7 MEMORY: The Butterfly and the Wallflower (Part 2)

Exams were coming so we were busier than usual.

My classmates had hoarded Yana to themselves and I pitied my seatmate’s predicament. Those fellas tend to be aggressive, after all. I admit, joining one of those group study sessions crossed my mind, just for the sake of knowing what it feels like; but seeing how exhausted my seatmate was in entertaining each of my classmate’s questions, I’d rather just sit and study quietly by myself instead of adding to her pile.

I was thinking of how kind she was. Too kind, even. For me, it wasn’t the duty of the smartest in class, but for her it was. I wasn’t worried she wouldn’t get her own study time (as if she needed it that much anyway). I was just... maybe... concerned that she wasn’t getting much time for herself? I kept putting down my book to glance at the empty seat beside me. It had been days like this and I wished the exams would finish soon.

It was almost lunch time and my face lit up the moment my seatmate returned to her seat. “Yana! Let’s—”

“I’m sorry, Rin. We still have two problems left. Can I borrow your calculator?”

“Uh, sure.” I handed the device as I watched her get worksheets from her bag.

“Thanks, oh and you can eat your lunch ahead if you like. You don’t have to wait for me.” She smiled and rushed back to the circle of chairs at the corner of the room.

I just sighed and looked at my buzzing classmates reviewing each other, solving problems together, making mini tests, and the like. High school sure was different. Everyone is so pumped up... except for me.

For a moment, I considered waiting for Yana to finish so we could eat lunch together like usual. But looking at her, getting serious all throughout, it made me think that maybe she was actually enjoying it. And I should just leave her at that. I had home-prepared lunch with me as always, but I didn’t feel like eating it. Instead, I found myself going to the cafeteria without a certain food in mind; just a feeling of wanting to get out of the bustle.

Lunch time was almost over when I decided to return to the classroom. The teachers seemed to be giving us more free time to review so I wasn’t really concerned about getting back in time. I could just read or nap again in the library if I wanted to, but after I make sure my seatmate ate her lunch. Just that one bit was important.

When I got back to the classroom, Yana wasn’t there. I went to my seat, thinking she only had gone to the restroom. My calculator was on my desk and her worksheets on hers. It made me think of the times she invited me to join their group study. “It’s quite fun to be working with everyone,” she said. I already knew how comfortable it is to work with her, and it was already fun. It hadn’t occurred to me to seek fun somewhere else.

Fifth period already started and as expected, it was self-study time again (until the last period, if we were lucky). Yana had been gone long enough so I started to wonder where she could have been.

“She’s in the clinic,” said a classmate. “No one told you?”

Heck, I didn’t even bother thinking of anything else but to leave right away to see her.

I didn’t expect I would be blocked at first by the nurse. She insisted that I should let Yana rest and that I didn’t have any business there. I just lied and said a teacher asked me to check on my seatmate and that was when she only let me through.

I drew the curtains to the side of her bed slowly, careful not to wake her up. I was then revealed to a sleeping Yana; her necktie, some meds, and a half-consumed glass of water on the bedside table.

I sighed at the view before me. She doesn’t have to overwork herself like this, I thought while looking at her pale expression. She was pretty energetic the whole time today, I thought she was okay.

I decided not to leave her side until she wakes up. She might need something and it would be easy if I was there. I won’t disturb her, I promise, I mentally rehearsed in case the nurse remembered to kick me out. Good thing she didn’t, or maybe she just ceased to care.

Looking at Yana made me wonder how it must’ve felt to sleep in a clinic bed. I’d never been in one (and I didn’t intend to) so I had no idea. I just thought it must probably be comfy enough for her to be able to sleep like that.

To kill time, I took interest in a few more things like her pair of shoes neatly placed at one side. It amused me on how small her shoes were (well, compared to mine). She must be size 6, or smaller. Well, she wasn’t that tall after all. I silently chuckled and imagined how she would look if she were taller, and I scratched the idea right away. She was already cute the way she was.

She didn’t have to be something else.