4 Revenge is a dish best stolen

John struggled to maneuver his boat to the water, thankfully he hadn't been too far away. Sliding it into the river he climbed into it as Crackers perched on top of the short mast.

The village was a little surprised by the addition of a new type of vessel on the river. Just under 9 ft (~3m) long central hull, outriggers on either side and short mast with a small crab claw sail. It was an odd looking boat and soon it was the talk of the town.

John was having the time of his life sailing up and down the river. He had learned to sail as a child with his dad, but it still took a little to get used to his new boat. It was convenient that the wind blew upstream so he could sail that way and float downriver to return to the village.

Alfy sat on on the edge of a pier dangling his legs in the cool water watching his friend scare off all the fish with his wild sailing. He had to admit, that looked fun. Maybe he should try to build one too, at least a better looking one.

The fishermen's angry glares put an end to John's joy riding, and he tied his boat to the pier again. With this new ship he had a new sense of freedom.

"Hmm, maybe it's time to get my revenge on that spoiled rich kid upstream. I bet he wouldn't see that coming." John snickered evilly. Time to gather some information, after all, knowledge is power.

The village people were friendly and easy to talk to, and everyone asked about his new boat. John dutifully spouted put some nonsensical story of how he was inspired, and that it was only a prototype.

By dinner time, John had gleaned some useful info on the town upstream and his immature arch nemesis. That brat had not been boasting falsely, his dad was indeed the head of the town guard. His weakness was also revealed.

"Freshly caught rainbow trout for lunch every Sunday, eh? Limited supply all bought by his rich family?" John made his plans and consulted with Crackers for the necessary details before taking a nap. Tonight he would act.

...

The sun had yet to rise as a young fisherman paddled back to town after a fruitful night of fishing. The crown of his catch, a beautiful rainbow trout with vibrant coloring. The young master will be so pleased!

Tying his canoe to the pier while whistling he didn't notice the shadow creeping up behind him.

"Thwack!" A sudden blow to the head knocked him out cold.

"Ouch, that sounded painful. Sorry old bean, but you'll have to put up with tomorrow's migraine." John squatted down and explained to the poor guy. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be taking these fish."

John tied up the fisherman and hid him in a nearby barrel, someone would rescue him later on for sure. Catching a glimpse of his victims face he suddenly paused.

"Well well well, if it isn't henchman #4. How the tables have turned, that club of your would probably have hurt more than what I've done" John immediately felt a lot better about the whole thing.

Taking the bucket that contained the rainbow trout along with a few smaller more common fish, John walked confidently into town. His disguise had made him unrecognizable, a necessary condition to succeed.

...

Later that morning, as the crowds gathered for the local fish market, a voice could be heard yelling out.

"Freshly caught fish! Fresh fish! Come get yourself a fish a limited time only discount! A special price for those buying two or more!

The other fishermen looked over at their newest competition. It was a young man with bushy blond hair and a messy beard, an abnormally large nose dominated his face and drawing people's attention away from his shifty eyes. Above his rickety stand a hand painted banner advertising the special offer.

It was John, his current looks were thanks to a disguise purchased from the system using the rest of his loot points. His outfit, a mismatched mess of stolen clothing. A fat grey pigeon was perched on his shoulder cooing enthusiastically.

"Get your family a fresh fish for lunch! Rich in essential nutrients and omega 3!" John sold off 10 fishes in the first half an hour. These fish were all ones he had liberated from various unlucky fishermen a few hours prior. John had successfully nabbed over 16 more fish without getting caught in addition to what he stole from the henchman earlier.

"Come and see! The elusive and beautiful rainbow trout! Have you ever seen a more noble looking fish?!" The rainbow trout was truly a beauty, John had to admit, far more colorful than any back in his old life on earth. This fish did in fact live up to its name, sporting a colorful stripe in every color of the rainbow. It's scales glowed with a pearly sheen, attracting numerous "Oooh"s and "Ah"s.

Suddenly the crowds parted revealing a richly dressed young man followed by a bodyguard and a butler.

"That's my fish!" The brat pointed to the trout. "I demand you to sell it to me!" Turning to his butler, he signaled for him to handle the transaction.

"Ah! What an excellent eye for quality goods! Listen you people, you should learn from this young master and chose my fish!" John immediately started leveraging the situation to his advantage. "My good man," John addressed the butler who had approached his stand, "When I caught this fish this morning, I immediately thought the young master's exquisite taste. This fish has been reserved for him."

Nodding, the butler was pleased with this fisherman. "You have a good head young man, now please, how much will it be?"

Remembering the novels he read, John raised one finger. This was a common trick protagonists used to gauge what standard market prices were.

"10 silver!!! That's too much even for this fish." The butler frowned. "I'd pay 2 silver maximum."

"Ah, but this isn't your average fish either, look at its healthy gills and fins. This fish was obviously a prince among it's kind." John raised the value of his fish, "however, in that same line of thought. How fitting it is for this princely fish to be eaten by a prince among men! I'll be homered to sell you this fish at the discounted price of 4 silver."

Bootlicking was key to greatness, he had read about it many a time. Every power's number 2: a pro bootlicker. Every number 1, also a pro when facing a bigger fist.

"Deal!" The rich kid yelled out with pride, causing the butler's eye to spasm, "It is as you say, this fish was fated to be eaten by me."

The butler made a sad face and completed the transaction. "Young master, could you please grow up and stop being played so easily." His inner voice complained silently. John's lopsided grin and crescent moon eyes made him pause for a second. He sighed and nodded to the fisherman, well played.

John's facial expression, scarily similar to a certain troll related meme, was due what Crackers was reporting quietly in his ear.

"coo, loot points increased by 4 silver"

Selling stolen goods was the best. First he got 2 silver loot points when he stole the fish, now another 4 for selling it. 6 silver for one fish! Also now he has some real cash to spend.

"Thank you for your patronage!" John called out as the wealthy group left the scene. The other customers flocked to his booth immediately.

"Do you have any other special fish this morning sir?" An attractive brunette asked. She seemed slightly better dressed than the surrounding customers so John figured he could up the price a little.

Reaching back to his bucket of preselected fish, he picked out the second best one. Leaning forward so that less people would hear, John showed her the fish.

"This here is indeed a special fish." John held it out gently for her to inspect. "You see that mark near it's mouth, don't you think it resembles a beauty mark of a noble woman?"

The girl subconsciously touched the tiny mole on her upper lip before nodding. 'Beauty mark, what an excellent description' she thought silently.

"Ah, but that's not all, see here no discoloration, and it has clear eyes." John continued. "Here, poke its flesh, you'll find it both firm and healthy."

The girl nodded along, she had bought fish before and recognized some of what he pointed out. "How much?" She asked cautiously.

"Got her!" John thought before quoting a price twice the market standard. "However! You give me a good impression and I don't need to make much of a profit anymore after the last sale. For a beauty like yourself I'd happily lower the price to a mere 9 copper."

The price was still 2 coppers more than average but the girl happily agreed.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you my lady," John did a simple bow as he wrapped the fish up in glossy paper (another system purchase). His paper was a step more lux than what the other fishermen provided.

John quickly sold out, netting himself a tidy profit. "Time to scram before anyone finds the knocked out henchman" John knew it was time to go, this operation could be considered a success.

Bidding his fellow fishermen farewell, John sailed away on his little boat. Soon he was cruising down the river at a comfortable speed.

"How's we do Crackers? Not bad right? I could have been given a merchant system, or fishing system."

"Coo, your loot points have increased

-stealing fish +108 copper

-selling stolen fish +152 copper

-stealing rainbow trout +2 silver

-selling rainbow trout +4 silver

Your new total is 11 silver, coo!"

"11 silver, wow!" John nodded excitedly, doing the math over in his head he noticed a problem. "Wait, what?! Cracker explain those faulty numbers!!!"

"Congratulations for unlocking the bonus stage between levels. Copper will be phased out the next time to upgrade the system so your copper loot points have been exchanged for silver."

"I get that part! The coppers made me feel like pinching pennies anyway." John whined, "What kind of lousy exchange rate did you use?"

"Coo! 50 copper to one silver! The extra went towards your pension."

"What pension?! That's ridiculous!" John groaned. "Oh well, at least that rich kid will feel the sweet sting of revenge."

...

That night, as all the townsmen lay dreaming, an unfortunate young man was stuck in his privy. Something he ate gave him such an upset stomach that he couldn't even leave the toilet for more than 10 minutes.

As he sat on his throne, a face suddenly came to mind. It was the grinning face of the fisherman who sold him that trout. There was something familiar about that face, but how could that be?

...

"Tell me again Crackers! Whose genius idea was it to lace that fancy fish with laxatives?"

"Coo... that was you John."

"Indeed! What a sweet victory, poisoning my enemy and being paid for it!"

...

Back in town, a young fisherman with a throbbing headache stumbled into his boss's estate carrying a sealed envelope. His story quickly spread and soon the town guard were mobilized to search the town for the criminal.

The butler of the house frowned at what was written on the envelope.

"To the entitled spoiled brat who lost a golden fish"

Not many knew about that incident, but the butler was one of them. Although it was addressed to the young master, he went ahead and opened it. The content made him slam the table in rage.

"I stole your golden fish and released it

I robbed your rainbow fish and sold it,

I poisoned your lunch and you ate it,

Now enjoy your time on the shitter!"

A small arrow indicated there was more on the back, turning it over he saw an intricate drawing of a face. It's grin was lopsided and the eyes were crescent moons. There was something unexplainably infuriating about its cocky expression. Below, in bold letters two words were the final straw causing the butler to cough blood.

"U MAD?"