I Am A Monster

"What the hell's wrong with you?" John struggled to gather the strength he needed to speak. He looked at Alex in puzzlement since the only expression he had ever seen on his face was always stuck between either joyful or ruthless.

"Nothing... The pain of having my limbs broke is unbearable..." Alex hesitated before he replied. He used his sleeves to wipe his tears, showing a stern look on his face once more.

He felt pain in his heart, the memories of the good times he and John had in his childhood arose. Alex remembered how it was John himself who cheered him up after he was traumatised by his own act of slaughter at young age.

'Was I deluding myself?' He doubtfully thought about his hopeful actions.

All sorts of memories arose, how they laughed together, fought together, and even saved each other's lives on many occasions. He didn't want to kill his master, the man who taught him how to live. However after seeing the crazed look in John's eyes, he knew he had no choice but to fight back against him.

'Even if I die today, nothing will change master's will.' He realised that the stubborn intent John showed couldn't be erased by mere physical injuries.

John was serious about killing him!

Alex knew his master felt dishonoured by the fact that he was holding back his strength and true combat prowess, yet he still had hopes that he'd be able to persuade him. It was only now after hearing John's ravings did he realise his mistake. His master's form will was a like a piece of iron that had been smelted and refined to its limits.

He could use all the tactics he knew but trying to change John's mind after he'd made a decision would be in vain.

Alex remembered back to John's training in the past. How he learnt methods to survive alone on the battlefield... and how John wanted to cage him in this four-walled prison he called his home in order to keep him hidden from the outside world.

'This place is no longer my home.' He looked around with emotional eyes as he thought of his disciples. Wouldn't those youths cry if he was to die here?

As the successor of the Chaotic Dragon's Demonic Horn style, he was always taught about the importance of a legacy and the immortality of the users who were able to improve the martial art he inherited. That's why he could comprehend his master's rage towards discarding the legacy that was handed down through generations.

It wasn't easy for a martial art like the Chaotic Dragon's Demonic Horn to survive after the rise and fall of countless civilisations and eras.

The successor of this ancient style of martial arts for every other generation had been treated more normally compared to how he was treated by John while learning how to fight.

He knew that his master didn't hate him but instead feared his sinister talent for combat and assassination.

John once informed the military that Alex wouldn't be able to live as a normal person in society now that his personality was twisted by the battlefields he had survived through.

A feeling of indignation arose in his heart as he remembered John's expression at that time. How confident his master was that he was a freak...

'He is just a mere animal that needs to be tamed.' Was what he overheard his master saying to the government official who was concerned over his absurdly vicious and cruel treatment.

'I am not an animal!' He pushed that horrid memory away and thought of the time he was first thrown into battle.

'What a crazed monster...!' The words of the military soldiers who forced him to kill his childhood friends in order to survive once again arose in his mind.

"I'm not a monster! I'm human...! So don't you dare forget it, master- no... Father!" Alex said as he stabilised his breathing while he was laying his back down on the floor. The words he said came from the bottom of his heart.

'Father...?' John was stunned for a moment. He wasn't happy from hearing Alex's tone, instead he felt more enraged than he had ever felt before. His pride wouldn't allow him to accept being called 'Father' by the child he had ruthlessly trained to be a killer.

"Don't call me that!" John eyes turned red as he roared. He charged forward and threw a sharp kick that cut through air like a scythe towards Alex's throat.

He could never accept himself as Alex's father. He may not remember why he gave Alex his surname but he knew clearly from the bottom of his heart that he was a failure of a fatherly figure.

'I do not deserve your kindness! I'm a monster who only cares for power. Do not look at me like that, like I actually gave you anything other than pain in my lifetime. Hate me, curse me, but please stop thanking me! You are not my son!' John felt a stone weigh down on his heart from the guilt he felt.

If he could calm down for even just a moment then he'd understand that his actions were as meaningless as Alex's.

Both of them had firm will's and hearts made of steel, they were bullheaded and stubborn to the point of unreasonableness. No amount of pain or torture could change their minds.

However, here lay the reason for their misfortune. How could two idiots who were as stubborn as an ox be moved by the words of another and make peace?

This was especially true for John who wasn't able to face his past actions.

John knew more than Alex regarding just how involved he was in his tragic childhood. He knew very well that he was scum, a failure of a guardian and even more so... a failure of a human.

If he could just turn back time, then he would've never had treated his disciple like a tool. He would've tried to be a responsible teacher and parent to the orphaned student he had took on.

'This is our fate.' John's foot was like a bladed weapon that threatened to behead Alex if he didn't have the resolve to get past his hesitations.

As a martial artist, he knew that the only way for his legacy to be properly handed down was through a battle of life and death with his disciple. He was well-aware that his legacy would be lost in the annals of history if Alex was to die, but tradition couldn't be changed...

John had killed his own master to become the successor of this ancient style of martial arts. His disciple will have to do the same if he ever wanted to completely master his martial arts.

Alex wasn't afraid despite the threat of death was closing in at a breakneck pace. His eyes were lifelessly empty as he watched John's kick descend towards his neck. If dying would solve his problems, he wouldn't have hesitated to commit suicide, but he knew this 'father' of his would go berserk if there was no one to follow the tradition laid down by the founder of this ancient style and honourably kill him through a life or death battle.

His master was a warrior, not a mere sportsman who had wanted practice martial arts. This was his ironclad will.

'Is living with a weaker body really that horrific for a martial artist? Is there no way to overcome destiny?' As the kick was approaching, Alex reflected on his actions. He couldn't help but ask himself if his decision was right.

He knew that the man in front of him was the cause of his misfortunes in his childhood, yet strangely enough, he felt no hatred towards John for what he did, as if the malice had already been burned out over the years. The respect he had now was a filial bond born from the good memories John gave him.

His master's treatment towards him was cruel in the beginning, but he changed as time went on. Alex still remembered the first time John had ever brought him food that wasn't a pile of nutrient pills for his physique and the joy he felt from eventually being released into the world.

Was Stockholm Syndrome the cause of these filial feelings towards his master?

Who knows...?

Even so, no matter what the real reason was behind his feelings, he still felt indebted to John for giving him the ordinary happiness of being a son.

The fog in Alex's eyes cleared as he came to a decision. He no longer used his self-created hybrid style that accepted all physical forces, but instead used the ancient style of martial arts his master had taught him. A style that focused on the rejection of all physical forces. His once soft eyes changed and suddenly exploded in killing intent at that very moment he chose this path.

"Goodbye, Father..." Alex squeezed out of his throat. He smashed his already broken hands onto the floor to propel himself off the ground, causing his hands to be turned into a bleeding mess of mangled flesh as a result.

John's kick was like an heavy blade that descended and embedded itself into the soil beneath Alex as he dodged. The ground where his body lay moments ago was destroyed as cracks could be seen where John's foot dug deep into the soil and made a cloud of dust.

Alex only had one leg that was left functioning but his movements weren't clumsy at all as he made absolutely no unnecessary movements to advance forwards. The balance he showed while manoeuvring his crippled body behind John was inconceivably swift and made even caught his master off guard.

The could of dust acted as camouflage and hid his disciple's fluid motions.

The true essence of the Chaotic Dragon's Demonic Horn was displayed perfectly as Alex used the momentum of John's tall body to strangle him.

'Forgive me...' He was having a mental breakdown inside as moved his arms.

Tears were rolling down his cheeks as he used everything he had in him...

John's eyes widened as he heard a cracking noise from his neck.

He didn't suffer in death and died instantly upon losing consciousness.

Alex's once bright eyes had never been more lifeless after seeing his master's neck twisted in a strange angle. There was no longer even a sigh of life from the corpse he held in his broken arms.

The battle may have sounded long but instead it was short and savage in nature. There was no elegance in battle and no glory beyond death, there was only a misery craved by warmongers and soldiers beyond salvation.

Alex then let go of John before falling to the ground. His eyes were locked onto John's corpse, unable to accept what he'd done. He wished that everything was just a nightmare, that everything would be fine as soon as he woke up, but reality was too cruel...

The coldness on his skin was evidence to the fact that everything was real...

There was no way to reverse time and change the decision he made...

He couldn't help but think if John was right about his true personality...

Was he really a monster?

"I'm not a monster. I really AM not a monster." Alex muttered to himself as he kneeled onto the floor. The full moon had already risen but the trees of John's garden obstructed its light from revealing the hideous expression on his face. He knew that he had no other options but to kill, but he hated himself for not coming up way to save his master. He hated his weak self that was unable to change the fate of his 'father'.

'Why did you want to die in my hands so badly?' Alex asked his master inwardly. It was only then that he finally registered the pain of his broken limbs and forced him to roll onto his back as a result. He looked at the clouds that were hiding the stars.

He wasn't expecting an answer from his master's corpse, but from the father he knew in his heart. He just couldn't understand why John's life had to end in such way. The figure the fatherly master he envisioned in his heart was like an illusion. The body of the tall man looked just like his master in the past. The words John had spoken to him at one time repeated in his ear.

'My way of martial arts are my goals in life and the purpose of my death.' That was the only answer the ethereal figure in his heart responded with no matter how many time he repeatedly asked.

'The way of martial arts... It's always about a Dao, isn't it? What bullsh*t is that! Does anyone need a reason to use martial arts? It's not like hardworking martial artists with no ambition can't reach the pinnacle of martial arts as well.' He thought towards the illusion of his master with a heart of ridicule.

His heart and mind was a complete mess after his refusal to accept reality.

All Alex ever wanted to do was keep himself safe. He wanted a prosperous life... a fulfilling life like any other.

He had never wanted to stain his hands in another's blood, but John's 'way of martial arts' forced him to murder people for the good of his nation.

It had a unbending way of thinking that only a martial artist could understand.

'The 'Dao' hidden within all styles and forms is one cruelty and savagery. All martial arts are weapons created to kill others. The more you have the easier it will be to reach your goals.' That was the 'way of martial arts' John taught him. At first, he had taken John's words to heart and felt no sense of guilt towards killing others for this 'way of martial arts' that John taught him.

That was until he suddenly looked at himself in the mirror and saw the monster he had become, a murder machine that knew nothing other than how to kill. He realised that his life was missing something when he felt 'colour' within the eyes of children his own age playing in playgrounds on his TV, a 'family' that made life worth living.

He wanted to see the 'colours' of the world with his own eyes, and not through the filter John had forced him to see through. That was why he was fine even after John left home without a word. Even though he was travelling the world alone, he didn't feel lonely when he thought of his 'father'.

However, Alex didn't expect his master would send him a letter one day which invited him to come back to his 'home'.

'How would you have died if I didn't come here? Would you have charged at a secured military base and called getting shot a 'good way to die'? Does a 'good way' of dying even exist in this world? ...And you call me a freak.' He ridiculed even more. He hated John's way of thought... and he hated himself for being powerless to change him.

Time passed and the night once again transitioned day into dawn. Raindrops fell on his face as thunder howled in the dark clouds. He didn't have the strength to move and he knew that he wouldn't be able to live much longer in the condition he was in. His limbs were completely broken and his body was bleeding out, causing a numbing sensation wash over his mind.

'Why did I even choose to come to this place if I knew father couldn't be persuaded? Why didn't I just do as I was told? I'd already surpassed father years go. It shouldn't have been THIS hard for someone like me to swiftly send him off." Alex thought in his heart after using his inward curses of ridicule to calm down from the despair he felt.

He couldn't understand why a guy like him, a guy who only wanted a prosperous life, would go against the very reason he created the Harmonic Dragon's Angelic Halo, sacrificing his safe and happy life with his filial disciples. His self-created hybrid style of martial arts was one that focused on Health and Self-Control unlike the Chaotic Dragon's Demonic Horns that focused on Violence and Survival.

Then, as his eyes started to fade into despair, he gained 'enlightenment'.

"I'm just as deranged as my crazy master, aren't I? Hahahaha!" Alex laughed in an unhinged manner after coming to such a conclusion. Unable to come to terms with himself, unable to accept the fact he wanted to fight his father, it was then that he lost sense of preservation and peace of mind.

He remembered how weak the martial artists of the world were compared to his father and how all of the martial art masters he faced always gave up whenever he fought. Then he realised what John meant by his words when he caged him at the place he called 'home'.

Is this what his master meant by true nature? He couldn't believe it himself...

What 'Dao'? What f*cking 'way of martial arts'? Alex knew from experience that martial arts are 'Dead'!

If they were alive, then maybe his nature would have truly changed.

Maybe he might have been able to change into good person just by practicing his Harmonic Dragon's Angelic Halo a few hundred times...

Perhaps he could have been able to find another way. A way that didn't involve killing his father as an act of mercy!

'I really am a monster, aren't I?' Was the last thing he thought before he died, but little did me know that his journey would not end the moment he stopped breathing. A singular bolt of lightning fell down and struck his soul.