1 prologue/first chapter

I will not say that I am sorry. Never. After all this time, I still had an incredible life, but deep down I knew what was happening. I even had the faith in my own hands. Just at this moment I realized, that I have been living in a different life. It all was a lie. Everything suddenly made sense, but there was no change. Now I am laying with my head on the cold bench, surrounded by nothing more but darkness, while I am hearing the gruesome screams of agony, from people that where in the room next to me. This is my end, and this is the story, how it all began...

'Katherine! Katherine, come downstairs. Your father and Ann just came back!' I rubbed my eyes; I just woke up from a nap I took that afternoon. 'I am coming mother.'

It was at least a month ago that I had seen my sister Ann for the last time. She had been traveling through the England with my father. I hurried down the stairs, almost tripping over my own dress. They stood in the middle of the room.

My mother was delighted that they where back from the journey. 'Aah, look at your sister. She looks even more beautiful than when she left! Missed my honey so much!' Mother hugged her tightly and smacked a kiss on her cheeks. Somehow, I felt kind of ignored. I just stood there, a bit awkwardly. I decided to give her a complement, hoping to start a conversation; which we barely had.

'You dress looks really wonderful. Where did you buy it?' Ann looked up to me, surprised, like she did not notice me in the ten minutes I stood there. 'Its lovely to see you to Kath.' It was obvious that she was sarcastic, putting a fake smile on her face. 'I would love to tell you where the dress is from, but I think it is slightly to expensive for you to buy. Besides that, with your clumsiness, it would never be a good idea to wear something like this.'

She was right about that. Weirdly enough, Ann always had more money than I had. I never really had understood why.

My mother felt the tension in the air and changed the subject. 'Katherine, it seems like a good plan if you will make the table ready for us to dine. The two of you must be starving. Without saying anything to make it worse, I left the entrance hall, ready to play the servant again.

'And Ann, did you find a proper man to share your future with?' I almost chocked on my food, about how unexpected the subject was started. It is not that I hate love, in fact, I loved romance, but the way how it went just made me sick. It was normal that your parents find you a husband. You would never marry out of love.

'No, unfortunately not. There where a few men that where a solid 8, though, but we need a 10.' Mother nodded, taking another bite from her food. 'We did hear some rumours, that there is a high-class party, next week around the corner. In that house of David Linscott, you know. They say there will be a rich young man, who had a heritage from his grandfather. He is unmarried, and just around his mid twenties.' My father said hopeful. 'We should take a look then.' Mother sounded really interested. 'What is his name?'

'Colin Reinhard. That name has been very famous over the years. He lives in the north of England. Ann and I met him when we where in the highlands. He was a good option.' 'We will keep that in mind.'

After dinner, I went to my room again. It was a small chamber, with not much space, but just enough for me. I had a one-person bed, and a working desk across the room. It wasn't really possible to walk around in the room. Mother always told me that I had this chamber, because Ann needed enough space to study.

I knew that I would not make my parents very happy if I stayed around them, or accidentally annoyed them. That afternoon, I started on a new drawing. It was something totally different from what I would normally make, but it did not look bad, if I could say that about myself. It was a sketch of a magical creature. I would almost call it some sort of monster, really.

I doubted if I would finish it. Mother would not be amused to see that I have been drawing. She always told me to focus on important stuff, like my future, instead of being creative. I always kept my drawings under my bed, so no one would notice. I was still thinking about the creature, how to bring it more ''alive'' with things like shadows, when suddenly mother came into the room.

'What do you have there?' She had such a threatening voice, when she was alone with me. The days without the rest of the family where a hell. I tried to stay away from her as much as possible. 'It..It's nothing! I was just writing a letter.' I was not a very good liar.

'Stop pretending just give that document to me.' She aggressively pulled my drawing out of my hands and studied it. 'Pathetic... this should be a sin. It looks terrible.' With no warning, she dumped the papers in the fireplace, in the other room, as I watched them burn. 'Why did you do that?' 'Why I did that? Can't you think of that yourself?! You have to get your mind on practical stuff! Not this horrific way of wasting the paper.' I knew what was coming.

I did something wrong. Again. I held my arms above my head, avoiding the strike, but by my surprise, she let her arm down. You can be happy that it is a special day today, otherwise you would not be finished with this. She walked away, saying something that I also did not expect. 'David invited you to, to his party. I expect you to buy your clothes for then. I don't want to see you for the rest of the evening.'

This might sound very extreme, but it was nothing compared with the other days. It was like they hated me. When I accidentally dropped a plate last week, she had hit me several times, including in my face. It still hurts when I touch the red spot. It also happens more often that they dine without me. Then right before we are eating, father tells me to clean the horse stalls. When I come back, they left the leftovers for me.

I try to stay positive, but when things like that happen, the images from the past are flowing by. I keep having these nightmares from back in the days, when they mistreated me for the first time.

I was walking in one of the rooms, where a big desk is placed. In one of the drawers, was a ring. It was golden and a beautiful seal was on it. I was 9, and I inspected the ring, thinking I was alone in the room. You can imagine what happened next. I had pain in my back for the next few days and mom would not let me out, because of the red scars. People would have become suspicious.

The ring was always something that I was attracted to. It was like it was calling me, although it sounds strange. Whenever I was alone, I used to walk into the room where it was placed and acted like it was my own. When I wore it, it just felt right. Like I had all the power of the universe.

Mother also told Ann a few times, that it was her ticket to freedom when she got older. I still don't know what she meant with that phrase.

I started to realize that I am being abused. The worse thing was, that I couldn't do anything about it. There is no evidence. So many nights, where I would just cry myself to sleep.

I shook the bad memories away, thinking about the better days. When I was 15, I got a carrier pigeon. He is still alive, and it is a great way to secretly sent messages to the rest of the city. The fact that I was allowed to go to the party was also a very nice thing.

My life could have been way worse. At least, until now.