1 The Lies and Truths

I live with my father in a small broken down house in Korea...North Korea. We had to go there when I was only 6 years old. My mother is dead. She died in a car accident on my 6th birthday. I have a grandma back in Daegu, South Korea who I have no memories of.

Why was I in North Korea you might ask? My dad is a secret agent for South Korea and after my mom died he was picked to go North. Unfortunately, I had to go too since he was my dad. I was still happy to go, as long as I had my dad. I was, am and will be fine as long as I have my dad.

It never really hurt too bad when mom passed away. I love her. I do, but appa has done such a great job that I didn't feel the gaping hole in my chest for too long. I am okay now. I just want to know the truth behind mom's death that's all.

I was sitting out on the grassy fields as I saw a couple of the North Korean soldiers walk around the border from far away. I could see them, we were that close to the border, but somehow still not close enough. Never close enough.

"Yah, Y/N come inside now. Let's eat dinner!" my dad yelled out to me from the kitchen through the broken window of our broken, moldy and deary thing called a house in the North. Even the food we eat is pretty terrible. Always the same. Bread, water, milk if we are lucky and biscuits.

"Yes, dad coming." I got up and looked into the border's horizon once again, wishing that we will be able to go back home and return to our lives from before. All happy, cheery and plenty. A sigh escaped my mouth as I stepped onto our porch, stopping to put a smile on my face before facing my dad. He is having a hard time anyway, no need for me to burden him more.

"Appa, you didn't take my portion did you?" I joked as I went inside. Only to be faced with two unknown men. I stepped back instinctively, panicking, wondering if we were caught. My heart had stopped and I couldn't breathe until I saw the men's face. I get scared to death every time they show up wondering if this was it. I couldn't help it. I am constantly scared for my dad's and my life.

"Ah, Y/N. You are getting prettier by the day." Same old comment.

"Right? Ah, if only you were in the South, you would have boys fawning over you." Same again.

I simply nodded my head. How could I forget these men? They were from the South. They come to badger dad for information every 6 months. The response from my dad was the same each time they came, "Sorry, but I couldn't find anything. If I had some official North papers made for me to start working in their government positions then I might be able to get something." Their answers were the same as usual as well, "Sorry, but we can't do that. You are one of our best men and you know a lot about us and so giving you papers seems difficult. Sorry." And then after a couple more tries to persuade they leave and we continue to rot here in the North. I can't say I am fond of them. But this time something was different, they stayed a bit longer and passed dad some papers and told him 'good luck' as they were leaving. They were never this friendly before so why now? Dad looked confused as well so I decided to ask later, I had bigger questions that needed answering.

"Appa, let's eat," I said to break the tense atmosphere that's always left behind in the house after those men leave every time.

"Right, right. Let's eat, we need to stay strong right daughter?" dad replies looking out into the distance. I bet he misses South Korea a million times more than me and here I am complaining.

"Appa," I would always ask dad these questions after the South agents leave, but dad would evade it saying I wasn't old enough. Well, I became an adult a year ago and am 19 this year so he should answer now, right? "Appa, why are we here? Why you of all people? What exactly are we looking for here?"

He covers my mouth quickly and looks around real quick. He stands up and walks around the house pretending to check the cracks of the house and filling it with some of the grass that's lying by. He comes back after closing the door and sits down next to me.

"You better keep your mouth shut okay. Not a peep about this to anyone. You can handle it now right?" I nod my head. Surprised that he was going to answer.

"I was positioned here to spy on the Northside due to the cold war that's going on between the two sides. Any information I found that would be helpful to the South is supposed to be reported to those agents that come here. The world is a scary place, but politics can be even worse." He takes a deep breath and looks around once more. "Sweety, I was placed here because I found out something about one of our clients who came to our security company, someone who was running for office at the time for National Treasure. And the things I heard and was told to do was beyond me hence, here we are in the North without paper or backup." I looked up at him in shock. All this for politics? All this for hearing something about a client at the company?

My dad only stroke my back as I was digesting the information. I motioned for him to continue. "Well, what I had seen and heard about was a black market deal. A very black deal between some people of the North and South. As I saw it unfold in front of my eyes, I couldn't just sit still and do nothing. I talked to our company's president, who told me 'business was business' and told me not to get involved, that it never ends well. He tried so hard to stop me, but I didn't stop. His last warning to me try to stop me was by saying he wasn't going to help or back me up if I messed up. And I being hot-headed and overconfident those days, jumped into the fire without thinking of the consequences and ended up losing my wife, family, position, merit, and country." My dad broke down and I for the first time in my whole life saw his tears. I couldn't believe what I had heard. 'I lost my mom due to a black deal and politics. I lost my mom, life, and happiness due to politics.' We sat in silence and continued to stare out in space when we heard a knock on our front door. We quickly stood up and cleaned up ourselves as I went to open the door. I had so many more questions, so much to ask, but guess they are for the next time.

"Oh, hello uncle come on in." I greeted.

"Aigoo, did we interrupt something?" My uncle, specifically, my dad's best friend who had been his best friend since they were kids asked. What a strong bond, they even got moved to the south with us. He is honestly, our closest family member here and in South Korea. Uncle is also a single dad and his wife had passed away due to cancer when his son was 3 years old. So uncle's son who is 21 years old is my best friend, who was raised by my mother before she...passed away.

"Oi, pabo why are you spaced out?" Uncle's son came up to me and hit me on my back. Goddammit, he hits hard. I turn to glare up at him only to find his cute box-smile on his face.

'Aish, I can't stay mad at him can I?' I started smiling at his goofiness as he pulled me outside to sit as the adults talked about more heartbreaking things, probably.

"Yah, Kim Taehyung!" I yelled as he pulled me outside and then pushed me into the haystack that was piled up near our house.

"Yah? Did you just talk informally to me you little thing?" He came rushing at me to hit me again, but I dodged it, all of it. We kept on sparing in the field neither one of us got to land a hit, but it was refreshing. I got a chance to vent my anger. We laid down in the grassy field, side by side, trying to catch our breaths.

'Guess all the combat training I received from dad paid off.'

"So what's got you so pissed? You were trying to kill me back there." he propped himself up on his elbows and leaned over me a little to look directly into my eyes.

"Huh? Me? I am not pissed." I turned my head away to avoid his eyes. His stare always feels as if they can see right into my soul. Creepy guy.

"Yah~are you seriously going to be like this? Just tell me. We don't keep secrets, right?" he nudged me continuously until I looked at him. Bad choice. He was still staring at me and now that I looked into his eyes I felt my tears swell up again.

"Shit." I pushed him aside and got up to leave when I heard him.

"So your dad finally told you huh?" I froze, realizing that I was the only one who was left out in the dark. I felt so...clueless and useless. A burden.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me from behind. I knew that it was Taehyung, but it didn't feel like him. I suddenly saw him in a different light. He seemed mysterious, strong, lonely and...a liar. All this time he knew why we were going through this, but he never told me. He never shared his burdens with me...am I that weak? Do I have to be this sheltered from the truth?

I pushed away his arms and punched him as a thank you for lying to me. But he simply got up and pulled me into his warm arms again. This time completely overpowering me so that I couldn't getaway.

"Leg go offf meh." I had my face smushed onto his chest and couldn't breathe. "Yah, caan'r brethee-ah!"

"Ah sorry sorry. I was scared you were going to punch me again." He gave me that box-smile again. Only this time it didn't work to lessen my anger. I pushed away from him again and walked a few steps back from him as I felt my tears falling. "Everything I knew just fell apart all at once and I feel so betrayed, but at the same time I don't even know how to react, but you think everything is okay? You can smile at me and I'll be fine? Taehyung oppa! Can you please be serious for once?!" I whispered yelled afraid dad was going to hear, afraid that the soldiers were going to hear. Afraid of everything all the time, that's the life I have lived since 6 years old.

"So, me being serious is going to solve everything all of a sudden?" Taehyung oppa looked at me seriously with a poker face. He seemed scary and way different from the usual Taehyung oppa I knew. His voice had lowered as well, I instinctively took a step back as Taehyung oppa took a step forward. He saw it, but he continued to step forward. "You think you are the only one having a hard time? Everyone is having a hard time, your dad, my dad, our family back home, me and...you. I know it's hard, but we have to deal with it. Life isn't fair Y/N, it never was and it never will be." By this time I had stopped walking and Taehyung oppa was right in front of me..."Yah, everyone has a different way of dealing with pain. You fake your smiles and I...try to forget the pain." With that, he gently pulled me into a hug once again and this time I welcomed it. I felt too broken. I remember my mom, her beautiful smile, her cheerful personality. I remember playing in the yard with both of my parents in Seoul. I remember our happy family along with Uncle and Taehyung oppa. But everything was gone now and we were in North Korea.

"Sorry oppa, I jus-"

"Shush...it's okay go ahead and cry. Just try not to get your snot all over my shirt okay?"

I looked up at him in shock and jokingly punched him and we started to laugh again at the mess that my face was in. I finally noticed that my dad and uncle were secretly watching us from the kitchen window. I looked at dad and smiled and he smiled back. When dad went back inside Taehyung oppa came up behind me and slung his arm around my shoulders.

"Yah, you better be grateful you have such an amazing oppa! You pabo," he said smugly.

As a way to show my gratitude, I stepped on his foot and ran inside the house as he's yelling after me, only to find dad and uncle in a deep conversation.

When Taehyung oppa came inside after me we hear my dad say, "It's time."