1 I can’t sleep

I checked my phone again. No notifications. I set my phone down with a sigh. My emotions were going haywire right now and I didn't know why. After another minute of trying to sleep, I checked my phone again. No notifications. I scrolled through Instagram and discord but no one was up. Well it's 1:40, what did I expect. The silence was starting to drive me crazy. After a short while I started humming a piece of music I had heard, but since I couldn't remember it that well the same couple notes came out on repeat. Just think of nothing then I might go to sleep. Just think of black, just think of black, just think of black. It didn't work. Every time I would try to think of nothing but black, my mind would wander off. I checked my phone again. Why am I still trying. No one is awake. They don't care about you. They don't like you. They just pity you. They see a sorry excuse for a human and pitied me so much they decided to be friends with me for a little bit. I'm better off dead. I'm wasting oxygen. I should just die. This always happens. I stay up too late and my thoughts turn to something dark. I need to move. I slowly got up from my bed, as my floor was creaky and I didn't want to wake anyone up. I walked to my door and opened barely turning the handle. I finally got the door opened and started walking down the hallway. Since it was night time the walls were washed with this weird black and white color. I had a little trouble walking around but I put my hands to the walls as to steady myself. I finally got the kitchen. It wasn't very large, as my family was quite poor, but I cooked food and that's all I cared about. The floor was covered in this slightly cracked plastic tile that were very ugly to look at even when it was almost pitch black. I made my way up to the fridge and opened it, like I was expecting to see food magically appear. My mood had somehow turned even worse. I didn't feel like walking back to room, even if it was almost 15 steps away. But even one step felt enormous for me. I closed the fridge and started walking back to my room, putting my hands back onto the wall. When I finally got to my room, my first instinct was to open my phone but I managed to fight against it. But what if someone texted me, or someone needed some emotional support. I made up more and more excuses until I picked up my phone and started scrolling through. There was still nothing.