1 Reminiscence

March 24th

We had our first conversation that day. You, who I had always wanted to get close with, talked to me for the first time.

March 26th

You sent me a short message saying you got my phone number by chance. I was happy. We started exchanging texts and gradually began to know more about each other. You and I, who were like the opposite of each other, actually had a lot in common.

April 6th

The usual smiley you suddenly seemed depressed. The sight of your melancholy self bothered my heart, I felt like I had to do something but I did not know what to do. Then, you said you would feel better in no time, you asked me not to worry. My heart squeezed. Why did you, who had troubles in mind, try so hard to smile just to make me feel relieved?

April 7th

A very long Happy Birthday message came at midnight. It was from you. I smiled until my cheeks were about to burst as I scrolled down the text. Then, all of a sudden, I felt anxious when I saw what was at the end of the message. You said you would not send me any more text. You wanted to distance yourself from me for some time. I, oblivious to whatever the reason it was, went along and said I would wait.

April 20th

You did not come to school and the news of you moving to another city spread around. I was confused, shocked and upset that I hadn't heard anything about it from you. I was waiting for your message but none came.

May 3rd

You called me for the first time. Your voice when you said my name made my heart flutter. 'It's been quite a while, hmm?' I said as I looked at the ceiling, trying to suppress the tears that were about to fall down. That moment, I realized, 'Ah.. I must have really missed you.' I wanted to ask why you had to move and why you didn't tell me but I suppressed myself. I was afraid I would cross the line.

June 12th

Our first argument occurred. It was nothing but an unnecessary one-sided childish fight. Your mood swings that day made me exhausted. I decided to leave you alone, I thought time would calm you down. Thus, it ended with us not talking for days.

June 20th

Surprisingly, I was greeted by your missed-call after not being in contact for a week. 'Did you call me?' I sent you a message but then, you replied with 'I didn't. I just pressed a wrong button.' That cute side of you put a huge grin on my face.

June 25th

The word 'My girlfriend' put me in a bad mood. The fact that we were best friends but I did not know you had someone like that upset me. A few seconds later, another message came with your clarification that the girlfriend you meant was a friend who was a girl. I did not know why but...I felt relieved.

June 29th

We sent each other messages as usual. Out of nowhere, I received a love confession from you. You said you had never thought you would like anyone at that age. You said you had all your future mapped out - to do your best in your high school graduation exam, to go to a college abroad, and to get married to a woman of your father's nationality. 'I thought we were close enough but...there are still a lot of things I don't know about', 'Ah.. So you are half...' I had those realizations. You said you had a hard time dealing with the feelings you had for me, the mapped-out future you had in mind were crumbled little by little because of me. 'Is it my fault?.. Is that so?..' I talked to myself. 'I love you too, my Best Friend.' I said. 'Okay, I understand...,' you replied. Reading that, I felt my wet eyes.

June 30th

I re-read our conversations from the beginning to the end. With the phone in my hand, I looked at the mirror only to meet with an ugly sight of myself - I cried too much. I did it, the last message, I finally sent it.

'I have been thinking about it since last night. I think I love you, not as a best friend though. Still, this is the last time I would send you a message. I don't think I can keep in touch with you any longer. I'm sorry…, thank you and good bye.'

You must have been confused to read such a text but you replied as though you could see right through me, 'I understand. Let's both do our best. Good bye.' You who knew so much about me, the things you did to my heart, the tears that welled up in my eyes.., it hurt.

We were so young back then. We ended our relationship vaguely but we had our own reasons. We were 15 years old but we had a lot of things in mind, we didn't want to hold back each other, and romance was one of the last things we would want to spend our time to think about. Although I speak about it that way, I was happy I met you. It is so hard to find someone who can understand me like you did. Thus, once in a while, I would go back to that past, to see you, to revive our times together. I still keep your messages and read them from time to time. I can still remember vividly, the you in my memory.