1 the sun will never shine again

Jungkook is used to winning. He's so used to winning that he forgets what it's like to lose. Losing a game, losing his phone, losing a loved one; Jungkook has forgotten what loss feels like. It's an unfathomable concept, something so foreign and weird, like going to a different country for the first time or trying something new in a restaurant. Jungkook just can't comprehend the full meaning of loss and the empty, hollow, aching void that it brings.

He was beautiful. Was? He still is. A beauty so radiant and surreal, Jungkook believed that Park Jimin was the personification of hot chocolate and warm marshmallows, of cuddling by the fire on a cold day, of squinty eyed grins and whispered jokes, of giggles, soft and bubbly, of laughter, like audible sunshine.

Jungkook falls to his knees in the dirt, his crisp black pants digging into the soft earth beneath him. Hollowly, he stares at the ground, not wanting to look up and face reality, cruel and unforgiving, both sharp and blunt, both selfish and giving.

It was perfection. They were perfection. A soft, gentle breeze of slow, lazy kisses, lips moving, hands caressing, eyelashes fluttering, tickling flushed cheeks. A warm gust of shared laughter, secret smiles, playful nudges, intertwining fingers. A whirlwind of of harsh kisses pressed onto heated skin, racing heartbeats, lustful eyes, trailing fingers, trailing lips.

The bouquet of flowers fall from Jungkook's shaking hands, his vision becomes blurry and tears fall, heavy and salty, from his eyes, leaving dark marks in the dirt. It's raining, Jungkook thinks. It's raining because my sunshine has left me.

Jimin loved flowers. His fascination with them pushed Jungkook to find out what Jimin's favourite flower was but when asked, Jimin would only reply with a shrug and, "I don't know, I just like all of them." Why, Jungkook would pester, why do you like them so much? Jimin would giggle, Jungkook's most favourite sound in the world, like a bubbling stream, and press his lips to Jungkook's.

The rain doesn't stop, the clouds don't dissipate and the sun doesn't bless the earth with its comforting warmth, its soothing glow. Jungkook doubts that it'll ever be sunny again.

It was a chilly winter night, on the rooftop of their apartment buliding when Jungkook got down on one knee, his fingers trembling and fumbling with the velvet box as he promised an eternity together. Jimin nodded earnestly, one hand covering his mouth to prevent himself from crying out loud in happiness, the other in Jungkook's hands. Glimmering in the city lights, the silver band sat on the ring finger of his left hand as their lips met in perfect harmony, Jimin whispering "Yes, yes i will, yes, of course," between breaths, etching the promise of forever on their lips.

Jungkook lies down in the dirt and curls up into a fetal position. They were supposed to have forever. They were supposed to have an eternity.

A car crash. A rushed trip to the hospital, a flurry of frantic shouts and screams. Hours spent in the waiting room of the ER, hands clasped together, whispered prayers escaping his lips every few seconds."Please let my sunshine be okay, please."

Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut, his shaking arms hugging his knees to his chest. He forgets how to breathe and struggles to inhale amidst violent sobs that threaten to rip his empty, hollow body apart. Then again, maybe it's better. Maybe he should allow himself to be ripped apart. His promise of eternity would be fulfilled.

Jungkook is left in the waiting room, remembering the whispered conversation that they had among the sheets the night before, his head on Jimin's warm chest, rising and falling with every breath that he took, Jimin's fingers slowly stroking Jungkook's naked arm. "You'll finally be mine tomorrow," Jimin had said, pressing a kiss onto Jungkook's head. Am I not already, Jungkook remembers thinking, choosing to display his answer in the form of a kiss so sweet and slow that Jimin moans in pleasure, hands gripping Jungkook's waist tightly against his body.

He's drowning. He's drowning in an ocean of tears, a sea of salty emptiness, a cold void, a black hole. No more warm touches, no more subtle smirks, no more wondering where all his clothes have gone because Jimin likes to wear them. Likes? Or liked? Jungkook doesn't know anymore.

Jungkook doesn't know how the world can continue, how everything seems to proceed in its usual tandem, how everything doesn't just stop and shatter into tiny fragments of what it once was. It's cruel, too fucking cruel, Jungkook thinks, that fate has brought them together and that same fate has separated them forever, on the day of their union no less.

Jungkook wants to sleep. He just wants to go back to sleep and wake up in Jimin's arms again, where the sun is shining again, where he can see Jimin's beautiful smile, the one where his eyes are reduced to nothing more than horizontal lines on his face, the one reserved especially for him. He wants to sleep and never wake up because what's the point? The sun will never shine again.