The Tired Berserker

Ok so, I'm gunna tell ya ah few things. First I've just got here, where is here? I don't remember, I just know that momma told me, ta come to the tower of our family's goddess. Second from what I understand our ancestors, my great great great great great grandmother and her daughter were amongst the first humans ta be blessed by ah Goddess when the Awakening Crystal's in the Gods's Tower's were found, obviously they would be in the towers where else did ya think they'd be are you ah dumbass.

I'm gettin sidetracked, what i mean is that after the races entered the towers, they found that the God's gave us the ability to awaken our status. After ah while of gettin used to the status people started goin inta the dungeons, and my great great great great great grandma was among the first people ta go in. Followin this, from what momma told me after she reached Level 10, the class she chose was berserker.

Ok so, after that she explained that durin those times things were real tough, and great 5 grandma had ta eat the monsters from the dungeon just ta survive, and that her ruthless brutality and rage when she used her skills, drew the attention of the goddess of the dungeon and tower she went into. After that my attention was drawn ta the ball I had in my hands so I forgot ta listen, but from the gist of it great 5 grandma was awesome, and that's how she was blessed by the goddess Lyssa.

Ok so, where was I again??? Ohh yeah! So her daughter was also blessed by Lyssa, but after that the family didn't get blessed, but we still pray ta her cause it's become ah family tradition. Our family has been consumin monsters for generations as well, because it's become ah habit ta save the food we bring with us ta the dungeons.

Most of the family has chosen berserker when gettin our class, from what momma told me it's all about disposition and actions that dictate, what classes will be available to ya when ya get ta Level 10. That means, my actions throughout my life an what I'll do from now on will become classes that will shape my life.

Now fer the third part, momma told me ta come here ta awaken my status, now that I'm here I'm havin ah problem. To awaken one must enter ah god's tower, in my case goddess, but here's the problem, I need an Adventurer's license ta enter, I mean who the fuck decided that! If I ever find them I'M GOING TA KILL THEM!

Ok so, there are two ways I can go about this, one I go ta the guild and register, but then I'd have ta take ah test and that's hard, especially fer me cause I have the attention span of ah cookie... Oooor I could join ah guild and be able ta skip that shit, but that's also ah problem cause I don't know this city.

I just arrived and that means I dunno any of the guilds here. So here i am, lookin at the sky like ah goof. Lyssa Tower is one tall tower. But I'm gettin sidetracked, I make my way inta the guild and over ta one of the receptionist.

Me:"hello~ I'd like ta register as an Adventurer."

Rose:"no, go to someone else."

I'm impatient and there's lines for the rest of the receptionists. So I'm gunna play her game.

Me:"No, I think I'll stay."

Rose:"Huff, can't you just wait in line like everyone else."

Me:"Maybe you could help me find ah guild instead, hmmmm?"

Well suffice ta say, she buckled and is helpin me find the right home.

Rose:"Here, this is a book of all the guilds that are here in Paranoia."

Well, there's ah lot here but I have no idea where ta start.

Me:"Any recommendations~ hmmm?"

Ok so, I don't know what her stare was for but, after ah few seconds she went and talked with one of the receptionists. Now she's back, annoyed and lookin like she could use ah stiff drink.

Rose:"The Devastater's Guild."

Me:"That's it? That's all? Nothin else?"

Rose:"Huff"

Me:"Alright, I got it. Where do I go?"

Ok so, I literally passed it on my way here. I'm not jokin, I'm hittin my head on the wall right in front of this receptionists. She's lookin at me like I'm ah crazy person. Wait, I never asked for her name.

Me:"What is your name?"

Ok, I know that this whole situation is backwards upside down and sittin at 90° degrees. But really can ya blame me, I'm talkin to ah wall of ah woman. If it wasn't for my sudden head bangin, I'd be on my way already.

Rose:"It's rose."

Me:"Wait what?! I've been callin you rose in my mind this entire time! You've been so prickly since I got here! I mean, can you blame me?"

Ok, in hindsight I should have held my tongue, but what could I do? That rose has got thorns. Pfft hahahaha. No, I shouldn' laugh, she was gunna kill me. Really, there was this murderous vibe. So I hightailed it outta there. Now, I'm standin in front of this rundown church that hopefully will be my new home. I shan't wait any longer, so I walk right in and nothin... nothin at all, not one person. I blame the rose. Ok so, I don't know when the guildmaster will be back, so I'm just sittin here waitin, and I've already broken one of the benches. In my defense I was impatient, And I might have sat down by jumpin backwards onto it. My fault.

Ok, so here's a problem, what happens when the owner of the house comes home ta find a girl sprawled out on the floor face down? People freak out over NOTHING! Cause I'm not dead, but they don't know that. Now I'm bein forced ta kneel with my hands above my head, they didn't tell me ta do it but when your future guildmaster finds your dead body, it's quite the shock. It's my fault I have bad sleepin poster, and the fact that when I sleep my heart rate is at 20 BPM. Yes, you didn't miss hear that, I've been sleepin like the dead, and I don't even know why it happens. I think momma told me once, but I don't think I was listenin at all. I wasn' that bad... Right?? Whatever, so now I have ta fix this predicament that I've slept myself into.

Me:"Ummm you're the guildmaster of the Devastater's Guild right?"

Sara:"Yes that's me."

She seems nice, she even puffed out her chest fer no reason.

Me:"Can I join your guild, I need ta become an Adventurer."

Ok, she's really hyper and I love it. She was just jumpin fer joy and everything, she and edgelord boy are lookin really happy. I am too, but they haven't told me ta stop kneelin, so I'm just waitin fer what I should do and it's driving me crazy. When they, I mean my guildmaster and edgeboy finally stopped celebratin, I asked.

Me:"So, what do I have ta do ta join."

Sara:"Show me your status."

Ok so, this is gunna be annoyin...