1 99 Problems

Most 21 year old's have already experienced a lot of things that life as to offer but not me. I was diagnosed with mitral valve prolapse at age 17. Now be mindful that I was having symptoms from 8th grade. Chest pains that lasted for 2 minutes at first, started lasting for 10 minutes.

I graduated from high school on my 17th birthday. I was having family drama because of everything that I went through with my sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and yes even my parents.

My parents use to fight a lot and when they fought it could get pretty heated. I had a rocky relationship with my dad and because of that every little thing that I did he found bothersome. A primary school girl dealing with all that didn't do much for my health. I was so unhappy that I cried my self to sleep most nights.

My eldest sister, who was raised by her mom, was the one that I wanted to talk to but because of everything I pushed her away and in return she did the same. We were so close that you could say that we were inseparable.

It was like hurt after hurt and it was emotionally and physically draining. In my mind, no one was going to stay around to make sure I'm good. No one wanted to take care of my needs so why should I allow you to. I was in desperate need of company, of love and the sense of warmth.

My older brother was no different. He too was raised by his mom so we barely saw each other. If he did come around it was for a few minutes, once or twice every few months. My siblings that I was so close to and needed was no where to be found in my time of need.

Over the years, whenever I dated anyone I would look for the smallest thing to lash out and leave. My family situations made me miserable. Dealing with trust issues, anger issues, health issues, family issues and even depression made me see myself as unattractive. I figured that if I saw myself that was then everyone else did....but did they really??