2 The Swan in a Puddle of Tears

"Amy! Why are you covered with mud!" I don't know if she's asking me or she's just saying a plain statement. However, after she uttered these words, she came into me quickly. As she wiped my face with her delicate hands, she releases a laugh- the same laugh made by the red queen in Alice in Wonderland.

"What have you done with yourself?" she asked as she continues laughing and giggling.

"Mum! Wait! I have something for you." I took her in our garden and showed the product of my artistic mind.

"Wow! Did you build this castle?" she asks as she approaches and scrutinizes my two-feet-tall mud castle (a replica of the white queen's castle in a wrecked condition). She looked at me again and a smile painted in her face.

"I am sure that you will become a great architect in the future. Come here! Let us fix some parts of your castle" as she grabbed a ball of mud. I was so surprised when she did that because most of the time (as how I observe her) Mum hates dirt so much. One time when our dog came into our house and leaving mud-footprints on the carpet, Mum became so angry that she talk endless, roughly about two hours straight. She voiced out her rants with regard to her efforts in cleaning our house meticulously- from sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, polishing and all verbs associated with cleaning. All of these were clearly stated and explained in front of our dog, Max (by the way, he is a pug). Yes! you heard it right! She explained all her efforts to our dog who did nothing but to show its tongue and barking after my Mum finishes a sentence. But now, her newly manicured fingernails managed to hold mud. This is something! Really something. And this "something" made me happy at that time and that morning, we played together joyfully.

I only found out from those moments that Mum has an artistic side (although she was a great actress in front of Dad whenever she persuades him to buy another pair of shoes or a nice dress). I'm not a mathematician but I do know that those shapes she molded were perfectly crafted. The details of the walls and the magnificent towers were amazingly furnished. We didn't notice how fast time passes by when she heard my stomach murmuring. "Alright, little princess! I heard the growls of your stomach. I'll just prepare our lunch and wait for my call, okay?" she asked as she removes the dirt from her hands.

"Okay, Mum!" I responded with a great big smile on my face.

After a few minutes, I heard her voice calling me. "Amy! Amy! Come inside now! Lunch is ready!"

The smell of fried chicken hugged my nose which made me rushed and went inside the house. However, as I passed by inside our living room, a lot of people are already present inside. Moreover, the atmosphere is not that nice. The nice smell of my favorite food was shifted into the fragrant smell of various flowers. My aunties and uncles with my nephews are also in there.

"I'm sorry Amy," says uncle Gab.

"For what?" I asked.

I saw a huge white box surrounded by fresh and so fragrant flowers (that is where the gloom smell came from). I went near the box and I saw my mother lying beautifully inside of it. She was dressed so nice and appeared like a fairy godmother.

Tears began to run down into my face and I ran away from the box. Suddenly, I stumbled and my head hit the wall. As I open my eyes, I saw my beautiful swan in the center of my own galaxy. I turned my gaze on the window and the sun is already rising. I turned my phone on to check the time. "Oh! It's already 7:30 A.M." I get up and went in front of the mirror. As I gaze myself in the mirror, tears began to run down on my face.

I don't like this feeling!

To regain my calmness, I went to the bathroom, took a shower and fix myself. After doing my morning rituals, I checked my phone and a message from Ana appeared on my screen.

"Hey, Amy! I'm on my way. See you at the park :-). "

"Okay. See you." I replied.

I grabbed my things, went outside my apartment and took a bus.

As I stared at the beautiful plain in our place, I remembered my dream- a sweet nightmare. My feelings are being played by a strong gust of a whirlwind within me. The bus made a stop. In front of me, I saw a woman holding the hand of her child going to a fast-food chain. Because of the glass wall of the establishment, I saw them had their seat in one corner. The child noticed me and made a wave towards me. I replied with a smile as our bus started to go on its way.

After a few minutes, our bus passes through a tunnel causing my window to become a seeming mirror. With this effect, I saw my reflection. I am crying! Tears are running down again.

"What's wrong with me?"

Perhaps, I am jealous! I am jealous of what I saw a while ago- the scene of the mother and her child. The spot where they chose to settle in that fast-food chain is the place where I and my Mum where used to have our seat. From there, we shared a lot of memories and most of them are the moments where we used to celebrate my achievements. From there, I also confessed to her my very first crush. From that place happened my very first Valentine treat to her. It is still vivid in my mind when I gave her my "cheap" flower of rose and gave her my saved money to buy some food for us. I admired her so much for those times because she managed not to cry and conceal her falling tears.

Ahhh... These memories are now flooding and roughly drowning me. My chest hurts because of too much effort I am exerting in terms of controlling my emotions. I don't want to make a scene inside this bus filled with strangers. Gladly, I didn't faint.

Ahhh... Memories, memories, memories. Some are the sweetest victories while others are the terrifying tragedies. I can't do anything about them but to endure them.

"All is well Amy! Someday, you will achieve your desired happiness and you will regain your self again: a worth-loving self."