33 Wistful Thoughts

ZhouYan was clinging to the edge of the windowsill by his claws, peering at them, annoyance clear in his judging eyes. Something white with red lines fluttered and seemed to fight to be freed from his peak.

MingYu took hold of the paper, and it unfolded itself, revealing talisman markings scrawled on with red ink.

ZhiYi was looking at the talisman with a frown.

"What is it?" MingYu said, turning the paper around in his hand, inspecting the harsh lines. He had never seen such a talisman before in his life. They couldn't be anything produced by Heaven. The paper moved on its own, tugging at MingYu's hold.

"Let it go, MingYu. It's a message from Fan ZhiHao."

MingYu released his hold, and the paper fluttered in front of ZhiYi for a moment, then it sparked and burned in the air. Flaming words appeared in its place, hovering in the sky before dissolving away. It read,

'

Wang ZhiYi, it's been a while since you have visited this old man. Whenever you have time, do stop by. In the meantime, can I kindly ask you to tell PingZe to return the ink he stole?

Fan ZhiHao

'

"Ink?" MingYu turned to look at ZhiYi with his brows furrowed. "Why would PingZe steal ink?"

ZhiYi froze as his mind raced, trying to make sense of it. He put AhXin back into his little basket and tucked the sleeping boy neatly under his blanket, giving his tummy a little rub before moving away.

Fan ZhiHao's ink was no regular ink, and PingZe very well knew it, since he used to be Fan ZhiHao's apprentice for a brief while before they kicked him out of the NiuJiao sect premises.

Hearing this, MingYu said, "What does the ink do?"

ZhiYi paced the room, then sat down on the bed, deep in thought. "The ink is his special invention. It has powerful demon talismans he invented, burned to ash and mixed within the ink. But I don't know what its properties are."

MingYu could sense that ZhiYi was holding something back, so he pried, "What else?"

ZhiYi was silent for a moment before he said, "I think PingZe is using it for a tattoo."

"Tattoo? Why?"

"I don't know," ZhiYi said.

PingZe's actions were hard to decipher. He was too abrupt, too reserved. Even with his everlasting grin, and the carefree air he exuded around him, there was always something hiding beneath the surface.

MingYu sat down on the bed next to ZhiYi with disdain clear in his eyes. "First the talisman, now the ink. What next?"

***

The inn's bed was spacious enough for two grown adult men to share. The thin duvet was pulled over MingYu, covering his ears. Only his eyes and the top of his head were left bare. It was already late into the wee hours of the night. The gong had rung just now, informing the people that the second hour of the day had just started.

AhXin was shuffling around in his sleep in the little basket, making soft little sounds from time to time.

MingYu failed to sleep. It had become a recurring scene where he would lay awake at night, taking in his surroundings, and studying the man who slept right next to him.

He had trailed his eyes over the slight hill on the otherwise straight nose for days now. MingYu watched as the thin lips parted whenever ZhiYi shifted in his sleep. There was an urge to reach out, to caress the other man's cheek with his fingers and brush against the long lashes that rested over the high cheekbones. But MingYu stopped his urge and merely admired and memorized every little detail.

The moment MingYu finished his punishment, he wouldn't get to see these features ever again. He would take this time to carve these details into his mind, so that even when he closed his eyes, they would still be there, as vivid as ever.

ZhiYi shifted, and MingYu shrunk under his blanket, hiding his eyes. ZhiYi slept like a corpse, rarely moving in his sleep. MingYu was cocooned in the blanket while ZhiYi slept without a cover. Demons didn't feel cold, so the arrangement worked for them.

MingYu peaked from under the cover.

ZhiYi's brows were furrowed, but he didn't open his eyes. His face was now leaning over to the side, his nose almost touching MingYu's.

A little smile tugged at MingYu's lips as his eyes softened. He would come to miss these fleeting moments. ZhiYi's lips parted, and MingYu expected him to shift again, but instead of turning away, ZhiYi said with a scruffy tone, "I can feel your stare. If there is something on my face, just wipe it off."

MingYu raised his hand from under the duvet and slowly, he brushed over ZhiYi's cheek with his fingertips. Turning his attention to ZhiYi's jawline, he caressed it with his knuckles before briefly running his thumb over ZhiYi's soft lips.

Seeing that ZhiYi still kept his eyes closed and made no protests, MingYu smiled as he relished over the fact that he had the permission to touch the man.

"Why are you smiling?"

MingYu quickly melted his smile away as he removed his hand. He had lingered over ZhiYi's face for a moment too long. But ZhiYi hadn't opened his eyes. How could he tell MingYu was smiling?

"I'm not smiling and keep your eyes close. Just sleep, ZhiYi."

"I can't if you keep looking at me." ZhiYi's mumbled.

"I won't. Just sleep."

A smile crept over ZhiYi's lips, but he kept his eyes closed.

"You've been doing this a lot, lately. Can't sleep?"

"I'm just nervous about what's coming up next in the punishment." MingYu lied through his teeth. So ZhiYi had noticed his crude stare since the beginning. He pulled the duvet tighter around his body as if shielding him away from ZhiYi and the world. He could feel his cheeks burning and he raised the blanket up, leaving only his eyes visible.

"Well, I'm glad that it's my face that calms your heart and nobody else's." ZhiYi murmured. He turned, then shifted his entire body to face MingYu. Long strands of hair draped over his shoulders, pooling between them like spilt ink. "Now you can look at me properly."

MingYu's heart clenched at the sight. He listened as ZhiYi's breath slowly regained its steady pace. As MingYu watched ZhiYi sleep, a thought crossed his mind, and his smile slowly froze.

ZhiYi had married and had two beautiful children. But now, in the middle of his mourning, ZhiYi had accompanied MingYu and ended up travelling through this vast land to help MingYu finish his punishment.

Would ZhiYi still be here if he knew of MingYu's unspoken thoughts? Or would he leave and forget their brotherhood?

The last remnants of the smile died out as MingYu's gaze hardened. Wistful thoughts, MingYu repeated in his mind, as he ran his eyes over ZhiYi one last time. Turning his back to ZhiYi, he stared into the wall, blinking rapidly.

Everything was great. MingYu had now reunited with all of his brothers. He would make more memories before going back to Heaven. He would cherish these fleeting moments. When the time came, he would relive all of them in a safe place, where no one could see or read his thoughts. He would be free to be himself and live the life he had always desired within the walls of his imagination.

MingYu blinked a few more times, swallowing down the lump forming in his throat. What was it like for Wu TianLan to watch ZhiYi live the idyllic family dream? Was he spiteful? Supportive? Indifferent?

MingYu and Wu TianLan wouldn't be and shouldn't be jealous that someone like ZhiYi found love and happiness. They were brothers. Nothing more, nothing less, MingYu decided as he closed his eyes and drifted to an uneasy sleep.