1 The First Chapter
After class. The usual reunion at the club room, which they often called "The Weeb Room" for reasons unknown to Alex. The room included one table, four chairs ("Are they waiting for someone?" wondered Alex constantly), a small TV with a game console, a PC, and a whiteboard.
"Ah, you never cease to amaze me with your bad taste, Young Alex. You see, Kirara-chan is an immortal vampire who has lost her powers after a battle of one thousand years against the nation of Valisteria, so she has been reduced to a loli-like body until she regains her powers during the Night of Walpurgis and must wear the Unholy Robe until then to calm her thirst for blood".
"Wow, I totally have no idea what you just said. By the way, your nose is bleeding" replied Alex, opening a second bottle of ice tea.
The president of the club. His name is not important, don't worry about it. By the time you get in a conversation with him about his hobbies, you stop caring. Alex knew this well, and would instantly regret talking to him every single time. Today's conversation about Kirara started from a simple "What are you reading? Another erotic book?"
The President was quite a character at the school. There was an abundance of rumors about him, yet none of them was a positive one. Students would often talk about how the President had no friends, how he spent most of his time locked in the club room where you could hear high-pitched female voices. Those who tried talking to him got annoyed replies, using words they didn't understand and references to media they had never consumed. His passion for anime and manga was big. So big, in fact, in the eyes of the entire school, he had one personality trait: being a weirdo. Eventually, no one even remembered his real name. Of course, he didn't care.
"3D is irrelevant" he had declared on his first day of school, and lived by those words every day.
"Yay, first place again! As expected of the Pro Gamer Girl Luna!" celebrated Luna as she uploaded her record time to the leaderboards. "And there goes another world record" she declared proudly with her hands on her hips before sitting down next to the boys.
Luna was the President's sole friend. Their parents had been friends during their college years, so they grew up seeing each other quite frequently. While the President shared his love for anime and manga, Luna shared her love for videogames. Throughout her life, she had had every console, every popular game, and every record on anything she touched. She was a true genius, yet no one knew about her hobbies. To the rest of the students, she was the cute, delicate maiden. An act she would use to her advantage, for her real personality was rotten to the core.
Yes, these were the two devils who had taken advantage of Alex and had forced him to join what they called The Weeb Club. An unrecognized club with no budget to spend dedicated to watching anime and playing videogames. Yet Alex knew he would not fit, for his knowledge on these topics was close to zero.
"Ah, President! You're reading Little Vampy Kirara? How is it? I watched the anime and Kirara was so~ cute! I want to adopt her so bad!". Luna had star-shaped eyes as she went on and on about Kirara's cuteness and greatness.
"Your nose is also bleeding, Luna" pointed out Alex with a tired tone. This was an everyday scene for him. Their exchange continued.
How did Alex end up in this club anyway? That's a story for another day, folks! Subscribe for updates!
"Are you breaking the 4th wall already, Narrator?!" said Alex with his stupid voice. What a fool.
"Her bath scene in episode 5 was super detailed and fluid! The animators paid attention to all the important bits if you know what I mean!" said Luna as her face turned slightly red and she held her cheeks.
"Oh, you sure get it, Luna! But the best scene is when she goes on a date with the MC! Ah, what I'd do to take her on a date myself!" The President's nose bled once again.
"Ehhh, a virgin like you taking Kirara-chan to a date? Hilarious! She deserves someone who'll buy her cute dresses and kiss her goodnight, and that means me!". Luna's voice went down a few pitches. She was already in Nerd Mode.
"I-I-I-I-I'M NOT A VIRGIN! And even if I were, Kirara-chan is a cute, pure maiden who would rather take a gentleman like me! I would make her my bride and have two or twenty kids together to create our own legion of vampires!"
"Heh, she wouldn't mix her royal blood with your geek blood! I'd rather keep her to myself and never let her breed! I'll protect her purity from the likes of you!"
"No no no, she has to become my bride and please me every night!"
"No no no, she has to become MY bride and wear all the sexy outfits I give her and then suck my blood dry. Ah, I wish she used those fangs in all sorts of places...". Luna was getting redder.
"She's my wife!"
"Nope, she is my wife!"
"I'm gonna date her!"
"Well I'm gonna marry her!"
"SHE'LL LOVE ME AND WE'LL HAVE TWENTY KIDS TOGETHER"
"KEEP YOUR VIRGIN FANTASY OUT OF THIS, SHE'LL LOVE ME AND WE'LL BE THE MOST CHARMING PRINCESSES OF THE NEW KINGDOM!"
The illustration was of an apparently really young girl, small black wings, visible fangs on her delicate mouth and lingerie you could see through a transparent cape. The kind of book you would hide under your bed until your mother decides today is a good day to clean her son's room.
"But, you know..." started Alex. Luna and the President kept arguing and yelling at each other.
"Isn't this girl..." he continued. The discussion grew louder and louder as both characters stepped up, ready to draw blood from each other. Careful with that axe, Luna.
"...a little young for you guys?"
Silence.
The entire room froze as if someone had stopped time. The only sound you could hear was the game's music on the small TV and the students doing sports outside.
"Alex..." started the President. Luna had a shocked expression on her face as if someone had just slapped her at full force.
"Well, it's true, isn't it? She looks around six, maybe seven in here. Wouldn't marrying her be illegal?"
Both characters screamed at full force. Alex tried covering his ears, but the President had already grabbed both his hands.
"YOU GODDAMN NORMIE!" he shouted.
"You absolute dumbass, I'll kill ya!" yelled Luna from behind.
"Eh? EH?". That's all Alex could say. He had no idea what was going on anymore. The President locked sights with him, making Alex feel like any move would end his life instantly.
"Listen here, you absolute fool! Kirara-chan is a proud, elegant, strong, independent, powerful, immortal 666 years old vampire! She's already lived more than all three of us combined will ever live! She's an intelligent, mature woman who just happens to look a little small!".
Luna continued from there. "That's right, Kirara-chan is just waiting for the next Walpurgis so she can reclaim her powers and take her body back at full force! But even she doesn't, she still sooooooooo cute looking like that!"
"B-b-b-but, you guys! She still LOOKS like a kid! That's a crime, you know!" retorted Alex, confused from their reactions.
"SHE.IS.A.VAMPIRE." stated the President clenching his fists.
"SHE.LOOKS.CUTE." followed Luna while biting her lip.
"Even so! If she looks like a kid, then it means you're attracted to a kid! That would make you both pe-"
The President and Luna grabbed Alex by the face and smacked him down to the ground. The sound echoed through the halls, yet no teacher came to check. They knew better than bothering with the club.
*****************************************************************************************************
"How did it turn like this..." thought Alex. He was completely tied up to his chair. President was sitting next to him, arms crossed, an aura declaring he would not hesitate to punch him if he tried running away.
"Good morning, my students!" said Luna, now wearing glasses, and holding a marker in her hand.
"It's 5 pm", said Alex.
"Be quiet, mongrel" retorted President.
"We're both the same nationality tho?!"
"Leaving the time aside..." started Luna. "Welcome to today's special lesson: Anime Girls and Age! Why 2D Ages Are Just A Number And You Should Stop Caring So Much About Them! Part One!" Luna did a small hop and made a V-sign with her fingers.
"That's a long name! Also, what do you mean by part one?! How many parts are there?!"
"Ehe★!"
"Stop doing that!". Alex rocked his chair left and right in anguish.
The whiteboard had a picture of Kirara-chan, and some notes next to it. "Vampire. Immortal. Actually ancient. Cute! My wife!"
"Here we can see Kirara-chan in all her splendor. OK, applause now" asked Luna and President stood up and clapped with tears on his eyes.
"I literally have my hands tied up..." said Alex in disgust.
"May I please have you look at this part here". Luna pointed at Kirara-chan with her marker. "What do you see here?" she asked Alex.
"...a kid'". He felt the president kick his chair but ignored him.
"Boo, too bad! What you see here is my cute wi-uhh I mean, Kirara-chan! An immortal, 666 years old vampire! She is not a kid, but an ellegant, powerful woman of grace and dignity! Calling her a kid is an insult and you should avoid using that words, you hopeless ugly pleb!"
"She still looks like a kid no matter what you say! And what did you just call me?!"
"You're too naive, Alex my dear!". Luna pointed her marker at Alex. "When it comes to 2D, age is but a number!"
"Yeah, that sounds like the logic of a pervert..."
"We are all perverts here tho"
"Don't group me up with you!"
President suddenly stood up and walked to the whiteboard. Alex had never seen him act so serious before.
"Alex, do you understand why people protect children in real life? It's not because they're holy beings who must never fall victims to human sin. It's because they're kids! They're immature, naive, ignorants creatures who can't do anything right at all!"
"Now that's a little mean..."
"But! Kirara-chan is no child! She has the forbidden knowledge of 1000 books inside her mind! The experience of 666 years of life, full of battles and fallen comrades! Her body looking like a child's represents her lost innocence in all those centuries of being chased by filthy humans who could not understand how precious she is! She's finally found a happy life in Little Vampy, and you...you are too stupid to realize that!"
"Eh?". Alex was confused. What was the President even saying?
"You see, Kirara-chan...had a hard life." The President walked to the window, took his glasses off and stared at the sunset.
"War...war never changes. And neither does she. She spent centuries running away in fear, trying her best to surive. She lost so many friends, so many family members. She almost lost her sanity after so much pain. But! She endured it all, you know? No matter what, she still kept smiling and living through hell, all just to prove to humans that she would reign supreme no matter what. She...she did her best. She still is. She's not a kid at heart, she is...my cute, perfect, strong, brave, intelligent and hard-working wife Kirara-chan! And I love her!". The President shouted those last words with tears running through his face.
He fell to the floor and brought his hands to his face, as if to cover his shame. "You don't get it, Alex!" he began. "All I want in life is to wake up every morning next to her. To see her cute sleeping face for a few minutes before I wake her up and she smiles at me, her husband! I want to make her breakfast! I want to see her fresh out of the shower! I want her to tell me about the silly dream she had last night! I want to kiss her goodbye once I go to work, a work I hate but do just to provide for her! I want to think about her every minute I spend at the office! I want to open the door and be received by her! I want her to offer me a bath, a meal, and a kiss! I would take all of them at the same time! I want her to surprise me with a positive pregnancy test! I want...I want that life...so badly..."
The President hould hold it no more. He opened the window and shouted to the city the name of her beloved wife (2D).
"President!" yelled Luna, hiding her face with her hands. "To think you love Kirara-chan so much...I'm so moved!"
"Luna! You're a true comrade! Kirara-chan would appreciate having a subordinate like you!". They both knocked fists and looked at each others' eyes with smiles on their faces as the sun slowly set behind them. You could just hear the orchestral BGM beside them.
Alex, on the other hand, did not understand the situation. Seriously, did the President just pull out a monologue about a loli vampire?
"Yeah but...she still looks like a kid. You guys are attracted to a kid, and that's just wrong."
The President appeared next to him as he had just used his secret Stand.
"Alex!" he yelled.
"Yes?!".
"Do you...see women as objects?"
"Eh? No, I don't. That's a really old way of thinking, you know."
"Then, why do you think liking Kirara-chan means I want to ******** and ***** her?"
"I have no idea what you just said! How did you even make those noises with your mouth?!"
"Just answer me!"
Alex thought hard on his next words. He didn't want to make them mad again. One wrong step and he would have to spend the rest of the afternoon being forced to read all volumes of Vampy-chan before going home.
"Well, you're right. If you like her because of the way she is and not based on her looks..." Alex looked at both his clubmates with a smile. "I guess it's not so wrong".
"Alex!" exclaimed the President and Luna as they hugged the tied up Alex.
"We knew you'd understand! Yes, Kirara-chan is an example of womanhood and I'll follow her example as the maiden in love I am!" said Luna as she wiped her tears and snot with Alex's clothes.
"I have taught you well, my young Padawan! Yes, it does not matter how she looks like. In the end, we love her for who she is and she loves us for who we are! She's not a real kid, but a 2D woman! The very best this universe has to offer!" President had never felt so proud before in his life.
"Yeah yeah! She's not a real person, but a character who we can fantasize about! We love her and she loves us!"
"Ahahaha, she sure does! She's not like all those 3D women, so she's instantly better!"
The mood in the room was bright again. The President laughed as he patted Alex in the back and Luna started talking about the costumes she would make Kirara-chan wear.
"...huh?". Suddenly, Alex had a realization.
"What's wrong, Alex?" asked Luna, stopping her reading of her Top 10 Outfits I Would Make Kirara-chan Wear On Our Honeymoon list.
"Well, you guys say you love Kirara-chan, right?"
They nodded.
"And it's not wrong because she's not a real kid, or a real person, right?"
They nodded once again.
"But then...".
Alex said it.
He opened Pandora's Box.
He had brought up the biggest taboo of the club.
"If she's not real...then she will never really love you".
she will never really love you...
she will never really love you...
she will never really love you...
Thunder struck at that moment.
"Eh? There were no clouds before. What gives?" asked Alex, but then he noticed his superior's faces.
Black. Totally and completely black. Their eyes were but round black holes that reflected no light. It was as their soul had left their mortal bodies.
"Ehe...hehehe...you're right. Kirara-chan will never love me, will she? Ahahaha...". The President's voice lacked any kind of emotion, yet he kept laughing.
"Ahahaha, you're right, Alex my dear...she's not real...she will never, ever go on a date with me and I'll never pick her outfit"
"I'll never wake up next to her..."
"I'll never kiss her goodnight..."
"I'll never...
"Never..."
"Hey, you guys? Are you ok? Did I say something wrong?". Alex rocked his chair, still unable to untie himself up.
"Ahaha...I have to...go think hard about my life now..." exclaimed Luna as she left the room.
"Ehehe...I'm gonna go kys myself now...maybe drinking the kool aid isn't a bad idea after all...". The President excited the room.
"Hey! Wait! You guys! I'm still tied up here! You guys! Don't leave me here! YOU GUUUUUUUUUYS!".
Alex screamed at them with no answer.
It would be a rough Friday night.
