2 Baby's Crying

I hate the sound of my child's whine. Even more when she screams. It makes me angry, with a fear I might hurt her. When it persists I give her to her father and walk away. Thinking of all the horrible things I'd like to do to myself.

I've had the thoughts to do it to her. Right now as she cries from the backseat. I slowly wish the truck will crash. I want my husband to swerve and go off the road.

No I don't hate her. I love her when she's happy and smiley. It warms my heart with so much joy. But that crying, oh fuck that crying. The whines make my teeth grind and my head get manic anger. Like I want to turn suicidal and homicidal.

Then she stops.

Like nothing ever happened.

Sweet Bliss.

Smiles.

We're okay.