1 CHAPTER ONE

'Ella where are you?' I heard his smooth voice call out. It flowed like honey out of his mouth and almost made me want to come out, it was the same voice that brought me joy for years and I would've immediately ran to that same voice whenever I heard it a month or two ago but now it was different, now I knew better. The voice that once brought me joy enough for ten lifetimes now brought me fear and dread.

I cuddled my teddy bear close and ironically the voice I was hiding from, the one I so desperately wanted to never hear again in my life belonged to the man who gave me that same bear. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I hid under my parents' bed. I attempted to silence my sobs by clamping my palm hard over my mouth, my flimsy worn out pajamas were now wet with my own pee but it didn't faze me I was much more focused on hiding from...him. It was very dusty under the bed and I had to keep myself from letting out the biggest sneeze of my life.

'Don't let him catch you'

'Mommy and Daddy will be back soon'

'Teddy will keep you safe'

'Don't let him catch you'

These phrases kept repeating in my head over and over like a broken record. I couldn't let him catch me, not after what happened last time. Silence ensued and somehow this was much worse than the constant taunts that he yelled out as he looked for me, at least then I could tell where he was and how close he was to catching me now I was as well off as a gazelle grazing in the tall grass of the savannah...in the dark.

I was sure he wouldn't catch me this time but as the seconds that felt like centuries went by my conviction slowly dwindled. I went into panic mode and decided I had to make a dash for the stairs. I quietly crawled out from my hiding spot with my head down to prevent bumping it on the underside of the bed but as I came out I saw silhouette in my field of vision. I didn't see it before but it was now here. I knew exactly who it was I mean who else could it have been? But my brain was desperate if there was even the slightest chance it wouldn't be him I was taking it.

So, I looked up and in those milliseconds that I did I was praying that it was my father. That by some miracle of manifestation my dad had poofed into existence to protect me but as expected that wasn't the case at all. I came face to face with him. At that moment my will to escape had all but been extinguished. The small candlelight of hope that burned so brightly within me had been blown out so suddenly that it froze me in place.

He stared directly into my soul with his deep brown eyes that seemed so kind, oh how deceiving looks can be.

'GOTCHA!' he exclaimed and reached for me. I was the gazelle, he was the lion and I could do nothing but watch as the jaws of death came to engulf me.

*

I woke up with a start. My white tee was drenched with sweat and my heart was ricocheting off my chest so rapidly that I felt like it was about to burst out and land on my bedroom floor. I couldn't tell if I was screaming but I assumed I wasn't since I hadn't woken anybody up.

Archie, my red teddy bear since I was about 3 lay on the far side of the room, his lifeless black eyes staring up at the ceiling, he was creepy if I was being honest and I probably should've gotten rid of him a long time ago but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Ever since I could remember I brought the damn thing wherever I went and to this day I still do. I looked up at the clock directly overhead my bedroom door. 6:30 the hands read, on any other day that would hold no relevance to me whatsoever but today wasn't just any other day. Today each strike of the hour, minute and second hand made my stomach sink further and further down. The constant 'tik tok' 'tik tok' was driving me to insanity, I almost wanted to take the same clock and bash it against my skull until one of us was dead.

My bags lay packed right in front of my bed neatly stacked on top of each other in preparation for today, they were all ready to go...I wasn't. With the little energy I had left in me I managed to lift my feet up and plant them on the cold floor to head to the adjoining bathroom. Small flickers of daylight were fighting their way into my room, chasing away the darkness.

I hadn't seen the sun rise this early in months, Spring had only just started but it sure knew how to make an appearance. As if on cue our resident song birds started singing their melodic hymns, this combined with the sun making an early appearance made it seem like it was about to be the best day ever, it would be for someone out there and unfortunately that someone was not going to be me.

The hardwood floors creaked under my weight as I entered the bathroom. The sink had long since stopped working and the shower had definitely seen better days. I quickly undressed and braced myself for the frigid water that was about to hit my back. We hadn't gotten hot water in years and you'd think one would get used to the chill but that isn't even close to the truth. It never gets better, that sudden feeling of breathlessness or drowning I get when the cold water hits me is still as bad as it was an year ago, but as far as things went we were considered lucky to even have running water.

I covered myself in my worn out towel that had holes here and there, it also barely covered my hips cause it was entirely too small but I made it work. I walked back out into my room and wore the same outfit that I'd been wearing nearly every single day to school. Usually people would wear something special for today because it was technically a special occasion but I didn't really have anything all that fancy. My dad wanted me to wear one of mom's old dresses but I would take anything over that joke of an article of clothing.

I picked up Archie and stuffed him into one of my duffle bugs before picking up my suit case, in total I had two duffel bags which I strapped across both my shoulders making the straps criss cross over my torso and my giant suit case which contained most of my clothes. The instructions were to bring everything we needed as long as they did not surpass the weight cutoff.

I dragged my suitcase behind me as I walked over to the door, right before I turned the doorknob I paused knowing fully well that once I go past this point there is no going back. I probably wouldn't even get to see my room again so if there was a perfect time to take it all in, in it's rat infested glory that time was now. I took a deep breath before opening it and walking down the hall to the kitchen.

The smell of fried bacon wafted through the house and I almost couldn't believe it. I didn't even know bacon still existed it's been literal years since I've last tasted it. I could hear my dad's slow humming as I approached the room. I had partly expected it to be mom in there cooking because she was by far the best cook in the house but to no one's surprise she wasn't there.

I walked in and lay my bags on the side of the table as I sat down on a chair by the counter waiting for my breakfast. My dad had his back to me, fully concentrating on his task at hand which was trying not to burn the eggs he was cooking. I was surprised he was going through the few eggs that we had, even those are hard to come by these days let alone the bacon.

"Good morning kiddo," he said in his usual cheerful voice, he always seems to be in a good mood even on days when he would probably never see his only daughter ever again apparently.

"Good morning dad," I almost asked him where mom was but we both knew the answer to that question. When he was done he served his masterpiece on a single plate which he slid over to me on the counter.

He had his own plate too but the contents on his plate were significantly less than mine. I felt a twinge of guilt but decided not to make a fuss about it since there was no way I'd win that argument. We ate in silence, both seeming to ignore the giant elephant in the room...well to be exact two giant elephants in fact I bet I could make a whole herd of giant elephants with the amount of elephants in my life right now, yes a clusterfuck of elephants this is what my life has come to.

The bacon had a slight burnt taste to it but it didn't really phase me, they would've been way better if my mom had cooked them but I suppose she wasn't really feeling like herself again, as she always does. She was- well is an incredibly good cook and people would always comment on how she could've been a chef had she gotten a higher ranking. My parents were both 6's and by birth I was as well but the next few days would determine whether I would remain one or not.

Most people stay within their rankings because if your parents are...let's say a 7 you would probably be a 7 too since you get your genetic traits from them so the ranking rarely differs, if it does...well that's not something I would like to think about.

For the past month my mom was especially worse, she wouldn't even come out of her room for days and sometimes she even disappeared completely only to come back a week later with absolutely no acknowledgement to the fact that she dipped for a long time. She is the best person on her good days though. Very vibrant and optimistic then suddenly...seemingly out of nowhere she'd retreat into her dark little bubble.

It used to scare me seeing her like that, with no life at all in her previously vibrant eyes but with time anyone can get used to anything. At this point I couldn't even relish her few good days as I once used to, her being in a good mood simply reminded me that her giant fallout was soon approaching. Like a giant monster in the closet just waiting to come out. Her being happy was nothing a dwindling mercurial high.

"So...about your mom," he said as if reading my mind "I need you to understand that she's going through a lot, she loves you but this whole thing is too much for her and it's taking a toll on her." His piercing emerald green eyes which were probably the only thing we had in common stared directly into mine as he said this as if he'd rehearsed it thousands of times before.

'I'm going through a lot too but she doesn't seem to care' is what I wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut. I knew when it was time to talk and when to keep my thoughts to myself and from the look on my dad's face this time it was the latter plus I didn't want what was probably my last day at home to start with me trashing my mom and arguing with my dad.

"I know we've avoided talking about this before but since it's basically knocking on our door right now..." he trailed off but I knew exactly what he was talking about. The Test, the stupid fucking test.

"It'll be fine do your best and you're naturally beautiful so that won't be too bad" he said nonchalantly filling out the long uncomfortable silence. Do your best????Please...there's nothing to 'do your best' on it's all up to how you were born, basically pure damn luck on which traits you got and if they were good enough. I was waiting for him to say it, to address the fact that we probably won't ever see each other again but he didn't seem like he was going to anytime soon, so I took matters into my own hands.

"Dad if I don't come back I want you..." I trailed off not being able to finish the sentence. I couldn't. I choked on a sob and then the tears came. Actual giant blobs of tears rolled down my cheeks.

I wanted to be strong for my parents especially my mom but with the day actually here it all came crashing down.

"Aella look at me," but I couldn't I looked down at my thighs as the tears kept coming "Come on look at me" I finally raised my head and looked my dad in the eyes as I kept crying. The usual happy look in his eyes was replaced with one of sadness.

"It's all going to be ok I-" I cut him off before he could finish "No it's not!" I suddenly shouted at him. The scream echoing in the house.

"It's not going to be ok and you know that so don't you dare try to say that to make me feel better!" this was the tipping point for me, I broke down completely and bawled. My dad tried to reach out for me but I leaned away and roughly stood up from my chair causing it to topple over. I quickly picked up my bags and clumsily strapped the duffel bags over my shoulders.

His look of surprise quickly became that of hurt. If he was about to say something I do not know because I picked up my backpack which I'd placed on the floor and walked out of the room and towards the front door.

"Ella!" my dad called out but I was already out the door, walking into the welcoming daylight.

Goodbye mom and dad.