16 Something to Fill the Hole

Aiden snorts, but his eyes don't quit meet mine. "Getting high? Are you kidding? This power is so much more than that: We can heal with it, or paint a picture, play a prank, or build a house. We can fight, or support . . . The only limitations are your imagination, and the strength of your power. Someone like you could probably learn to move the Eiffel Tower without help."

I gape. "Me? But I couldn't even pull it in and make those flames by myself."

"Only because you don't know how."

"So show me!"

"I can't, not yet." Aiden sounds genuinely apologetic, but my alarm bells scream.

I stiffen. "I knew it. This is all a line—"

"No, it's not."

"—according to you I'm a natural, so unless you can deliver on that river of shit you spewed, you're just a used-car salesman."

He chuckles. "You're beautiful when you're pissed, you know."

I scoff and get to my feet. He catches my wrist, softly, but I pull away, brush the sand off my ass and walk towards the path next to the building. "Bye, Aiden. It's been real."

"Wait!" He's laughing? Asshole. "Kate, please—"

"I don't play games, Aiden. You said you didn't, either."

He darts past me when I reach the gravel. "Please, stop for a second. Let me explain." He turns to walk backwards in front of me, his hands up. But he doesn't touch me.

"Explain what? That you're good at reading people, but otherwise full of it?"

"No. I didn't say you couldn't learn. Just not yet." He's got his hands up, palms facing me.

"What are you doing?"

"You said if I held you against your will again you'd remove my left testicle. I hate to break up a matched set." He grins. "But I also want you to stop. Please?"

I stop walking and fold my arms. He stops too, still smiling.

"Thank you." We're deep in shadow here—only able to see the path as a slightly-less-dark smudgy line along the ground. But even in the near-perfect darkness I can sense the anticipation in him. He steps into my space and I'm suddenly aware of how tall he is. But he tips his face down. I look down at my hands to avoid the pierce of his gaze.

"Potential is only a promise, not a guarantee. I can't teach you yet. To channel for real you'd have to . . . well, join us, for lack of a better word."

His eyes seem to get darker and my breath catches when he pauses.

"Join what?" I whisper.

"The Shades. We have . . . rules. So if anyone does anything stupid, they're accountable. It's a formality. But it means I can't give you lessons. Not yet. I wasn't even supposed to show you what I did yesterday." He's still smiling, but his tongue flashes out to wet his bottom lip at that thought.

"If you can't teach me, why show me the power at all?"

The tension in him is palpable, yet his smile sounds genuine. I don't know how to read the mood he's in.

"Because you'd eventually go looking for it anyway. The potential in you is obvious for anyone who knows the signs."

"Signs?"

He opens his hands. "You're looking for something. It's why you're a drug addict."

"Recovering addict," I correct him darkly.

He shrugs. "Whatever. Normal life isn't enough for you. You aren't satisfied, and it pisses you off. You need more. But so far, you haven't found it. You're . . . seeking. Drawn to things that scare you. Smart enough to know you should be scared. Self-analytical enough to know when you're wrong—eventually," he smirks. "And you love."

"What?" I snap my head up. To hell with avoiding his eyes. "What does that mean?"

Suddenly, he's so close, we're almost nose to nose. The light in his eyes deepens shadows. For a blink his face looks like skin stretched over a skull, then he licks his lips, his eyes drop to my mouth and I shake off the stupid thought.

I'm disappointed. This sounds like a line. That is, until he whispers, eyes alight with conviction. "You love. You're capable of it. You see other people. You feel, Kate. You wish you didn't because all it does is bring pain. So you tried to bury it under drugs until that hurt too much too. Now you're walking around needing and nothing can fill the hole. It drives you crazy."

I swallow and clasp my hands to fists in the pockets of my jeans. I want to spit, and swear, and accuse him of amateur psychology. Except I can't get the words past my lips because he's right.

He's also not finished.

"You tell the world to go to hell because you're already there and you don't want to be alone. But if you found the right thing, the right person, you'd give yourself up completely. Surrender."

His tone puts a slant on the word that makes it sexual. Or maybe I feel that way because his finger traces my hairline at my temple, pulls a strand of hair over my shoulder and strokes it down my back. I squirm away from him with a warning glare.

"That's BS," I say breathlessly. "I'm the most cynical person I know."

The suggestion is out of his eyes. "Not trusting people is different to being a cynic."

I snort. "And how would you know which I am? How would you know any of that?"

"Because I'm the same." He blinks and something crosses his face that makes me think he didn't mean to admit that.

I force myself to soften my tone. "Is that why you became a Shade?"

He twists one of the leather bracelets on his wrist, his black-painted fingernails flicking at the bead used to clasp it. "You could say that."

When he doesn't offer more, I play with the frayed cuff of my sweatshirt, desperately trying to find my balance. Although I wouldn't have phrased it that way, it's like he peeled back my skin, pointed at my heart, and described it to me.

"Does it—the channeling—fill the hole?" I ask so quietly I'm afraid he won't hear it.

"So much it overflows," he whispers back.

I know my face must show at least some of my hope.

Aiden offers a smile that softens, turns him from a brooding, sexy, scare-tactic, to someone whose arms I want to sink into.

"So, do you want to try it?"

I gasp, "No!"

Maybe.

Definitely.

*****

ENJOYING THE READ? Because this book is complete, it doesn't need powerstones anymore--but my entry for the WebNovel Spirity Awards (2021) does: LOVING THE FORBIDDEN PRINCE. Please consider giving your votes or gifts there instead! And thank you for reading, no matter which book you love!