43 Tell me

Moon shining,

Sun rising,

You're the one that I want to wake up to.

-San Francisco

-Niall Horan

••••••••

-Luke

Things haven't been the same. I would be lying if I said I could comprehend what is happening, what had happened. Up all night, thinking of what had gone wrong, if I'd been at fault, if I was right.

My confusion only brought more questions, questions that couldn't be answered, or I was scared to answer.

April had left for England one week and four days ago, one week of torture and inner torment. All the calls, her name glaring at me from my phone, my heart sinking, my pulse increasing. I never had the courage to pick up, afraid that hearing her voice would make me break apart. Call me a coward, I fucking deserve it.

April.

She could light up the whole world with just her smile, a weak one would do, she could light up my whole world, and she did, for the whole one month we'd been together and all those years before.

Until I made her leave.

The beeping of the heart monitor pulls me out of my thoughts and I look at my best friend. She'd woken up a few days ago but hadn't spoken to anyone, just shut her eyes back and falling into a deep sleep, only waking up a few hours later. I run through my hair when I remember the doctor talking to River about her health. She was pregnant and she could've lost her baby- no babies- if someone hadn't pulled her out in time. I almost had a heart attack when I heard, there was no issues, she just needed a lot of rest.

Just staring at her on the bed is a reminder that that night wasn't a dream. It wasn't a freaking dream!

The door opens and I look up to see River who has dark bags under his eyes, a cup of coffee in his hand. Neferankh is holding his other hand, looking at me with tired eyes. "Hey man." He says in a gruff voice from not being used recently.

"Hey." He'd been here for those two weeks, hardly catching a wink if sleep, always with a cup of coffee in his hands. Neferankh goes to her mom's side, swinging herself up do she can lie next to her.

"You should go home, I'll call you when she wakes up." He says, pulling another chair to her. "I can't-" I start but his glare shuts me up.

"Yes, you can! You have to stop beating yourself up like this, things happen, it wasn't your fault, you should just be glad that no one got hurt."

But how do I explain to him that it really was all my fault, that it was the woman I love that put hia wife in that condition? How do I explain that if I had been quicker, I'd have held April from throwing the stupid bag at her?

"Go home, go take a shower, go see your mom and dad, they're really worried for you, then next you go see my mom and everyone, calm down before you get back here." He says sternly, his eyes watching me with that intimidating look.

"Fine, but you call me immediately her hand twitches you got that?" I will be here when she wakes up, and I'll fucking apologize, I'll do anything I takes.

"Sure." He says and nods towards the door. I let out a deep sigh and walk towards the door. I look back at her and shake my head before walking out.

I pat my pocket to make sure I'm with my phone and keys before making my way out of the hospital. My body leans in comfortably against the seat of my car, feeling relaxes immediately.

It's been so long since I've been in something this comfortable, I always rush home and I never really enjoy anything. My hands grip the steering wheel, my eyes closing a fraction as I inhale deeply.

The car smells like her, everything reminds me of her. My heart beat races when I see a person with blonde locks pass by in the side mirror. Everything fucking reminds me of her!

I put the key in the ignition, the soft hum soothing me. I close my eyes when a memory of her humming along with the engine of the car cracks through my black mirror.

I try not to think of her as I drive home, but it seems impossible. The memories of her are littered across my brain. I step out of the car when I reach my condo, shutting it lightly like she always tells me to do.

I fiddle with the key, pushing in the right one and unlocking the door. I kick off my shoes at the door, pushing it to the side and locking the door. I walk into the living room, the play station controller sitting lazily on the couch where she had dropped it the last time.

I walk into the kitchen to grab a plate of food from the fridge but I sigh when I remember that there's nothing. I haven't gone grocery shopping since I've only been eating the foods from the restaurant by the hospital, and I could only stomach a burger.

Only one burger!

My heart flutters, does a summersault, whatever I write in my books when I see a wrapped plate of lasagne, a bowl of chicken and some left over meatballs, all with date tags.

"These tags will help you remember if you should eat it or not. You can't eat it on the day, only before this day, and for no reason, must you eat it after this day." Her stern voice had warned me.

The memories hit me hard, it feels like the universe squeezed lemons on my heart, making me use them as eye drops.

I pull out the lasagne, putting it in the microwave and heating it up. I grab a bottle of apple juice and even see a peek of a fruit cup. With a date tag on it.

The whole place is full of her, her laughing when I fell off the counter from dancing to a slow song, her crying in our- my bedroom now- when she found out that I had a thing for brunettes, which was obviously a lie.

She was everywhere, messing up my head, dominating my mind, her stupid smile flashing before my eyes just before I see the hurt look on her face when I yelled at her.

My heart hurts, really bad, it's like I got stabbed with a twisted knife and then got it twisted. The sickening reality hitting me as I hang my head low.

It hurts, it fucking hurts to be without her. As much as I want to hate her, I can't imagine myself living without her, my emotions are conflicted. I don't know whether to trust her and give in to my heart, or believe what I saw. How I saw her with a blinding rage try to kill my best friend.

The microwave dings and I walk over to it, pulling it out and setting it on the island, I turn off the microwave and grab a spoon, sitting down to enjoy her delicious cooking.

God knows I miss her more than I ever thought I could.

°•°•°|°•°•°

"Hey mom." I breathe as she opens he door. She wraps her arms around me, taking the bag of groceries from my hand and pulling me inside just after I take off my shoes and push them to the side.

"Luke? Is that you? Where's April?" Layla asks as she bounds into the living room, her stuffed animal that April bought for her in her grip. Mom hisses and gives her a stern look. "April is in England honey, I told you, go watch more videos with your father." Shooing Layla away was easy, but shooing the thoughts is excruciating.

"I'm so sorry honey, how's Kai? How are you doing?" Mom asks, placing the grocery bag on the counter and starting to take out the stuff I bought.

A few days after April left, I'd called mom and told her everything that happened, from the night she didn't come home, to the party, to our argument. I just felt like I needed to tell someone who wouldn't judge my actions.

"Kai's doing well, the doctor said she should be able to stay awake for longer in a few more days, then we can travel to Italy." I respond, clearing my throat and looking outside the kitchen window.

"How are you doing?" She presses, a soft look in her clear blue eyes. "Mom- I don't know, I don't know how to feel, I don't what to think. I just- she's pregnant mom, one wrong thing could've risked the lives of her babies, and her life. Forgive me for saying this, but I don't think I deserve to be doing just fine." I snarl, gripping the counter.

She looks down, her brows furrowed in thought. "Would you like some chicken satay?" Mom asks, already reaching for a plate to dish them. "Sure." I murmur, even though I just ate.

I know she won't want me to starve, no matter how mad I am at her, I can't imagine myself doing anything that'll cause her hurt.

Too late for that I guess.

I stare at the chicken covered in peanut sauce and curry, sliding onto the stool and munching on them. Malcom purrs at my leg and I rub his fur with my toes, taking some satays from my plate and feeding it to him. Layla's dog also walks slowly and very doubtfully to me, pushing her bowl to me. I put three in her bowl and also in Malcom's before going back to eat. Dad walks in shirtless and I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

"Go put on a shirt old man." I grumble and he chuckles, ignoring my complaining and stealing a satay from me.

"You know you helped your wife to make this, why ruin my chance of eating now?" I quirk a brow at him and he just shrugs, patting his stomach.

"You look like a raccoon son, aren't getting any sleep, are you?" He asks, taking a bottle of gatorade out of the fridge. Now you know where I get my love from.

"I'll manage." I insist.

When I'm done with the food, I do the dishes and go find Layla. I see her at the back, playing with her dog and Malcom. "Maree, come down here." She calls, a stern look on her face as she stares at her dog who's waltzing around on a table, her tail up as she was it excitedly at her.

"Layla." I call to her and she spins towards me, her eyes lighting up. She runs to me and I quickly pick her up, hanging her legs around my waist.

"How's my princess doing?" I ask and she pouts. "I'm not fine Luke! I never see you, I miss you! Aaand, you didn't bring the pretty lady!" She scoffs, her arms raising up to prove her point.

"She traveled baby, but I promise, when she gets back, you'll be the first to see her." I boop her nose and she giggles before looking at me like I'm stupid.

"Do you think I'm stupid? You'll be the first to see her, plus every other person at the airport, then she'll go home and then she'll come here the next day, and then she'll see mom and dad first." She rolls her eyes.

"Sometimes you scare me." I say as I put her down, she looks up at me with pride before running to cuddle Malcom. My phone starts vibrating in my pocket and I pull it out, furrowing my brows when I see the caller ID.

"Hey Luke, how're you doing?" The saccharine laced voice- innocent and sweet- has my brow quirked.

"What do you want Sheryl?" I ask in a bored tone and I hear her huff. "You know I'm still your friend right? Just because you've met that girl doesn't mean it'll stop our friendship, oh and -sorry not sorry- but I heard that you guys broke up, the news is terrible." She announced and I furrow my brows.

"We didn't br-"

"I know, it's really hard on you right now but I'm here for you, let's not talk about it." What is she yammering about?

"Meet me at the restaurant by my office, I'll be waiting for you, oh and should I bring a box of tissues?" She taunts and I roll my eyes.

"Bye Sheryl." I hang up before she starts talking again. "Layla, wanna go to that fancy restaurant that I said we could go to?" I ask and she gasps, covering her mouth with her aquamarine colored nails.

"Yes!" She squeals, running up to me.

"Okay, first of all, no running."

°•°|°•°

When we enter the restaurant, I immediately see Sheryl at the booth that we always sat. I tug on Layla's hand when I see her looking at a picture of a hamster.

"Hello." Sheryl greets in a very high pitched tone and I resist the urge to cover my ears. Layla sits beside me, ignoring the calls of Sheryl.

"Luke, can I get some tater tots?" Layla asks and I smile at her, calling the waitress. I leave her and the waitress to battle it out, turning to Sheryl when I see her staring at Layla with a sore look.

"What do you want Sheryl?" I demand and she pouts, batting her lashes.

"Is it wrong for a girl to look out for her dear friend after a tough break up, honestly, I don't even know who broke up with her, the fans or you?" She snorts sarcastically.

What?

"We didn't break up though." I say cautiously and she shrugs. "Well, the news doesn't seem to think that, it's all over every show, Late Night Conversations with Gaia Allen, All day everyway, Venture into lives, it's uncountable." She smirks, her eyes gleaming with something as she shows me her phone, picking at her nails.

"Your fans are going crazy, people are hating on her, hating on you. It's a terrible mess. It's seems like they can't get enough of your drama." She muses.

My heart drops when I see the large question mark over one of our pictures.

Where they even ever together?

I shut my eyes tightly, those words ringing in my head. The bastards that wrote that, publishing it on every celeb magazine, curse them.

I didn't even know that Layla was already eating her finger food but when she nudges me with a tater tot, I lick my lips and take it from her, shoving it in my mouth.

"Okay, now tell me what you really want Sheryl." Her lips curl up into a nasty smile.

"You'll wish you never asked me that Henderson."