82 Chapter 82
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Chapter 57- Duelling.
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A while before the school term ended and the holidays started, there was an incident in Snape's potions class. Apparently someone had lit a fillibuster firework and chucked it into Goyle's cauldron before it promptly went off. It just so happened that that lesson they were making swelling solution, and Goyle's no doubt subpar version, and that's being kind, went everywhere. People were swelling up in several different areas, and Goyle, who took the brunt, looked like a constipated frog with his bulging eyes.
Mysteriously, there were some ingredients missing afterwards., a Bicorn horn and some Boomslang skin. Two ingredients that just so happened to be a part of the recipe for Polyjuice potion. Snape brought the incident up at a meeting and was adamant that Harry Potter was behind it. Still, McGonagall asked for proof, which he was unable to provide. I am confident he read Harry's mind to find it out, but he couldn't rightly say that because it was illegal. No culprit was found. I wasn't too bothered, my time was taken up with getting better and trying to find the Diadem. That was until reality reared its head.
And I couldn't exactly say no, could I?
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A week after the potion class incident, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking across the entrance hall when they saw a small knot of people gathered around the notice board, reading a piece of parchment that had just been pinned up. Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas beckoned them over, looking excited.
"They're starting a Dueling Club!" said Seamus. "First meeting tonight! I wouldn't mind duelling lessons; they might come in handy one of these days..." Seeing the pensive look on his face, Harry wondered what Seamus might need such a skill for.
"What, you reckon Slytherin's monster can duel?" said Ron, but he, too, read the sign with interest. Meanwhile, Seamus looked angry for a second before it faded. Harry was sure Seamus had other things going on besides Slytherin's monster.
"Could be useful," Ron said to Harry and Hermione as they went to dinner. "Shall we go?" Harry and Hermione were all for it, so they hurried back to the Great Hall at eight o'clock that evening. The long dining tables had vanished, and a golden stage had appeared along one wall, lit by thousands of candles floating overhead. The ceiling was velvety black once more, and most of the school seemed to be packed beneath it, all carrying their wands and looking excited.
"I wonder who'll be teaching us?" said Hermione as they edged into the chattering crowd. "Someone told me Flitwick was a duelling champion when he was young - maybe it'll be him."
"As long as it's not -" Harry began, but he ended with a groan.
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Goddamn it. There are a million other things I would rather be doing than teaching these stupid kids about duelling. And only two of them would actually help me to survive the death trap that was Hogwarts Castle, but those were the two that I would be focusing on. Honestly, I would have spent most of my time on them, but then Dumbledore had called me up to his office.
He said it was to make the kids feel more secure and safe. That was why he had approached me about teaching them duelling. And he knew I had experience since he knew of my alternate identity as Edward Norma Stick, who had won a bunch of competitions. Of course, when I asked why Professor Flitwick couldn't do it, Dumbledore explained that while he was more qualified than anybody else, quite a few of the parents would not be happy to see him teaching their kids duelling.
The purebloods, he means. He said he already got numerous complaints every year that he had to fend off and didn't want to push it more. When I then proceeded to ask why Snape couldn't do it, Dumbledore deflected by asking why a potions teacher would teach them duelling. Being the Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor, this was kind of in my wheelhouse. And I am pretty sure that Snape being a Death Eater, was kept on the down low in the ministry due to Dumbledore vouching for him, so I couldn't say anything.
Which is why I am here, walking onto the stage in robes of deep blue, almost black, and accompanied by none other than Snape, wearing his usual black. Why is Snape here when Dumbledore said he was a potions teacher? Because I said I needed an assistant, wanting to avoid dealing with all of the kids by myself and lessen the strain on myself. And Dumbledore said Snape would help, even though he just implied he wasn't capable before. The old man was shameless, and I had to leave while he kept on smiling at me.
All the kids were being pretty noisy, so I waved an arm for silence and called for silence. "Alright, quiet now. Gather round! You can all see me? And you, can you all hear me? Good!" I project false enthusiasm into my voice, still having a reputation to uphold. I won't be known as one of the bad Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers, though I will take quirky.
"Now, Professor Dumbledore has seen fit for me to start this little duelling club to train you all in case you ever need to defend yourselves. Obviously, as I myself have had countless occasions where I have had to act quickly and defend myself. Sometimes, you don't find adventure. It finds you." I start with a memorable, if somewhat generic, speech to set the mood and have these kids be serious. If I see anybody just messing about, I will probably kick them out.
"Let me introduce my assistant for this session, someone I think you all know, Professor Snape," I said, flashing a forced smile at the crowd, who mainly didn't look happy. No guesses who the happy ones were. "He tells me he's something of a duelist himself and has generously agreed to help me with a short demonstration before we begin. Now, I must ask you all to keep a safe distance from the stage. While this will be as controlled as possible, accidents do happen." I was going to take this opportunity for all it is worth and try to kick Snape's ass. I need some stress relief.
"Wouldn't it be good if they finished each other off?" Ron muttered loudly in Harry's ear. How is that kid not deaf at this point? Because Ron was loud enough for half the room to hear him. He should count himself lucky he is on my side of the stage and not Snape's, whose upper lip was curling. I see he also wanted to kick my ass for some reason. I felt a genuine smile coming on.
Myself and Snape needed no further words as we turned to face each other and bowed. Well, at least I did. Just the upper body lowered a tiny bit, whereas Snape jerked his head irritably. The motherfucker slighted me. While not as arrogant as not bowing at all, it clearly meant he didn't think of me as an opponent. Well, I'll show him. Then we raised our wands and took our stances. I just realised mine was like Goku's stance, except I have a wand in my hand. After a moment, when nothing happened, I remembered I was in charge, and I was supposed to be teaching.
"As you see, we are holding our wands in our stances. Professor Snape is displaying the accepted combative position," I told the silent crowd, not elaborating on my own stance. "On the count of three, we will cast our first spells. Neither of us will be aiming to kill, of course." Though I do want a tough fight, but this is just a demonstration for the kids.
"I wouldn't bet on that," I heard someone murmur, but I ignored them. However, watching Snape bare his teeth made me think they were not wrong. This might be fun. I started the countdown. "One... two... three!" And then we began, and Snape was quick.
We both swung our wands above our heads and pointed them at our opponent. Snape cried: "Expelliarmus!" There was a dazzling flash of scarlet light, and I ducked underneath it as it flew past me off the stage and smashed into the wall, having no effect on it. Snape only spoke for the sake of the students, and so I decided to do the same. Malfoy and some of the other Slytherins cheered. I quickly retaliate and throw a spell back at him, shouting stupefy for all to hear, but Snape looks on with a mocking face as it lands on the ground in front of him. Of course, he loses that as suddenly the ground begins to wobble beneath his feet, and he is hit by my Incarcerous spell. It's what he gets for underestimating me.
"Well, there you have it!" I said, bringing an end to the little demonstration and tottering over to Snape with a smug look on my face as he frees himself. "That was a Disarming Charm that was thrown at me, which I dodged as I knew what it was. Professor Snape had said the incantation, after all. I myself retaliated, but while I did shout the incantation to the stunning spell, I, in fact, used transfiguration on the floor, taking him off guard before capturing him with the Incarcerous spell. You see, when duelling, there are a lot of tactics to take into consideration." To be honest, I just wanted to piss Snape off, and it worked. Snape was looking murderous.
And while I would have liked to continue, this was mainly about the students. "Alright, enough demonstrating! That was just to display the basics and get some of you thinking about tactics and strategy; after all, power is not the end-all-be-all." I say, just rambling a bit more to make it seem like I have actual content for the kids. "I'm going to come amongst you now and put you all into pairs. Professor Snape, if you'd like to help me." Reluctantly, Snape moved through the crowd with me, matching up partners. I just started with whoever was closest, but Snape went directly to Harry and Ron first.
"Time to split up the dream team, I think," he sneered. "Weasley, you can partner Finnigan. Potter -"Harry moved automatically toward Hermione. "I don't think so," said Snape, smiling coldly. "Mr. Malfoy, come over here. Let's see what you make of the famous Potter. And you, Miss Granger - you can partner Miss Bulstrode." Ah, well, Snape's going to do what a Snape is going to do. And I can't really go over and change his decision. Also, I don't really care. I guess we are getting a version of what was supposed to happen. Sucks for Harry.
Malfoy strutted over to them, smirking, while I paired Neville up with some Hufflepuff. Behind him walked a large and square Slytherin girl with a heavy jaw jutted aggressively. It must be Miss Bulstrode. Hermione gave her a weak smile that she did not return. Deciding to just stay away from that, I returned to the stage and then looked out over the various pairs who were all facing each other.
"Face your partners!" I called, readying them for their duels. Perhaps it was not wise to have them all do this at the same time with minimal supervision, but we have magical healing, so who gives a shit. "And bow!"
I ordered, and all of the room lowered themselves, though there were those who didn't so much as nod. Most of the Sltyherins. Harry and Malfoy barely inclined their heads, not taking their eyes off each other.
"Wands at the ready!" They all raised their wands like guns. "When I count to three, cast your charms to disarm your opponents. Only to disarm them. We don't want any accidents." I changed my mind, seeing a lot of unfriendly faces in the crowd, with them looking maliciously at their opponents. With the number of spells going to be thrown in a second, I wouldn't be surprised to see some harmful ones, and I wouldn't be able to identify the culprit if they got a bit too excited.
I started my countdown, keeping an eye on the duel, which would probably be the most entertaining."One ... Two ... Three!" Harry swung his wand high, but Malfoy had already started on two. His spell hit Harry so hard he looked as though he'd been hit over the head with an anvil. He stumbled but seemed to gather himself, and wasting no more time, Harry pointed his wand straight at Malfoy and shouted, "Rictusempra!" A jet of silver light hit Malfoy in the stomach, and he doubled up, wheezing.
"Nice work, Neville!" I shouted over the heads of the battling crowd as Malfoy sank to his knees; Harry had hit him with a Tickling Charm, and he could barely move from laughing. I couldn't be bothered to get involved, so I made it out as if I was watching others, which made Neville look at me in confusion from where he was lying on the ground. I was still watching the two rivals, though.
Harry hung back, not pressing his advantage to bewitch Malfoy while he was on the floor out of some stupid honour, but this was a mistake. Gasping for breath, Malfoy pointed his wand at Harry's knees and choked, "Tarantallegra!" and the next second, Harry's legs began to jerk around out of his control in a kind of quick step.
"That's enough." Snape took charge and walked to the two to put a stop to their scuffle. "Finite Incantatem!" he shouted. Harry's feet stopped dancing, Malfoy stopped laughing, and they were able to get back up. I also took the time to see the results of the other student's duels. A haze of greenish smoke was hovering over the scene. Both Neville and Justin were lying on the floor, panting. Ron was holding up an ashen-faced Seamus, apologising for whatever his broken wand had done.
Conversely to the others, Hermione and Millicent Bulstrode were still moving. Millicent had Hermione in a headlock, and Hermione was whimpering in pain. Both their wands lay forgotten on the floor. Damn, someone get that big girl to the WWE because she could be a star. Harry thought so as well as he leapt forward and pulled Millicent off. He actually dragged her by the hair a bit. And they say chivalry is dead.
"Well, you lot were more incompetent than I thought. Did all my classes just disappear from your brains?" I said, skittering through the crowd, looking at the aftermath of the duels. "Up you go, Macmillan. Careful there, Miss Fawcett. Keep it pressed hard. It'll stop bleeding in a second, Boot." Seriously, I had these guys doing a lot of sports and games in my classes, focusing on athletic ability and dodging. Still, they all just seemed to forget it. Except for Bulstrode, I should give her some points for using her strong body.
"I think I'd better teach you how to block unfriendly spells since you all forgot how to dodge. I guess we will be doing more dodgeball in the future." I said, standing in the middle of the hall and watching all the kids grimace. I glanced at Snape, whose black eyes glinted and looked unhappy with the education I was providing, but I just smiled brightly in reply. "Let's have a volunteer pair. Weasley and Longbottom, how about you?" I say, picking two people who wouldn't be able to fight at all. Watching them flail around should lighten the mood.
"A bad idea, Professor Lockhart," said Snape, gliding over like a large and malevolent asshole. "Weasley causes devastation with the simplest spells with that wand of his. We'll be sending what's left of Longbottom's pitiful self up to the hospital wing in a matchbox." Neville's round, pink face went pinker. "How about Malfoy and Potter?" said Snape with a twisted smile. Well, if there's one guy trying to stick to canon, it is Snape. No butterfly wings are going to stop him from bullying Harry.
"Very well, I suppose!" I gestured Harry and Malfoy into the middle of the hall as the crowd backed away to give them room. "Now, Harry," I began, wanting to make this a bit interesting. I am no longer interested in staying on the rails. "When Draco points his wand at you, remember to dodge. Your athletic ability is your advantage here. You're fitter than all your classmates. Use it." I pulled Harry close and started whispering in his ears.
"Malfoy will most likely start shooting spells from the get-go, wanting to hurt and take you down. You just focus on avoiding them, and you strike when he has tired himself out. Got it?" Harry tried to pull away from me, but when he realised I was actually giving him helpful advice, he listened intently. And then he spotted Snape move closer to Malfoy, bend down, and whisper something in his ear, causing Malfoy to smirk. Harry looked up nervously at me and asked, "Professor, could you show me how to block?" I shake my head. Yes, the idea was to show blocking here, but let's have my boy trump Snape's. Fuck that guy, and I guess Malfoy can show the blocking. Dodging is better, anyway.
"Scared?" muttered Malfoy before Harry could ask me anything else. "You wish," said Harry out of the corner of his mouth. Icuffed Harry merrily on the shoulder. "Just remember what I said, Harry!" I then went off the stage, not listening to Harry, who tried to call me back. "Three... two... one. Go!" I shouted, getting this show on the road.
Malfoy raised his wand quickly and bellowed, "Serpensortia!" The end of his wand exploded. Harry watched, aghast, as a long black snake shot out of it, fell heavily onto the floor between them, and raised itself, ready to strike. There were screams as the crowd backed swiftly away, clearing the floor. Well, I didn't expect them to get straight to the main event. I guess Harry won't be dodging then.
"Don't move, Potter," said Snape lazily, clearly enjoying the sight of Harry standing motionless, eye to eye with the angry snake. "I'll get rid of it." Snape moves to interfere, but I stop him. "Now, now. Let's give the boy a chance. Maybe he can handle it. " I shouted, and Harry snapped back to reality as Snape looked at me like I was an idiot. Realising his situation, Harry took action and brandished his wand at the snake, and there was a loud bang.
The snake was blasted backwards with a loud smack, Harry having attacked it, though it seemingly had no effect. Enraged, hissing furiously, it slithered straight toward the closest student, who just so happened to be Justin Finch-Fletchley and raised itself again, fangs exposed, poised to strike. And then Harry quickly moved forward, and hissed loudly at the snake.
Miraculously, and expectedly, the snake slumped to the floor, docile as a thick, black garden hose, its eyes now on Harry. Harry looked calm as anything, as if everything was in the palm of his hands. He looked at Justin, grinning, expecting to see Justin looking happy or even grateful. However, Flich-Fletchley seemed angry and scared.
"What do you think you're playing at, Potter?" he shouted, and before Harry could say anything, Justin had turned and stormed out of the hall. Snape then stepped forward and waved his wand, and the snake vanished in a small puff of black smoke. Snape gave Harry a shrewd and calculating look before looking at me with anger, which I ignored. There was a bunch of ominous muttering all around the walls. Everybody discussed Harry hissing at a snake.
Ron had climbed the stage and dragged Harry off of it, whispering in his ears as he steered him out of the hall, Hermione hurrying alongside them. As they went through the doors, the people on either side drew away as though they were frightened of catching something. And so they ran off, and everybody knew Harry Potter was a Parselmouth.
Well, that was fun.
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