6 MEMORY: The Butterfly and the Wallflower (Part 1)

I had always found it amazing how easy it was for Yana to make friends, (not that I envy her or something). But it was just a matter of months and she was already in talking terms to those from other sections (whom I haven’t even had an idea of their existence).

This sounded like an exaggeration to me at first but then I realized, it was either she really was that sociable, or I was (and still am) only bad at recognizing and remembering people. Well, it’s not my fault people are just so hard to remember. The thing is, maybe my faulty memory wasn’t really the issue, but my lack of social skills. Not that I needed those anyway. Especially when it was just the two of us.

I was already used to being with Yana. Being with her in pair activities had been surprisingly well. She could make me focus on the task at hand and she was always encouraging me to share my thoughts with her. She was the type of student who could make things seem easier. Studying with her, doing assignments with her, just being around her had always been uplifting. Being with her made me realize I could still do better in class.

But it couldn’t always be the case, right?

I thought large class activities were pretty tolerable, except for the fact that some students tend to get left out. I guess that’s where the saying ‘too many cooks spoil the broth’ comes in. In a crowd, there are those who always stand out from the rest. There are those who assume the leadership position without even trying, while the rest just go with the flow.

It was relatively easier in grade school, when things weren’t as serious. It was just fun and games, until it was over eventually. We were growing up. The lessons were becoming harder. I had to keep up, or else, I’d get left behind.

My classmates who were in charge of the class presentation had already formed a circle. Yana was there, of course. Seeing her there made me feel that it was where she naturally belonged. I looked around and the rest of the class had formed their own smaller circles, too. Whether it was for the activity or just to pass time, I had no idea. I thought of approaching one of them just so I could appear to be doing something, but it didn’t feel right. It wasn’t like me, at all.

Quietly, I snuck out of the classroom, and found myself heading to the school library. It was a nice afternoon, and the teacher had just left us to study period; which meant I was free to do anything I wanted.

The library had become my favorite place in the high school building, so far. Mainly because the librarian seemed to not care of my presence at all (or maybe because she had already been familiar with my face).

I stopped at my usual table and placed the books I brought with me as props. I was smiling as I soaked myself in the quiet, empty corner where sunlight passed through the glass windows, faintly warming the smooth, varnished table; inviting me, lulling me to a sweet, peaceful slumber...

“Irene!”

A familiar voice knocked my senses awake. My ears could tell whose steps were coming toward me even with my eyes closed.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” I could hear her sigh. “I didn’t expect you to be slacking off, you know that?” Her voice was scolding, and yet hearing it was somewhat comforting.

I was about to raise my head from my book pillows when I felt her pulling a chair next to me. I chose not to move a muscle.

“Is there something wrong?” she said, her voice softer now.

“Rin...”

I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder which surprised me. She might have felt my reaction but it didn’t make her withdraw her hand.

At that moment I felt I had to face her. It was the right thing to do after she had come all the way for me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice a bit dry. “How did you find me here, though?” I couldn’t look straight at her, worried that I might look like a mess.

“It wasn’t that hard, actually,” Yana said. “You’ve been gone for almost an hour. You couldn’t have stayed long in the restroom or the cafeteria, and the clinic wasn’t the best option because you aren’t sick and the nurse would have sensed if you’re pretending.”

She took a deep breath and continued, “You’d be guilty of taking refuge in the prayer room, so the library was the only place left where you can hide because the librarian is trusting enough to let a top section student in. And there’s a high chance you probably wouldn’t be found this early, if I haven’t been keeping tabs on you.

For your information, I do care about my seatmate, Rin.”

What she said made me speechless, mostly because I felt embarrassed to have caused her trouble. It suddenly made me feel like I was a troublesome kid. But more than that, I didn’t expect someone would come looking for me. I didn’t know what to feel.

She stood up and so did I. I thought it was about time to leave but instead of heading to the door, Yana walked over to the window to look out at the garden below.

She was smiling at the view.

“It’s beautiful. It’s like the leaves are getting a nice touch from the sun,” she said, and turning to me, “Have you always done this before?”

“Just the first during study period,” I replied, still embarrassed of my behavior.

“Well, now I kind of understand why.” She shrugged. “I might go back to see this again but it doesn’t mean I tolerate this action of yours. Is that clear, Irene?”

I groaned, partly because she just sounded like an adult, and partly because we had to go back already. Leaving the library with her was like waking up from a nice afternoon dream.

“Hey, you can always tell me if something’s bothering you. You don’t have to keep it to yourself and just run away every time, okay?” Yana said once we were in the hallway.

I just nodded in reply.

“By the way, we already have discussed the outline of the activity. I’ll fill you in in the classroom. Tell me what you think, then?”

“Okay.”

In a way, the idea of going back to the enclosed jungle felt a little less awful than earlier. Maybe it was the effect of the short nap, or Yana’s glistening leaves, or maybe because for the first time, looking at them didn’t make me feel alone.

And it didn’t bother me at all.