Target

My target was stood still, in clear view. My index finger was just a trigger pull away from my crossbow landing an arrow right in between his eyes. The kill would be excruciatingly clean and quick. It was the perfect positioning, on both sides. Him out on the open balcony and as for me, in a small enclosed house. It had a window upstairs that directly faced the balcony which was not any more than 20 ft away. I had him, this was it. This is his fate and this was his time and I, the determiner of it.

This is the only thing I knew, to take orders from the Queen and to follow in my family's path. It runs in my blood my father told me right before he died. If it's any family you would not want to disarray with it was the Cubras, the only family who pride their heritage on the fact they are assassins. But I couldn't help that as of now, I was noticeably sweating out of anxiety and my hands were trembling. My mind felt clouded by a thick thudding fog and I was slowly losing my concentration. They lied, this didn't feel like a livestock kill. If it was a rabbit that was standing before me, I would have pulled the trigger with little to no hesitation. But as of now, it was my hesitation and rapid heartbeat which overtook my whole being. Not the focus of my target. My first human kill will also happen to be the Prince.

She says if I do this, she will get my family out of poverty. I can finally.. enjoy a lavish life. No need to kill livestock for survival, no need for my mother and younger brother to be in the outskirt constantly farming to gain an income. We can all live together and in the palace. She says she will give us part of the left wing, where the bed boards are made out of jewels. I need to do this for my family. But I couldn't understand why my brain wasn't convinced and the trigger felt heavy. This was an act of injustice, as much as I try to convince myself that it will get my family out of poverty I knew it was rooted in selfishness. A livestock kill was rooted in survival, as for this mans death.. it is favour. His kill would gain me nothing other than a temporary joy of reward and then eternal guilt, that I knew. He was not a sick hearted man like his father. But an innocent son who was under the shadow of his fathers wrongdoings. It was an act of injustice... for me to kill him in the most simplest terms would be futile. His death might pay the price of the Kings wronging because he will suffer over his sons death. But the price payed will be money made out of dirt, worthless. It would make the Kings wrongdoings as bad as killing an innocent man to pay the price for. I couldn't ... I can't. Not with my values and not with my morals. My father would have pulled the trigger without thought by now. He was emotionless, even with my family.. with my mother. His eyes were cold and I could never gather his real intentions. He wasn't happy, and I could see it in his face..that something within him was completely dead. Seeing him smile and laugh was a rare sighting. But it wasn't guilt that he was harboured with but unsatisfaction. I heard him talk to my mother once saying he kills for the money, for us to survive. He's a lier, it was all rooted in the power he got out of it afterwards of knowing he took the life of someone, I could see how it made him think he could walk the earth untouched. But he was also the same man who not only a few months ago died after contracting the consumption from an ill persons droplet. He was just as delicate as all human beings come. Just one that was deluded into thinking he could cheat the fact. How I looked at him with disgust, was the only way that I knew that he did like me. He cared over what I thought at least . I didn't want power. I wasn't insecure in the fact that at times I do feel weak and helpless. But I knew that to feel wasn't a weakness, it was part of the experience to be human. To feel is to know you're alive. Even if what I felt hurt, belittled and angered me, I felt it strengthen me as I become more and more immune to it. Negative feelings are not a weakness but to fight it is, to act out on it is. Healing comes from forgiveness. That was the only way I could ever stand my father, I forgave him. As I stand looking across and over to this man I am about to shoot, I am seeing myself in the man I didn't ever want to be like. Though my rapid thoughts which blurred my vision finally came to a halt when I had realised he'd seen me, in fact he has been looking in my direction for no less than two minutes. Leaning against the curb of the balcony, squinting and looking exactly over to this window I'm knealt by. I quickly withdrew my crossbow and put it down to the wooden floor. I turned around and knelt down on both of my knees and raised my hands behind my head. I knew any minute now the guards will jolt through the doors and up here. He must have alerted them whilst I was still proceessing over to assassinate him or not. I always knew the answer deep down, that I wasn't going to. Even before I came here. Yet I still did, because being rich for a moment seemed no longer out of reach but a reality. So I came it this city , and just as I could almost grasp the reality of me and my family becoming rich, I realised that the only kill here would be me instead of him. Knowing the whereabouts of my wealth was enough to deadened me. To assassinate him wasnt worth losing my self over, it wasn't worth having the snippets of him taking his last breaths forever haunting a part of my consciously aware mind. It wasn't worth it in any sense that wasn't temporary. Humans need morality. I saw how with every useless assassination my father committed that if would chip away at his morality. Nothing could ever bring that man to intensity or even tears, his heart stopped beating long before it even physically did. He was no different to an animal, that only knew of to sleep and eat. I stayed in my position, I guess I mentally accepted the consequences to being arrested . I wanted to run away and even assessed the situation but I knew the guards would have reached at-least the outside of the house. The only escape route was to jump out through this window. I had no chance. Though it was oddly quiet, no chain armoured guards with spears that clacked against the concrete floor was audible. The only audible thing was the busy market that was coming from afar distance. I turned back round over to the window to see if he had gone, but he was yet there. This time not looking in my direction. Could he have possibly not actually seen me. Or maybe I was lucky and moved away just in time he was able to make out I was holding a crossbow. But no doubt, from where he stood he would have seen and knew that it was one. He now looked over to me again and we held eye contact for a few seconds before he broke it off by walking back inside. It was my chance to run, if he could alert the guards it would be now. I reached for my crossbow and made my way out the door as quick as I could. I walked fast and away from the city because I needed to reach the forest atleast. I eventually did and I knew I was now somewhat safe, they couldn't determine my whereabouts in a place like this. There are no deadends. I was lucky this time, but in the eyes of the Queen, a failure. She wants to rid me of my personality by making me her puppet. And that I wasn't going to deter to it. Sure, if she needs me to rid of the actual bad ones, I have the skills to. My job is to be her personal assassin afterall. But no one who doesn't give me a reason to and nothing rooted in hatred nor anger. Emotional battles are not healed by physical damage. She wanted me initially to kill the King but realised what use would that have if he doesn't ever suffer and instead is just made ' to never feel again'. Those were her own words. Its why she wanted me to go for the son. She's wicked, but she's my Queen. She has her reasons to hate the King, everyone in our Kingdom does. But she didn't choose her battles justly, not the way a Queen should. I knew today I also needed to come here to keep my privileges at the palace. If I refused she could have me arrested. Since afterall I lived as the maids do at the palace. I was given a small room with a blanket for a bed a bucket for a bathroom and leftovers from the evenings feast for dinner. I took over my father after he died I had no choice in the matter. He had trained me to be an efficient assassin ever since I was seven. I knew how to shoot and hunt and make a home out of the forest. I knew how to fend and to observe. I was skilled and so I was his heir in that sense. I always was going to be, he made sure we had no where to go. He made sure we were committed to her, to the Queen.

Here I am just one year after my fathers death, now to be the personal assassin to Queen Sarzan of Nairo.