15 Chapter 15: Regrets

After hearing what he declared, my world suddenly stop. Like the things he said for the past few months, the effect on me is still the same. His choice of words got a constant impact on me, on my heart, on my whole soul. My heart would beat so darn fast, then I would get lost in a trance and unnecessary ideas and impossible to answer questions will mess with my mind again.

Five days had already passed after that incident. Nothing really change between us. That's the case for him, I guess.

I can't fathom what do I truly feel, I hate this feeling. There's this part on me where I was glad hearing those words, but there's still a huge portion... A part where I began to feel afraid... Afraid of the possible outcome of my unnamed feeling. Scared that this might be the thing that would hindrance my plans, and the things I want to achieve... I'm so terrified.

"Pops..." I look at him, we are at the garden now. He said he wanted to plant some flowers and I volunteered to help him since I don't have school today.

He looked at me. Anticipating for the thing that I will say.

"Did you got scared when you realized that you love Mamay?" the question caught him off guard. From sitting in front of the scattered soil, he stand then walk towards the wooden bench near the acacia tree. I followed him.

"Why? Do you have someone you like?" his lips then formed a teasing grin.

My eyes abruptly widened and my mouth went agape. No words came out from my mouth.

"Just kidding, darling," he uttered when he saw how anxious I get with his query.

"Yes. I got scared," my old man earnestly said. My gaze fell on the ground and listened to what my grandpa is going to say.

"I was afraid that she can not love me back. I was afraid that my life will totally change because of what I am feeling. My fear was out of this world, thinking that if I still pursue my love for her, I might forget about my responsibility to my family, I might forget the plans I made for myself. But the thing that frightened me the most was the thing that I can sacrifice for her and I was fucked up thinking that even my dream... I can sacrifice just for her," he explained longer than I expected. I looked up at him, he's looking up at the leaves and trying to stifle a smile that can break out any minute now.

"And that's what happened, I gave up on my dream of being a captain just for her. I took the risk just to be with her. I gambled everything and it changed my whole life. I play the game not knowing the chances of winning were too low. But everything was worth it. Still worth it," now, he failed to hide his genuine smile. "Every gamble, every losing game, every struggle, every hardship... All of them paid off, I regret nothing," I can't help it, the corner of my lips lift while staring at him. I like the sight of him smiling and remembering the love of his life.

"You said you gave up being a captain for Mamay, is that your dream Pops?" I curiously asked.

Pops gently nodded. "Yeah, my childhood dream; to be a captain whether on land or on sea. It was my dream," he said then glanced at me.

"But you know, the time I dropped that dream, I felt nothing but happiness. Because the dream that I lost became the path that leads me to a new one... The moment I lost that dream, I found a new one, the one that's worth every pain and hardships. I found her... I found Marzena... She was my dream, she still is..." the genuine smile never left his face while remisnicing those good old days with her wife.

"Wow..." it is the only word I can articulate at that moment.

Fascinating. I didn't expect that people can do such thing because they are in love. Well, reading novels, that's what they described in those books. Nevertheless, it's just different knowing someone who loves their partner that way. What a selfless and tough love they have.

His love for Mamay made him braver. Love really does something to people,huh?

Now I know what can love do to people. When you love someone, you are willing to take every risks you can encounter. You can sacrifice anything, even your dreams. I admire that...

But, I don't think I can do that. I don't think I can sacrifice my dream for the one I love. I mean, I don't have my dream to begin with. Because the moment I found my dream, I would never sacrifice it, despite the fact that I love the person.Call it a selfish act but that's my choice. There are still countless ways to be with someone I love without sacrificing my dream, right?

In this generation, you can achieve as many dreams as possible. So there's still a possibility that I can achieve my dream and be with the one I love.

"I don't think I can do that,Pops," his attention is back on me. "I don't think I am capable of sacrificing my dream for the one I love."

"It's okay, sweetheart. Just because I sacrifice mine it doesn't mean you should sacrifice yours," he gave me an assuring smile and place his hand of top of my head. "There are many ways to show your feelings to someone. It varies. Every person has there own way of proving their love. Every love is unique. For my case, that's the thing I did to prove my love for your Mamay."

"The only similarity I can think of for every person's love is the risk. No matter how little it is, every person who loves, take risks. Love is nothing without a little risk, right?" he smirked at me.

"Right..." I smiled—agreeing with what he said.

Maybe I'll take the risk. Perhaps it's time to stop fooling myself and denying my own feeling. It's time to gamble and take some risk. Whatever happens, no regrets.

Right, Nali. No regrets.

"What are you two doing there?" my vision was quick to see who's standing far ahead of us. I saw my brother Ryle walking in our direction. He's still wearing his office attire.

"N-Nothing..." I nervously uttered.

I heard Pops shrugged, "We are talking about "love", son. Looks like your sister here already fancy someone," there's a hint of mocking in his tone.

My cheeks immediately heat up. "Pops!" I scold my grandfather then run fast inside the house, afraid that my brother will scold me too.

For sure, that one will freak out.

The moment I entered my room, I saw my phone. Should I do it?

Yeah, I should.

I looked for his number on my contacts. when I saw it pressed it.

To Kale:

Meet me tomorrow at the rooftop. 7AM. Sharp. I have to tell you something.

Should I send it? My hands were shaking, anticipating to press the send button.

I squeal with the sudden slam of the door, I saw my brother standing there.

My attention got back on my phone when it ding— a sign of receiving a message.

Kale:

Alright. See you.

I cursed underneath my breath. I accidentally pressed the button when I got surprised because of my damn brother.

My brother is spewing some nonsense in front and of me. I didn't give him any glance became of the anxiousness that building up inside me. I don't know what I did after that moment.

The next day, I woke up early. No scratch that. I didn't get any sleep because of too much thinking.

After minutes of contemplating if I should really do this, I choose to stand up, take a quick bath and wear whatever shirt and jeans I grab from my closet. I go to the garage after putting my clothes, and I immediately saw Mang Jude. Maybe he can drive me to my destination.

"What are you going to do at the hospital, hija?" he asked. The movement of the car is slowing down.

"I'll visit a friend, po," I lied.

My mind was restless as I got on the elevator. When the door opened, our eyes immediately met.

He look so handsome in the morning. I can stare at him all day.

I snapped out of my reverie when he greet me, "Morning..." Kale give me a small smile.

"Morning..." I smiled back regardless the fact that my heart is already beating too loud I can almost hear it.

I walk towards him slowly because my knees were shaking badly.

"What do you want to tell me? Do you need help with something?" he calmly said and then pouted.

"I-I... I uhh..." Nali, relax.

I closed my eyes, muster all the courage I have, then let out a deep sigh. It's okay, Nali. Whatever happens, no regrets.

When I open my eyes, I looked straight at his mesmerizing eyes. Right, no regrets.

Here it comes, "I l-like you." my voice is literally shaking.

"I like you, Kaly," I repeat no more stuttering.

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