Lies I Tell Myself

Emily's POV

After that encounter, I was actually going to the dormitory, but I changed plans and went to the nearest coffee shop instead and it is a great timing cause my friend, Alex, has their shift for today in Starbucks.

Alexis is one of my highschool friends that I met 5 years ago. She's a cheerful, sporty gal, who's also a bit mischievous, but also knows how to be serious.

I pulled over at Starbucks and then went in to order iced coffee with a bagel. It is a usual order for me in every coffee shop I visit. Call me old, but it's certainly a classic.

I asked one of the baristas if Alexis is around at this time and they said that she'll be going home soon for today, so she'll be free soon.

I nodded and grabbed my order as I was in a search of a seat for two. I found one located in the corner of the shop with no one sitting right next to it. I took a seat and then stirred my coffee, taking a bite with my bagel.

I ranted on twitter in relation of the incident that happened moments ago. My tweet blew up and a lot of people in the comments kept asking what happened, who it was, and the setting of the said incident.

I ignored the comments which is a bad idea cause by tomorrow, I'm certainly gonna get swarmed by a bunch of interviewers, asking the same questions they asked today.

10 minutes later, Alexis approached me and gave me a hug, she was carrying a bunch of paper which I think is one of the works she procrastinated over the week.

"Hey, I heard you were looking for me?" She asked, "and why are your eyes reddish and puffy?"

"I cried inside the grocery store."

"Why?" She asked, "Is this about him again?"

"Yes..."

"Emily, didn't I tell you to get over him?" She replied, disappointment in her tone.

"I know, but it's so hard."

"I understand, but at some point, you really have to." She replied, holding my hand.

I stayed silent. She's right, I have to get over him, I'm just killing myself on repeat.

"Now, what exactly did he do?" She asked.

"After an encounter I had with this annoying guy, I saw him picking out fruits with a girl."

"I told you he takes out different girls almost everyday." She said, "Franco is straight up a player."

"I hid cause I couldn't keep in the pain I was feeling when I saw them."

"This guy has damaged you a lot, Emily." She said, "Both mentally and emotionally."

"True, I only noticed after so many years of liking him."

"I'm sure you noticed a long time ago." She said, "but you just didn't have the guts to let go of him."

Alexis can read me like an open book, every word she says is precise. Yeah, I did notice a long time ago, I just didn't let go cause in my heart, a tiny flame of hope lingered.

"You have to let him go, Emily." She said, as she was staring into my eyes.

"I'll try. It's gonna be hard, but I'll try."

"Okay, I believe in you." She said, "Did he see you crying?"

"No, but he saw me as soon as I stepped out of the store and called my name out."

"Did you turn around?" She asked, "Tell me you didn't."

"I didn't. Hearing his voice made me run. My eyes were extremely puffy and red, I did not want him to know that I still love him."

"I'm assuming he chased you when you ran away." She guessed, "Am I right?"

"Yes. He almost catched up, but I made it out of his glimpse."

"This man will never be good for you." She said, leaning back on her seat. "He does not deserve you, not even one bit."

"You can do better." She added, "You deserve someone who'll love you in your worse and best days."

"A man who will try his best to be better for you." She continued, "who stares at you out of nowhere cause of how in love he is with you."

Those words of wisdom were an eye opener for me, but I know it'll be a struggle. I'll end up forgetting and neglecting it cause of how much I give in to my emotions.

"In short, you deserve a man of efforts, not a man of words." She finished.

"Thank you."

"I'll be going now." She said, standing up and giving me hug. "I have deadlines to make up due to procrastination."

I smiled, "Bye! I'll be going soon as well."

She waved goodbye and hurriedly ran out of the shop, hailing a cab. It was getting late, so I finished my order, left a tip, and then drove to the dormitory's new location.

Upon driving, I contemplated on Alexis' thoughts a while ago in the coffee shop and realized that all of this lingering hope and love I have for Franco are lies I tell myself everyday for the past eleven years.

All this time, I've been lying to myself for the sake of wanting to be loved back..

Am I that desperate?