8 TRAGEDIES! THE JOURNEY DEEP…

We could not explain what was happening to my aunty, the experience was shocking. How can two sisters just die like that within a week and deposited at the same mortuary? These were two people that I feel I cannot live my life without them, their death, made my whole world came crashing.

How did it even happen?

It happens that I was in my Dad’s room sleeping that fateful Easter day, which was on Sunday, exactly after a week after my mother passed on. I heard my aunt’s voice while I was still sleeping, she was singing, her voice woke me up and I hurriedly join the morning devotion in the parlour. It was about 4: 30 am, while her awe-inspiring voice permeated the whole house. I had no option than to join singing with the host of others who were in the parlour. The last song my Aunty sang interpreted thus, “Lord, you alone could do, you alone could do, if a child cries and call unto his father, he will not be put to shame, and when the cry is heard, heaven will instantly respond, you can do, O Lord you can do.” This song ministered deeply to my soul because to me it was so timely. After she had finished singing the song, she prayed and rounded up the morning devotion. A few minutes after, she started complaining of chest ache. It did not cross my mind that something serious was now happening, I thought, the pain was just normal and it will subside, not knowing that death has come knocking. The pains began increasing and she immediately asked me to get her water, so she could take some pain reliever drug. I rushed to fetch the water from the local clay pot into the cup and made haste back to her. When I got down, I was amazed at her condition within the time, which was not up to thirty seconds. She was already shouting, because of the unbearable pain, but managed to swallow the drugs. She is now screaming uncontrollably, because of the pain. Briefly, after she had taken the drugs, her condition became worse. As the pain persists, uncertainties now became our direction, because we did not know exactly what to do. We suspected an ulcer even without any diagnostic test and they ask me to rush to a nearby medicine store to buy some drug that will reduce the pain. However, before I got down, they were already taking her to the hospital. She could not even take the drug I bought from the medicine store but took a little off-peak milk before she they rush her to the hospital. When we got down to the hospital and she was laid on the hospital bed, right before my eyes, not up to ten minutes after she was brought down to the hospital, she just gasps for air and gave up life. My eyes could not behold it, because it was unbelievable what I saw even until this moment. I am brain dead to explain the reality, which was like a dream. It was as if my Aunty replaced her life for mine and I will explain what I mean by that.

Because of the shock from my mother’s death, I completely lost the appetite to eat and despite I was not eating, I was not hungry at all. My Aunty was always observing me closely and will make sure I eat food, even when I feel like not eating at all. She will leave my family house and go to her house, which is very far from my family house to go prepare some delicious meal and bring it down to me. She would sit with me to ensure that I eat the food. My Aunt’s demise was so painful, but I could not just question God, because all that was happening is as if God has just turned His back against us. Just within a week, two people I love and cherished left me forever.

I was trying to understand what is happening to me, but the more I try to understand, the more I get confused about life. However, I have so many unanswered questions in my mind. Discouragement was an understatement to me at this time because right in of mind, I was bleeding but could not even cry out and nobody understood what was happening to me. It was my late aunty alone who understood and was trying to pull me out of that gloominess that almost ruined me into total despair. If I tell you that I was not disappointed in God at that time, I lie and the truth is not in me, but there is a bigger picture life is trying to show me and I was able to see that picture. I have never thought to start digging deep into things that are beyond the confines of thought grasp, but these experiences provoked me to start writing precisely 1 April 2007 and since then, I have never stopped. Amid the entire happening, life started teaching me to be dependent upon the good force in my heart and that started revealing to me some deep mysteries. The date of my Aunt’s death caught my attention and it became very symbolic to me because her death coincides with an event believed to have brought life to humankind, which contradicts death but a victory from death to life.

As if it was not enough, death still struck… at this moment, I almost concluded that if there God, then, that God is a disappointment, because I felt, He do not even care about my feelings. I never knew that life’s dealings span beyond my feelings and emotions. I was just asking, “Why would God be silent when I need Him to say something? Why would He allow all these evil to befall my family?” I was ignorant of the fact that He, who is higher beyond my thought grasp, cannot have His ways like ours. I was being stupid to have thought God is a disappointment, like the way they have thought and concluded that there is no God. You need to hear me and hear me well, into your life’s essence.

My heart in a state of a dilemma now left me, though I felt a force deep down in my soul, even when I thought that force has turned against my family, but I was wrong, very wrong and blind not to see clearly, what is happening for real. Still, in that state of dilemma, I wish you could feel me now, within this short period of my mother’s death, my aunt’s death, it still happened again. Death still struck my maternal uncle’s wife who left Ajuba to pay us a condolence visit and was returning, had an accident along Agnawka and died instantly. At this moment, I became provoke, though not venting my anger on God any more, but on myself, that I could not just do anything to help. This made me feel death is a beach and I wish I could have it lynched. Within a month, three people whom the family so cherish left not to return and this exposed me to the real world that brought me to the point of encouraging myself. It took me reliance on the force that started speaking into my lifestream to survive this period, instead of breaking down; somehow, I experienced an invisible hand lifting me and became strong even amidst all the chaos. Moreover, it was in the course of this period I made a decision, never to leave chasing a good course, even when the world turns against me.

I was able to write a song that brought me an award in the course of this period, and when I sang the song repeatedly, I could feel my joy restored. In the course of this period, I participated in a talent hunt show organized by Joy FM Opkuto. I did the very song I wrote in the competition and emerged the winner of the competition. This was how I started my music career, as Joy FM now sponsored the recording of my album.

Even your situation cannot stand a chance if you do not give it a stand, amidst sorrows, pains and worries, you will still be victorious, if you do not give up or compromise your assurance….

Until you have come to the point of decision because of the contrary situations and circumstances, nothing changes until you decide to change your mindset and orientation toward life.

During the period of my trials, I discovered the true light and experience in my heart, the showering of endless love.