As the light fades darkness follows

The world continued to revolve the new beginning of a new day and the light that followed through the windows.

*SLAM* was all Tsunade heard followed by an anxious voice of Shizune "Tsunade-Sama have you seen Kai and Mia I'm supposed to take them to the Academy tod.." she froze as she saw a white-haired man naked in Tsunade's bed from the looks of it was Jiraya but this surprised her again as she never thought they could ever do it with each other. She knew Jiraya loved Tsunade even though he hid it but she never expected her mentor to accept it but then a heavy alcohol stench followed which probably explained why

"Tsunade-sama you've done it again how many times have I told you not to drink too much get yourself in a situation like this. Now, where are the kids I heard people say they went after you and Jiraya-san in the forest followed by a few screa.."

What she wanted to say was again stuck in her throat as a massive lump. She saw Tsunade's right arm covered in Blood halfway up to her elbows.

"Tsunade what have you done? Tell me where are the kids? Please don't tell me what I think you've done. Please don't."

Looking around Tsunade had still not completely recovered from her hangover as she got her upper body up and held her head looking over at Jiraya who seemed to have woken up as well and had a shit eating grin on his face as if saying finally I've accomplished it. But then froze when he saw her arm covered in blood

She looked down at herself realising she was naked and pain all over her body which certainly was not from the sex since Jiraya was ever the rough kind of person. If she was honest she'd say he was half decent at best not that his lower part helped in any way since it barely lasted a single round. Musing over her thoughts she froze as she heard Shizune say what have you done with the kids.

"Blood" was all Tsunade muttered as she saw her from covered in dried blood and finally it hit her. All the memories of last night about the gambling den about her kissing jiraya about Kai coming to get her about Mia chasing them leading to her slapping her than fighting Kai and finally finally finally she killed them her arm going through their chest just like that.

"No no no no no it must be a dream it can't be" Tsunade kept muttering to herself in desperation while frantically wearing clothes rushing out from the window and towards the forest.

Jiraya looked at Shizune with a very serious look as he had only seen that desperate look on Tsunade when Dan and Nawaki died and when she saw blood. He nodded towards her which she nodded back they both Shinshued towards Tsunade's direction.

Reaching the place where they saw Tsunade kneeling down and muttering "No" again and again while her hands trembled to touch the floor. looking down they were both horrified as a large amount of dried blood was scattered next to where Tsunade was kneeling. So much blood it felt like a whole human was dried off his blood. Shizune was even more horrified as she came to a dreadful conclusion

"Tsunade what have you done. Where are the kids? Don't tell me this-this is their.....blood" She barely finished as jiraya widened his eyes in surprise while Tsunade just froze.

Jiraya knew Tsunade was many things, a gambling addict, an alcohol addict and stubborn headed always running away from responsibilities. But never a child killer sure she hated the kids as they were conceived through rape but he would never imagine her killing them after all her own blood ran through them even if he hated the kids as well.

"There must be some kind of mistake Shizune you know Tsunade is many things but never a child killer. Don't just jump to conclusions" Jiraya tried to diffuse the situation the best way he could but only froze and stared at Tsunade as she said the following words

"I killed them Shizune. I.....I killed my own kids. Two innocent kids killed by their own mother. It's all my fault I remember it all I drove my own hand through their chest and obliterated their hearts. What have I done? I'm the true devil, not them they were never at fault" tears and snot were Jiraya and Shizune saw as the women and the great Tsunade they once new died in front of them and only a husk of a person whose guilt was so massive even gods could not forgive.

Jiraya simple stood there while Shizune slowly with her own tears when close to Tsunade and embraced her. There was nothing jiraya could do as he was partly to blame as well no not partly he was fully to blame if he didn't make moves on Tsunade yesterday when he knew she'd be at its weakest drinking and most likely to accept spending a night with her this would never have happened. So he simply turned around and left his heart filled with pain and regret. He caused two innocent lives to be destroyed just like that.

For what seemed like hours Shizune held Tsunade while she cried and cried until blood started seeping out from her eyes and her body felt very weak.

"I'm the worst mother Shizune. I knew they were born of me being raped but they were never at fault. No one asked their permission to be born to me. Just two pure innocent souls trying to get their mother happy. Oh God! I can see their faces Shizune. Little Mai calling me "Mama" for the first time always trying to cheer me up"

"Kai was smart Shizune too smart for his age. He knew I hated them both but he still did his best to be a good child a lovely child and this is how I repaid them time and time again. I KILLED MY OWN KIDS" hugging Shizune tightly as she caressed her blond hairs.

" I can still hear Kai's voice you like Shizune. Home beginning me to stop to come back to heal Mia but I just ran away from them. I heard his screams "Mother stop please stop" but I still never looked back. It hurts Shizune it hurts so bad. My heart feels empty like something was taken away and no matter what I do it would never mend. A scar for life. I guess I deserve it huh Shizune. It's fine you can hate me scream at me punch me. I know you loved those kids. You never showed but you truly cared for both of them. Say something Shizune, please." Her voice became strained at the end and her throat became dry.

Running her hands through her long blond hairs Shizune said "Tsunade-sama you've been my mentor since a young age. You cared for me and taught me amazing things that I could never accomplish if I was by myself. Perhaps it's because of uncle Dan but I know you truly cared for me and me for you."

"I'm very angry at you right now and possibly a feel a little hate towards you but I won't do anything because I'm sure Mia would not blame you. You know Tsunade-sama Mia truly did love you as a daughter would to her mother. She always worried about your health. Kai was a very smart kid, yes and even when you hit him on occasions he never held a grudge against you and told Mia you had were only stressed out and still loved them"

"They were lovely kids Tsunade-sama and they both looked up to you as a ninja and mother when you didn't drink. But now I really don't know. No matter what I say or how much I comfort you the pain would never go away. This pain will be worse than Uncle Dans and Nawakis death. You killed your own blood and no amount of comfort in the world can make you feel at ease. The only thing you can do is live on. Live with that guilt for the rest of your life and perhaps one day you'll be able to forgive yourself Tsunade-sama"

Every word Shizune said was from the bottom of her heart and smashed deep inside Tsunade's very soul. She knew what she said was right the guilt and pain would never go away. What she had done was the biggest sin a person could commit. Shizune was right she had to live with this pain. she couldn't die like that would be a painless death and running away from the responsibilities. No, she needed to feel all the pain and embrace it. Learn to live with it

"You're right Shizune perhaps that is my fate as a child killer. Don't tell anyone about this Shizune my deepest darkest mistake. Let me be the only one to remember it and feel the pain. Please" she struggled to say the last words eyes filled with desperation looking into Shizune's eyes.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama I promise." was all Shizune said as the sun started to set and the world started to get dark with it rose monsters that thrived on darkness.

Far away in the darkness he was watching it all. The red eyes with tome inside spinning and slowly changing as three stretched triangles evenly spaced around the pupil that each curve at the top around the eye to form a circle, making it similar to a pinwheean emerged and the world distorted around him slowly into a hole where he vanished.