10 Can we be anything?

Alanis

He doesn't want to have anything to do with me and can I blame him? I hated him all my life and I didn't even know anything about him. Just the fact that he was not like me and he was on enemy territory. Now am I telling him that I don't feel that way anymore and I expect him to feel the same.

Do I want to be friends with him?

No.

That cannot even work, no one will see us together and not asks questions but I want to see him, from time to him and I want to talk to him. I want to eat breakfast with him and watch him express nervousness. I want to look at the confusion on his face when I say something he doesn't understand.

"You know running all the way home will be faster," he smiles.

"Yeah but you're not strong enough. Remember you still need meat," I remind him and his eyes open wide but it just for a second. He is confused again. God, I fucking love that expression.

"Fine," he agrees after a couple of seconds.

We get to my car and he is still quiet. I want to hear his voice again. I want him to talk to me and make jokes "What are you thinking?" I ask because for some reason I can't read his mind. I read everyone's minds, that's the only reason why I am such a good conversationalist. But Beau's mind is a blank.

Maybe he is not thinking about anything.

That's a possibility.

"I think I am still being punished right now. Maybe I am still dreaming, that's why you are still here"

Ouch.

Me being with him must feel like some sort of punishment. I don't know if he is trying to hurt me with his words because it is working. Am I that bad?

"It was a joke. Being in the cave was supposed to be my punishment for our fight," he explains and it all makes sense now. He got punished for our fight but nothing happened to me. I feel even worse now.

"I'm sorry" I apologize.

He waves his hands in the air to brush off my apology and I start the car. I grab my flask from the cup holder and take a sip from it. "Is that blood, I can smell it all the way from here"

I nod. Human blood, this is the only downside to being immortal. We need this to survive. Without blood, we get weaker. I am not a fan of getting it directly from humans but every once in awhile, we need to. This is from a blood bank. Father knows someone and that's how we survive.

"Gross dude,"

I laugh "Says the person that eats raw meat."

"From animals," he says like that is some sort of consolidation prize. The rest of the drive is quiet and when we get to the entrance of the woods. I park the car because I am actually not allowed there. I know I trespassed last night but it was for a good cause. Now he is here and it is not a good idea to pass my boundaries.

"Thanks, man" he reaches for the handle of the door "Wait," I stop him unsure of why but he stops and faces me.

"I know you said we can't be anything but why not?" I don't even know what the fuck I am doing but I just want something from him—anything he gives me right now I will take with content.

"What do you mean?" he is confused again.

"You said I don't cross your mind. I don't mean anything to you, does that make me irrelevant. Can't we be something—anything?"

He frowns "Why do you want to be something. You've been fine all this while hating me. Why does that have to change?"

I shrug "Because I don't hate you anymore. I don't want you to hate me" I am literally baring out my dead heart to him. I don't do this mushy shit. I am not one to be this weak. What has changed?

"I don't hate you man; I hate your kind. I hate that you killed my people in the '90s. It happened there is nothing we can do about it but there is no good from us being friends. Nothing good will come from that and no one will accept it"

"I get that but don't you care that I had that dream? It must mean something. Don't you think so?"

"You said you felt guilty, maybe it's some kind of power you have. When you think about someone you can see them?" he is creating excuses. He doesn't want to think about this. I can tell but I want him to understand that this isn't even just about the dream, it is about being with him. I feel something, I can't explain it but I have never felt this way before. I don't want to scare him; I don't want him to think I am some sort of freak but I want to be close to him.

I need to be close to him.

"Just meet me halfway. Let's hang out tomorrow. Just drinks or something. If you still feel you want to continue hating me, then I will leave you alone"

He shakes his head "No way man. I can't be seen in public with you" he doesn't mean to but his words keep hurting me. Unintentionally I know but it hurts that he wouldn't be caught dead in public with me.

Shit.

He gets down from the car and I watch him walk away from me. This fucking sucks, because I feel like he took a part of me with him.