Be Selfish, No Matter What

Andrew's POV

As I heard Sha Sha was talking about the history behind the lantern festival, my minds wander to somewhere else. The story is a little bit similar to mine, I guess.

But I would never let my lover do something risky like dancing for a few days just for a hopeless wish. It'll be indeed unfair for other human beings if one gets all the blessings without trials. In life, it's all about trials. The rich were tested with money, power, and desire. It's decided by themselves to be greedy or grateful. They may look happy, but who knows deep down they're not like what people see?

Just take me as an example. I have everything in this world that everyone desires, but I can't have one thing that I genuinely want. It's a life. My life is short. I have to accept my fate even though I don't want to. I'm still grateful for at least in my last remaining days or maybe years, I got to know the person I truly love. That's enough, I think. Rather than die pathetically, I choose to die knowing that I've loved by someone.

I was once feeling jealous of poor people. They may be poor, but they have a happy life. Their bond and love are far more significant than most of the richest. This world needs balance. That's why when I heard about the story that Sha Sha told me, it made me realize one thing:

I should cherish what I have right now and live without any regret. I should look at the bright side of this story. Yes, I want Sha Sha to be happy even though I may perish one day, I do hope someone will continue to love her just like I do.

"Andrew..um..where are you taking me?" the question from her makes me focus back on the road before I reply to her.

"Somewhere you'll like it, we almost there." I smiled, and three minutes later, we arrived at our destination. Well, it just the area near the town. I found this place when I was riding my bicycle last time.

I park my car and turn off my car engine. When I look at Sha Sha, she shows me her insecurities face, which almost makes me laughs.

"Hey..what's on your mind? Are you thinking something dirty?" I asked and chuckled a little. Even though I want to bed her so badly, I won't do it inside the car when people can see us or in the back of the alley. Come on, I'm not that low.

I respect her and love her so much that I would not low her dignity to that level. She's not a woman that I want to have fun momentarily. I want her, if possible, to be my wife. Even though I know, it's likely impossible.

I went to my car boot, took out a keg fill up with cat's dry food, and closed it back. I saw Sha Sha tilt her head a little. Maybe she wonders why did I have this cat food inside my car's boot.

"Last week, when I was cycling around here, I saw a bunch of cats here. They look haggard and hungry. Every time I pass by here, I would make sure to make a stop and feed them." I explained it to her before she looks at me with her sparkling eyes.

I know I may sound like a cool person. But, actually, I do it because of what I said back when I met Sha Sha on the beach for the first time. Well, sharing what I have with these little creatures won't hurt my wallet.

"So, you always had cats food inside your trunk?" she asked, and I nodded. I hand her over a small scoop for her to scoop the dry food from the keg.

"Today, I want to introduce you to them," I said and start to put the food on the place that I always give them. At first, they were scared to show up, but when they smell the food, they try to brave up and eat it despite being scared.

"Oh, look!" I turned my head to Sha Sha when I heard she said it with joy. I smile when I saw she petting a big cat, which I think is a Maine Coon breed? Just how did the cat end up in the alley?

"She's beautiful," I said, and I saw Sha Sha's blushed. I meant the cat, but the person who was petting the cat is much more attractive too. I can't stop my feelings from keeping falling for her for too deep.

After I put the food at the spot, I went to Sha Sha and took a picture of her petting those stray cats. Looks like the cats love her too.

"Andrew..do you like cats?" I lift up my face and smile at her. "I do," I reply, but I didn't touch the cats in front of me. It's not because they're dirty, but I'm kinda allergic to their fur. Since I was a baby, my father never allowed me to have a pet. He was very strict with my surrounding environment. But I know he is just doing it for protecting me.

Only when I date my ex-girlfriend back then, I play with her dogs, and that night I was sent to the hospital because of the allergic I had. Well, since then, I never went near the furry little creatures.

But this time, my lover seems to like these animals. So, I want to at least not showing my weakness to her. Even if I had to deal with the allergic later, I think Gonzales has the medicine with him. So, no worries.

"Why don't you raise one? At least you won't be lonely at your apartment. And I too can come and play with your cat." she giggles before I caress on her cheek.

"It's not that I don't want to raise one. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I can't keep it for long." it'll be lonely once I'm gone. I don't want…anyone to cry on that day. Including you too, sweetheart.

As I am still caressing her cheek, she looks at me blankly. I know it may sound weird to her. She shouldn't seek the meaning behind my word. "What about you? Maybe you can ask your father now? It seems like your father is starting to act soft to you, right.." I change the subject and retract back my hand.

I keep my hands inside on my pocket and avoid touching the cats which lingering around us.

"Hm…I don't think my father would agree. But you were right. My father seems a little soft lately."

"Then, isn't it good?" I said, and she tilts her head again. Like she was thinking so hard about it.

"Is it good? You think so?" I giggles and nod my head. "Yeah. Well..he didn't say anything when he knew we were dating. It's good progress. Anyway, he can't restrain you from experiencing all your youth. Your life is still long, and you should cherish each moment of it, okay?"

"But.." she stares the ground before she mumbles something that I didn't catch on. I scrunched my eyebrow before I lean closer to her, "What is it?" I said, and when she lifted up her head, our face just an inch away.

"Did you say something?" I try to keep cool down there. Well, seeing her up close like this isn't healthy for my heart. I could be hospitalized because of this.

"Um..I.." her face was so red. I feel like I want to tease her more.

"You're what?" I asked. Maybe my voice sounds a little husky, and I can even hear her breathing.

"Um..I…I said that I.."

"Mhm?" our eyes met, and I couldn't deny her beautiful eyes, which always attract me to look deep inside it.

"I want to cherish..every moment of my life…with..with you."

I was struck. Struck by Sha Sha's honest word. I'm happy, for God's sake, I'm delighted, but something creeps inside my heart. It's a little pain and throbbing.

The fact that I can't make her wish come true makes me a little sad. I never meant to show her that 'face,' but I guess I was just too careless. My expression right now makes her suddenly avert her eyes, and I sighed inwardly. Maybe she thought that I'm not serious with her.

I can't tell her. I can't say why did I make those faces. I don't have any courage to face the reaction from her if I told her. So, the only way I could make her calm is to …

"Sha Sha.." I held her hand and leaned close to her. I whisper something that would calm her, "I will cherish every moment I have with you. But, you have to promise me one thing."

She turned her body to me, looking at me with a question on her face. "I want you to always think about yourself first. Be selfish and always think about yourself in any decision you make, okay?"

"What? I- I don't understand."

"I just simply want you to be selfish. Be selfish, no matter what. Promise me, please?"

I know it must be odd from her point of view, but then she nods her head. "Okay. I promise you."

"That's my girl." I smile at her.