The dirtiest of bar counters

For the past few days, Claud had been busying himself with gathering information on the Julan treasury. The Julan treasury, like most other treasuries he routinely paid a visit to, was situated far from the Julan main house.

This odd phenomenon could be chalked down to the fact that nobles had a weird conception of security. To them, the threat of being stolen from by commoners was far lower than having a family member sneak in and filch some treasures, so to them, it was common sense to build the treasury away from living areas. If Claud's memory didn't fail him, no one from the family was allowed to reside within a half-kilometre radius of the treasury.

It was odd, like most noble things, but this fact had always worked in Claud's favour. This meant that in case something happened, the nearest reinforcements would always be a few minutes away, even if they moved in a full sprint.

"How are your preparations?" Claud abruptly asked, without looking up.

"Darn." A voice came from behind him. "How did you know I was sneaking up on you?"

"Instinct, naturally. So? How goes your bombs?"

"I've managed to plant a hundred and forty-two of them within all structural supports of the Julan main house," Lily replied. "They can all be detonated remotely, when you need it."

"Alright." Claud looked down on the floor plan of the Julan treasury and smirked. He had managed to get a near-complete picture of the place, which was really impressive. The guards there had very loose lips, and after some drink-sharing — in which Claud used the alcoholic piss from Triple-D — they had blabbed about everything.

In fact, Claud had even gotten a manifest of the items there, and he was pleasantly surprised to see that there was a modest amount of lifestones, most of them high-quality ones. It was a pity that there weren't pure-ranked ones sitting around, but this was a barony, after all.

"Right, is there any great treasure that isn't mentioned on this list?" Claud asked. "It'll be a shame to destroy it, so I intend to grab anything that sounds useful."

"Great treasure…" Lily's chin fell on his head — an action she had taken a liking to for some reason — and she began to sway from side to side. "Hmm. I think there might be rather useful artefacts for your…time-sensitive high efficiency fetterless trading. I'll make a list for you later."

Claud chuckled. Clearly, she had figured out that these words formed an acronym for the word 'theft'. To be fair, however, anyone watching him bustle around for information would immediately get the feeling that he was a professional at breaking into houses. No, what he was relieved about was the fact that Lily didn't mind that he was a thief…especially a thief that was stealing from her family.

"Still, don't you mind that I'm in this trade?"

"And why, pray tell, would I do that?" Lily asked back. "It's not like I'm standing on any moral high ground. Moons, I'm planning on destroying my ancestral home with lots of explosions. I'm relieved that you aren't even judging me from that."

"Why would I do that? Explosions sound cool. They've been the subject of many novels, right?" Claud bobbed his head, and Lily moved with it. "Real men don't look at explosions! Go out with a bang! Couples should blow up!"

"What's with that last one?"

"Something Schwarz came up with after a couple threw up on his bar counter," Claud promptly replied. "He was quite pissed, but it was his fault. He let the vomit dry on that thing out of rage, and only wiped it down after a few hours. The stench was horrible for the next few days."

"He…didn't clean his counter after someone threw up on it?"

"Kinda sorta?" Claud tilted his head.

Lily made a gagging sound.

"Throw up on me, and I'll string you up by the ankles," Claud warned.

After a few deep breaths, the gagging stopped. "Can I ask a question?"

"You may." Claud observed Lily, who was now sitting beside him, and chuckled inwardly. "Go on."

"…How dirty is Triple-D's bar counter?"

Claud chuckled out loud. "This is a mystery that reaches to the highest heavens, a question that even the Coloured Gods might not be able to answer. Are you sure you want to know the answer to that question?"

"What, are you better than one of the Coloured Gods?" Lily punched his elbow lightly. "Spill it, or I'll blow you up."

Faced with an unreasonable threat, Claud decided not to hold back. Stowing away the documents in front of him, he cleared his throat pretentiously and said, "So, you probably can guess that I'm a regular visitor of Triple-D, right? A tavern that doubles as a bar is a great place to pick up information. Lots of things flit in and out on a regular basis. I've been there for over ten years."

"Ten years? How old are you now?" Lily asked.

"Hmm. I'm around twenty-six."

"So around as old as us, then."

"I wonder how the others would feel if they knew that you leaked out their age to me," Claud muttered.

"I'll blow them up if they complain," Lily replied.

For a moment, Claud bemoaned the passing of the quiet, unobtrusive Lily. This new model probably had some mana circuits burned on wrongly, from how she was now threatening to blow up anything and everything.

"Go on," Lily prompted.

"Where was I?"

"You were talking about ten years and all."

"Right. Okay. To be more exact, I've been sitting there and watching Schwarz take over from his father as bartender. Now, his father was a fastidious fellow; he loved to clean his counter. Did you know that it used to be a rich golden-brown? The wood was maintained in such a great condition that it could rival the centerpiece of a count's living room."

Given that Claud had indeed paid nocturnal visits to some counts, he was well-placed to attest to that fact. Lily, however, didn't need to know the details.

"Golden-brown?" Lily blinked. "Did the master change the bar counter after he took over? Right now, it's grey, right?"

"Mm. I'll get back to that later." Claud grinned. "Schwarz, back then, was the rebellious kind of guy. If his dad said one thing, he would do another. His father was a messy fellow at home, so the Schwarz today always made sure that his house was nice and neat. The same logic applies for the bar counter."

"So…"

Claud could practically hear the gears in her mind spinning, and then he began to laugh madly as her face twisted into one of revulsion.

"He…hasn't cleaned it. At all."

"Yes," Claud replied through his mirth. "Schwarz doesn't make it a point to clean his freaking bar counter. At all. That ash-grey colour? It's the natural result of dust, puke and blood wiped down without much care."

"I am going to slaughter that fellow."

"You have a contract with him, sworn under the light of the Moons," Claud reminded her.

Lily made an odd sound, and then got up her chair.

"On the bright side, however, you weren't the one who rolled her face on it when drunk," Claud added. He glanced at her uncomprehending face. "On the night we met."

"That at least explains why Farah's face was itching madly when she woke up."

Claud winked back in reply, before taking out the floor plans once more. He hadn't quite told her everything — Schwarz didn't just not clean the bar counter because he felt like being contrary, but it was because he didn't want to be reminded of some things.

This, however, wasn't something Claud would share. It was the good bartender's own private issues, his own Moon to bear. Perhaps, in the years to come, Lily would eventually learn about everything from the bartender himself, but whatever it was, this wasn't for Claud to talk about.

"You've been looking at this for the past day," Lily abruptly said.

"That's what I normally do," Claud replied, re-committing the layout to his memory. "Only when one is assured of oneself can they remain undefeated."

"Who came up with that?" Lily asked.

"I did," Claud replied. "Why?"

"No, nothing." She searched around her pockets, and then took out a small box, one that reminded him of the sleeping Crown. Unfortunately, its exterior wasn't the fluffy velvet Claud was used to, nor did it have an 'act cute' function. Most crucially of all, her box clearly wasn't alive.

"Why am I getting the feeling of being looked down upon?" Lily asked.

"Huh?" Claud blinked twice. "You must be dreaming. Give me a reason to look down on you first."

"Erm."

After a few seconds of thought, she shrugged. "Anyway, this box is an activation device for the explosives I've placed in the Julan main house. I'll leave it to you to detonate as and when you see fit."

"Thank you for your hard work."

"Anything to stop my family." Lily made a sad smile. "After all this…I wonder, what should I do?"

"You're contractually obligated to return to Moon Mansion and spend your days there," Claud replied.

"…Right." She shook her head. "Anyway, remember to use this. I didn't spend the past few days under disguise for nothing."

"Gotcha." Claud looked through the floor plans once more and ran a mental simulation of his break-in. After assuring himself that it was perfect, he nodded slowly. "I'll make my move tonight."