14 CHAPTER FOURTEEN LINCOLN
It's been weeks since Lux effectively shut me out. It hurts to watch her struggle with the weight of this alone. I have been so patient waiting for her to open up and tell me anything but she keeps everything so casual and concealed.
She still tries to make excuses but now I'm not oblivious to the truth. I try my best to not notice the new bruises peeking out from under her clothes, it fills me with rage that I don't have the power to change her situation without betraying her trust.
When I try to be there for her she quickly shuts me down, something she has done since her stepfather started this nightmare for her. But this time I took notice and her words never seemed to hold as much truth as they once used to. I was now able to easily pick apart the lies that I once wouldn't have questioned.
I am beyond frustrated. I know her plan is to wait this out, we only have our senior year left before we head to college. I often worry she won't make it that long no matter how strong she thinks she is.
The happy Lux I knew was now a shattered memory. Nothing about my life was healthy anymore, the future I had envisioned for us had indefinitely been altered.
My thoughts weren't interrupted when I heard a rock hit my window. I looked down to see Lux standing there. Her eyes were puffy and she was tugging at the sleeves of her hoodie.
I motioned for her to go to the front door which I unlocked and she followed me up to my room.
As she stood in front of me at 11:45 PM on a school night I knew something was wrong.
'Lux?' I walked toward her slowly reaching one of my hands out to close around hers.
'What's wrong?' I finally asked.
She looked down and then back at me, she gripped my hand back, tighter than usual to let me know she wasn't ok.
She came here, she is trying.
As she stared in my eyes I saw nothing but uncertainty from hers. It seemed like she wasn't sure why she was here. She collapsed into me, not able to hold back anymore.
I held her and told her she was safe. She quivered in my arms, a sign that something traumatic happened.
'Link, I'm sorry' she mustered. 'I didn't mean for any of this to happen,' she whispered.
'I know' I reassured her. 'Are you hurt?' I asked.
She nodded.
'Can I see?' I asked unsure.
'Can you just hold me?' She responded.
'Of course'. As I held her in my arms I was happy she came to me but on the other hand I was devastated. I didn't know what happened. I wasn't sure if he hurt her, if she hurt herself, or both.
After she calmed down a little she took a step back and unexpectedly said it was late and she should probably get going.
I pulled her back into me and whispered in her ear sweet nothings, making sure she knew how beautiful she was and how much she was loved. As I placed my hand on her back, I felt her wince and tighten up. I didn't react and instead asked in the nicest way possible to physically check her out and see if she was ok.
Hesitant she finally nodded in agreement before I lifted up the back of her shirt to see red lash marks. They looked the same as the ones I remember on her lower back when she was in the hospital.
Rick had punished her. No one deserved the marks I saw in front of me. Lux hadn't let me see her without clothes for awhile now and she had been extra careful to keep up her facade so I took the time to look over her while I was still firmly holding up her shirt up. As I canvassed her sides I saw more bruising, some yellow in color which were older and some dark bruising which was newer. Looking further at her hip I saw unforgiving cuts, some older but mostly new.
As if my stare had burned her skin she pulled her shirt down and looked me in the eyes. For a brief moment I saw how wounded she was on the inside. A battle with herself she wasn't winning anymore. She was so close to letting me in.
'I burned dinner.... and I um' was all she could say.
He whipped her for burning dinner. What the actual fuck. Dinner was more important than her well being in Rick's alcoholic eyes. The tortured girl in front me looked down, hiding in embarrassment.
'You're staying here tonight' I said firmly giving her no other options. I went into my closet and found her a change of clothes to sleep in. I quickly ran to my bathroom and pulled anything that looked like it was sharp or could cause any type of damage. I didn't trust her in the current state she was in. I then grabbed some prescription strength pain medication I had from when my
wisdom teeth were pulled and told her to take them.
I put Netflix on and we both laid down in my bed. She curled up to me and I played with her hair while we relaxed watching the tv in front of us. I could tell the pain medication was working. Her whimpers subsided and she fell asleep not long after.
The next morning Lux woke up confused, almost as if she had blacked out last night and couldn't remember what she was doing here.
'Morning love' I kissed her forehead.
'Morning Link' she grinched back. She never was a morning person.
'How are you feeling?' I questioned.
'Good' she smiled.
Her answer caught me off guard. She was really going to pretend nothing was wrong.
'I'm not ready to talk about it,' her facial expression more serious now as she caught my reaction to her comment.
'You have to eventually,' I told her.
I could see the denial engulf her like it was a tangible being. She was trying so hard to make herself believe this wasn't happening to her. She wasn't hurt and nothing was out of the ordinary or wrong.
'I'm really happy you're here,' I added. I reached for her hand and gripped it the same way she had done to me the night before, hoping she knew I was here and ready to listen if she was ready to trust me with her secret.
'You don't have to be guarded with me, I hope you would know that by now. I am so in love with you. I promise you all I want is to take care of you and love you for as long as you'll let me.' I poured my heart out to her hoping it would finally reach her. She needed to let some of this burden go, I want to help shoulder it, I need to shoulder it for her.
'Lux, baby, please,' I pleaded.
'Stop' she started crying. 'Please just stop,' she begged. 'You don't get it,' she started to raise her voice.
'How am I supposed to look you in the eyes and tell you the things he has done to me. How am I not supposed to be embarrassed that my body reacted to things I didn't even know it could do. That sometimes I can feel his rough hands creeping all over my skin and his warm beer stained breath in my ear. My own body betrayed me!' she panted, still yelling.
The flood gates had opened. She was pacing back and forth, her skin red hot with anger, for a moment she was honest with herself and me; she let her guard down.
I knew her anger wasn't directed at me, she was right after all, I couldn't possibly understand or pretend to know what her life with him was like. I welcomed her rage, she needed this. I needed this. I needed to know she was still fighting, she was still with me, the stubborn as hell, beautifully blond and pale girl I fell in love with.
'He used to love me, why doesn't he love me anymore?' She stood there now almost lifeless, wondering how the monster in her closet didn't love her. After everything he had done to her she thought she was the defective one.
Without notice my mom appeared in the doorway, reminding me we weren't alone. I wasn't sure when she had appeared or what she heard but Lux stopped talking as my mom made her way across the room towards her.
Lux looked up at my mom and then at me terrified. Before I could speak my mom had reached Lux and broke the sudden tension that had filled the air.
'Lux honey, come sit with me. Link breakfast is downstairs.' She didn't say it as a suggestion and I complied with her subtle order before mouthing 'its okay' to Lux as I left my room.
