6 Angela Blames Herself

It was an ordinary day at school but since the school fest is already coming every department was busily preparing for the fest. There will be a lot of events and contests upcoming which every student was excited about. Everyone on the campus was looking forward to it.

The professors are also busy evaluating the students' grades so they can also enjoy the upcoming fest. Our department plans are to have a couple of booths and contests. We are also so busy with the fest.

"Angela, how's the tarpaulin?" Sky asked.

"Almost done!" I answered.

Our department was creative and innovative. Most of our materials are handmade and I am proud of our works. I love calligraphy and drawing so, I was assigned for the tarpaulin and any things related to writings and drawings.

Some students assigned to do the booths create a lot of mess. Actually, they also occupied a lot of space.

"Angela we'll go for lunch wanna come?" Peter asked.

"I'm fine thanks," I answered.

"Okay, suit yourself," he said and went outside with our other classmates.

I was left alone in the room with a mess.

"Finally!" I was excited alone as I finished my work.

"Shall I clean? Or not? Okay, I'll tidy it up," It is just me talking to myself.

I decided to clean up a little bit since the room is in a mess and so when they come back they can do their work freely and widely.

"You did it, girl!" I complimented myself and put on a smirk.

The room is clean and fine. I picked up my work and went outside to hang the tarps along with the others. Seems that the Medicine Department also finished their tarps I can see Britanny from afar.

"Beautiful! I wish I am an artist like you," Britanny said. She is from the Medicine Department.

"Well thank you but I also wish I can be as pretty as you," I replied.

"Nah, you're pretty as you are," she replied and we both laugh.

All of a sudden some students were running and rushing to the main gate. It seems like something serious happened. So, Britanny and I went there too. There was an ambulance and we saw a student with a lot of blood coming from his head and unconscious on a stretcher. The whole campus was shocked.

"What happened?" Britanny asked one of the students.

"They said that he was cut by a saw," the student said.

"S-Saw?!" both Britanny and I said.

"I was talking to my friend from the Office Administration Department and I saw it! The saw fell to his head. I pity him," the other student said.

Britanny looked at me and I also looked at her. I hurriedly went to our department to know what really happened.

There was blood a lot of blood. My classmates were shocked. Some of them are crying, silent, and blank out. Honestly, I think I was out of my mind I didn't realize that I was walking on Peter's blood until Joshua pulled my hand and talked.

"Angela! Are you okay?" he asked me.

"Are you crying?" he added.

"I-I-It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault," I mumbled alone.

"W-What? Angela, what are you talking about? Tell me," Joshua said while holding both of my shoulders.

"I-I did it. It was my fault. It is me why Peter went like that," I said while crying.

"What do you mean? I can't understand," he said.

"What's hard to understand! I told you, I did it! It was me!" I shouted and all of the students and teachers are looking at me and Joshua.

I cannot control my emotions. My mind keeps on circling and I can't think of anything except one thing, "If I didn't clean the room and leave everything the way they are and didn't put the saw at that damn shelve Peter won't be harmed and Peter would be fine."

I feel like all of them will be mad at me because of what I did so, I hurriedly went outside and run away. I heard Kylie's voice that was desperate calling my name expecting to look back but I didn't. I can also hear Joshua yelling and following me as I ran. I went to the lady's room so that I can be alone and Joshua won't follow me. I locked the door and went to the sink.

I can still hear Joshua's voice from the outside and the banging of the door that he makes. I can also hear Kylie and Miss Santos's voices but still, I want to be alone. I stared at the bathroom's mirror. I stared at my face crying, feeling guilty, mad... I don't know I think these mixed emotions really got into my nerves and I just punch the mirror which surprisingly shattered on the floor and in the sink immediately.

I think they heard that the mirror broke so Joshua still trying to open the door while Kylie and Miss Santos still calling out my name. I picked up a piece of broken mirror and enter the last cubicle of the bathroom. In that shabby cubicle where all I can see is a white door and wall, my mind is really unstable. I didn't even notice that my hand was bleeding. All I can think of right now is that—I am the reason why Peter is in the hospital. If I didn't do anything everything will be fine. If I just stay put no one will be harmed. But no, I insisted and do all of it, and now this is what happened.

Do you know the feeling like there is someone controlling you? I know because of what happened next. Alone in that shabby cubicle with no one who can stop me I didn't realize that my hand holding a broken mirror piece started to point to my other hand and blood begin to splatter to my face and body. It just happened so suddenly until I realized that I was already sitting on the floor next to the toilet.

I keep thinking that maybe this will be the last time but also the first time. The last time that I'll try to kill myself was because I think bad things happen because of me and the first time that I'll succeed in killing myself. Although I cannot feel any pain I feel that the blood flows from my wrist and hand. Do you know what's funny?—It's just the bathroom's door keeps on banging and the people outside keep on shouting without knowing that I already messed up again.

They'll just be shocked again to see tons of blood. But I'll admit I am fine with it. If this is the end I'll be happy. I'll be happy because now I am free. No more nightmares. No more insomnia. No more regrets or blaming. It is just me being contented.

While waiting for the moment that I've been waiting for I keep on thinking about the things that happened to me. Starting from my mom, the way I met the annoying guy who tried to save me and the one I did to Peter reminds me that—there are things that may happen unknowingly so, you better be ready at any moment.

Just by thinking about it makes me smile when abruptly I heard the door dropped on the floor—seems that finally, Joshua succeeded in opening it and screams—probably from the people who entered just know and saw my blood. I suddenly feel weak and right before they open the cubicle's door I am sure that it is my time—all of my surroundings went black.