to take down five guards, what of—?"

"FIVE!? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, YOU PATHETIC RAT!?"

"GYAH!" Spandam leaped out of his seat in terror when the Transponder Snail Kaku was carrying suddenly roared and flashed gold. The assassin's grip on the tray was firm, but sweat was glistening on his hands, clearly betraying his tense nerves.

Well, that and the way that his superior was desperately flailing to catch the impassive and truly Golden Snail he'd flung into the air in his terror.

Thankfully enough, Spandam managed to grab the Golden Snail without touching the doomsday button on top of its shell. After sighing in relief and stowing the snail safely in his jacket, the director promptly snapped into a shaky salute. "F-F-Fleet Admiral Sengoku, sir!" he yelped in an equally panicked and respectful tone. "W-W-What are you calling us f-for?! I-I already s-sent you my report over an hour ago! While we, unfortunately, lost the blueprints for the Pluton—" He took a second to shoot a murderous glare at Cutty Flam, who responded by snapping his teeth and growling. "W-We still managed to capture Nico Robin, so the mission went off without a hitch!"

"WITHOUT A—!?" Sengoku started to bellow before cutting himself with a sidelong glance. He then sighed out a puff of infuriated breath as he lost his golden sheen, though much of his prior fury remained. "Without a hitch!? Damn it, Spandam, do you have a brick between your ears?! Haven't you gotten any reports from the main island?! Haven't you been listening to the SBS like I'm sure the whole world is doing right at this instant!?"

"Ah…" Spandam hedged uneasily as he glanced at the drowsy half-awake snail on his desk.

"Er, F-Fleet Admiral, sir?" Kaku hedged uncomfortably as he mentally kicked himself for speaking up. "Chief Spandam put the Tower of Justice on lockdown shortly after we returned with Nico Robin, as a security precaution. The drawbridge is raised and there are no communications in or out as a result, so if there are any ongoing situations on the island, all actions are being run through Judge Baskerville."

There was a moment of silence before Sengoku sighed angrily. "I suppose I can't fault you for that," he grumbled to himself.

Spandam and Kaku promptly sighed in relief, though the assassin was swift to free one of his hands and move it through the air in a precise series of motions: {I want a raise.}

Spandam rolled his eye with a scowl as he signed back. {The monkey prunes on the roof at midnight.}

Kaku's eyebrows shot up to the brim of his hat in a mix of shock and incredulity.

Spandam then frowned as he glanced down at his hands in confusion. "Wait a minute…" he muttered.

"You don't have even a second, Director Spandam!" Sengoku barked. "And that still doesn't account for the SBS!"

"EEP!" Spandam flinched back in terror before shooting a look at his desk. "I-I-I don't know what you're talking about, Fleet Admiral! Everyone in the Tower of Justice has a Transponder Snail, and nobody has reported so much as a ring of the SBS!"

"But that's—!" Sengoku started to yell before cutting off into a snarl. "Damn it… Of all the times for that loud-mouthed son of a bitch to figure out how to use the damn thing's interdiction field… Jeremiah Cross has been preventing the SBS from being broadcast to any snails near him, he's been on the air for the past two hours!"

Spandam froze, his mouth slightly open and snot starting to slide out of his nose as the implications hit him like a sledgehammer upside the head. However, even as Cutty Flam started to cackle and Nico Robin groaned in exasperated despair, the director of CP9 was swift to rally in an attempt to salvage what little (if any) dignity he still had remaining.

"P-P-Please, Fleet Admiral," he pleaded desperately. "E-Even if it is the Straw Hats, t-they're still just o-one pirate crew! T-The last message I received about Straw Hat said that h-he'd only managed to take out five of our men! H-How much damage could they have possibly have caused in a m-measly two hours!?"

Kaku paled in horror as the snail he was holding started to shine and a number of veins started bulging in a very unhealthy manner. "A-Ah, Fleet Admiral? Before you proceed to rip my superior a new one… executive permission to speak freely?"

"Make it fast."

"Thank you, sir." And with that, Kaku gave his commander a flat look. "You had to say it, you absolute fucking idiot."

Spandam sputtered indignantly—

"YOU COMPLETE AND UTTER FAILURE OF A HUMAN BEING!"

—up until Sengoku started bellowing loudly enough to cause the windowpanes to vibrate. Kaku wisely set the snail down and backed away to what he judged to be a safe distance.

"HOW MUCH DAMAGE COULD THEY HAVE CAUSED IN TWO HOURS?! TO START, JEREMIAH CROSS SUBVERTED OIMO AND KASHI AND HAD THEM BREAK DOWN THE GATEHOUSE! THE STRAW HATS AND THE SMALL ARMY OF ALLIES THEY BROUGHT WITH THEM, SIXTY IN ALL, THEN PROCEEDED TO RUN ROUGHSHOD OVER THE REGULAR SOLDIERS! AS FOR THE ELITES, THAT DAMNED SNAIL LEASHED THE WATCHDOGS, BASKERVILLE'S BEEN CUT DOWN, AND THE JURYMEN AREN'T EVEN SLOWING THEM DOWN!"

Spandam's mind managed to peg onto at least one aspect of the rant. "W-Wait, Basker—!? Y-You mean—!?"

"THEY'RE IN THE DAMNED COURTHOUSE!" Sengoku barked. "AND IF ALL OF THAT ISN'T ENOUGH, THE ENTIRE THING HAS BEEN BROADCAST ON THE SBS! NOT ONLY ARE WE LOOKING EVERY BIT LIKE THE INCOMPETENT FOOLS THAT CROSS DESCRIBES US AS, HE'S INSPIRED ALL TEN OF THE OTHER BIG-SHOT ROOKIES IN PARADISE TO FOLLOW THE STRAW HATS' LEAD!"

Spandam looked like nothing so much as a goldfish that had been ripped out of the water and left on the pier.

"IN SUMMARY, THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST HUMILIATING MOMENT IN THE HISTORY OF THE NAVY AND WORLD GOVERNMENT PUT TOGETHER SINCE ROGER'S EXECUTION, YOU INCOMPETENT MORON!" Sengoku huffed and snarled viciously for a moment before puffing out an irritated breath. "Ohhh, but don't just take my word for it. If you don't believe me, try looking out your damn window. I'm certain that you'll be able to see the SMOKE FROM THE ISLAND BURNING BENEATH YOUR FEET FROM THERE!"

Shocked into motion by the sudden spike in volume, the chief of CP9 scrambled to the window of his office, where he pressed his face to the glass… and just stared. Stared at the rampant fires blazing across the island, stared at the utter swath of destruction carved through the center of Enies Lobby, and most important of all, he stared at the roof of the courthouse so far below.

"Tha-That's Jabra…" Spandam breathed numbly. "A-And… Blueno…"

"Let me be clear, Spandam," Sengoku growled behind the leather-faced man, his voice having undergone an unsettling shift from berserk to far too calm. "This is already nothing short of a disaster. So, rather than a warning or orders, I'm presenting you with an ultimatum: If the SBS is still running and confirming that the Straw Hats are currently in Enies Lobby at the first light of dawn, I will be setting sail for the Judicial Island myself along with every Marine that I can muster. Let me be clear, Director Spandam: If the situation is not under control by the time I arrive, there will be consequences."

The room suddenly pulsed with a wave of presence, and it took every last one of Spandam's mental faculties to keep from voiding his bowels.

"Don't disappoint me further."

The connection dropped, and Spandam collapsed to his knees as he desperately clutched the sill of his window. His mental gears slowly began grinding again, processing the nightmarish amount of information he had just heard. OK, so the Straw Hats were advancing at an alarming rate. But surely they wouldn't be able to get past CP9. He called to mind that his entire goal was to end this so-called 'Great Pirate Era.'

In the end, no amount of bad publicity would be able to cause a permanent mark on him, so long as he was the one responsible for bringing the last key to the Ancient Weapons left in existence under the control of the World Government. All he needed to do was order CP9 to subdue the Straw Hats, and escort Nico Robin safely to the Gates of Justice. Yes… Yes, once the demon was on her way to Marineford, his future was secure.

Lulled into a semblance of calm with his reasoning, Spandam clawed his way back to his feet, turned back towards his subordinate, and opened his mouth to give his orders.

"Ooooh, Spandam, Spandam, Spandam."

Said orders died when Kaku and Spandam both froze as the un-hooked Transponder Snail on Spandam's desk suddenly adopted a sickeningly familiar leer and started speaking in an even more familiar voice.

"Shit," Kaku summarized weakly.

"Cross—!" Robin gasped out.

"With all due respect, Robin?" Cross interrupted, directing a flat stare her way. "Cram it. You've had your say, this is ours. And as for you!" The snail turned its attention back to Spandam. "I'm just curious… why are you acting so surprised, Spandam? I mean, shouldn't you have seen this coming?" Cross bared his teeth in a vicious parody of a smile. "After all… you stole a demon from a pack of devils. Did you honestly think that we wouldn't BRING HELL ITSELF TO STORM THE VERY GATES OF HEAVEN TO GET HER BACK!?"

"Y-You—!" Spandam bit out indignantly.

"Allow me to demonstrate!" Cross continued before adopting a scowl. "ATTENTION ALL MORTAR TEAMS!" he barked, not in his voice, but rather in Spandam's.

The genuine article blinked in confusion. "W-What the—!?"

"AIM ALL CANNONS AT THE PREDETERMINED TARGET IMMEDIATELY!" 'Spandam' ordered. "ON MY MARK… FIRE!"

The blood drained from Spandam's face as he connected the dots. "You didn't…" he whispered numbly as he slowly turned on his heel to stare out the window in horror.

His pallor quintupled when he caught sight of well over a dozen mortar shells rocketing straight at him.

"You wanna know the best part of this little scheme?" Cross stated, as if he was discussing what he'd had for lunch. "I didn't even need your voice to set it up. I just had to make myself sound like the most worthless, arrogant, self-entitled piece of primordial ooze on the face of the planet, and your men just ate. It. Up. How crazy is that, eh?"

Spandam didn't have remotely close to enough presence of mind to react to the insult. In fact, despite the incoming flight of death, he found himself unable to do more than stare in horror, his mental gears utterly locked up.

"Oh, for Pete's sake—!"

Up until Kaku grabbed the back of his collar, tossed him farther back into his office—

"TEMPEST KICK!"

And lashed his leg out at the window, sending a wave of razor-sharp wind barrelling out of the office's window and slamming into the shells in mid-air.

KA-BOOM!

Which, naturally, caused them to explode, and the resulting shockwave blew out the office's wall.

Kaku guarded his face for a second with a wince as shrapnel bounced off of him before shooting a scowl at the grinning snail on Spandam's desk. "You do realize that your comrades were in here too, correct!?"

"And you do realize that I knew that there was no chance in hell of Spandam not having a Cipher Pol Operative guarding him at all times, right?" Cross shot back tauntingly. "Anyway, we're almost to the top of the courthouse and Luffy should be done neutering the mutt any second now. See you soon…"

Cross's smile widened demonically.

"Long-neck."

The connection shut off just as the blood drained from Kaku's face. "H-How the hell—!? I haven't even known for more than an hour!"

"Known what?" Kalifa asked as she and the rest of Cipher Pol No. 9 Shaved into the decimated room.

Kaku shot a panicked look at his fellow agent, at which point his terror suddenly intensified. "H-He, Cross… h-he just called me 'Long-neck!' A-And you—! B-Bubbly—!"

Kalifa instantly paled as well, the implications hitting her like a sledgehammer. "B-But that's—! But he—! H-How!?"

"I don't know," Lucci interrupted his fellow agents, his voice as firm as steel and his expression ten times harder. "And I don't care. Either way, it won't matter once he and all of his crewmates are dead, and unless you two shape up right now, you will be joining them. Is that clear?"

Kaku and Kalifa stared at him in naked terror for an instant before straightening their stances and nodding firmly. "Yes, Lucci," they said.

"Good. Now…" Lucci turned a predatory glare at the gaping hole in the wall. "Where are they?"

"Ahem."

Lucci blinked and spared a glance at the pigeon on his shoulder, who was cocking his head in contemplation. "Check, check check, check. Well, now," Hattori nodded definitively. "It would appear that they have approached close enough for us to be within range of the snail. Unless I miss my guess, perhaps he is performing this feat subconsciously?"

"Ah, r-right, right!" Kaku slapped his hand to his forehead. "Sorry, forgot in all the excitement, they're in the courthouse, it's how Cross knew when to order the mortar teams to fire on us for maximum effect. Apparently, they've managed to fight their way past the entire island."

Lucci shot Kaku a warning glare before marching over to the room's impromptu balcony and glancing downwards. He then froze the blood of his comrades in their veins when he bared his teeth in a snarl.

"What," he bit out furiously. "The blue hell does Jabra think he's doing?"

"Well, he's a Carnivorous Zoan as well, just without as much discipline as you. I would assume he let his bloodlust for fighting Straw Hat get the better of him," Hattori mused.

"…I think I could get used to you being able to talk," Lucci stated neutrally as the rest of CP9 joined him in observing the fight below.

"Well," Kalifa stated frigidly as she adjusted her glasses. "There's only one way to describe this particular stunt."

"Sexual harassment, chapapa?" Fukuro deadpanned.

"Suicidal stupidity."

"R-Right, right! He-He's fighting Jabra, that's nothing to worry about," Spandam sputtered with growing confidence, apparently not hearing Kalifa as he turned his head. "Unchain the prisoners and bring them over here. I want them to observe the exact moment when Straw Hat's life is ended."

The agents of CP9 exchanged uneasy glances, but a subtle jerk of Lucci's head prompted Kumadori to march back into the office and drag Franky and Robin back with him by their chains.

"You do realize that you are in way over your head, right, Spanda?" Franky sneered at the chief of CP9. Said smile was then wiped off when Kumadori backhanded him with his fist, prompting him to snap his jaws at the pink-haired man.

"Silence, you disrespectful cur," Spandam ordered in a tone that, from anyone else, would have been more than halfway menacing. "Let this serve as a reminder to you of the true might of the World Government. No matter how strong you think Straw Hat may be, Enies Lobby has stood as a stronghold for centuries, and I'll be damned if a rubber-brained rookie annihilates that reputation in a single night."

Franky snarled at Kumadori for a second longer before smirking menacingly. "Well, you're right about that, at least."

A spike of fear drove into Spandam's mind for a moment as he pictured what would happen if, by some miracle, Straw Hat actually won. The next instant, however, he banished the thought from his mind as he looked over the edge and called down to the wolf Zoan.

"FINISH HIM, JABRA! SHOW THAT WORTHLESS PIRATE THE TRUE MIGHT OF CIPHER POL 9!"

-o-

Jabra's ear flicked slightly as he felt a sudden spike in his ever-present urge to rip Spandam's head from his shoulders.

Under normal circumstances, the Zoan-user's enhanced senses would have most likely picked up Spandam's words of 'encouragement' with ease.