5 Chapter 4

I'm on my way to school the morning after I broke up with Mike only to see him walking towards me. I stare at him and see he has a pained and sad expression on his face, I take a deep breath and decide to talk to him. Hopefully Heidi talked some sense into him but even if she did I won't take him back.

"Hey..." I greet him as I approach him.

"Hey, look I'm sorry about what happened. Heidi gave me a earful about it yesterday. I really didn't think me being gone would affect you guys so much." He says sadly and hangs his head.

"Really? We care about you Mike so of course we would worry about you! Especially me considering we just barely got together. I really wanted to give you a chance and get to know you but you hurt me by willingly leaving and staying gone for so long without even trying to contact anyone. I'm sorry but I won't take you back." I tell him in a sad and hurt tone and walk past him.

"Krystal wait..." he starts and gently grabs my wrist "Please give me another chance. I've wanted nothing more than to be with you and show you how much I care and how much I love you." He says softly and sincerely.

"If that was true then you wouldn't of willingly left and stayed away from me, not to mention you didn't tell anyone anything about where you were going. That's being cold hearted Mike, especially to me. You say you love me but you sure as hell don't show it." I tell him angrily as I snatch my arm away and keep walking.

He doesn't follow me and doesn't say a word, when I look back he's just standing there with his head lowered. I groan and shake my head as I keep walking ahead to school, I just hope time will heal my wounds and I can try to be happy after all this.

I get to school and sit at the table again and soon Katrina shows up. She sees my expression and looks like she's extremely mad about it.

"Ok. What happened?" She asks firmly and drops her stuff on the table then sits down and looks at me with concern and frustration. "I know something bad happened so spill it."

"I broke up with Mike." I tell her sadly and painfully, she looks at me with wide eyes and shock evident on her face. "He finally came back and admitted he left and stayed gone on purpose. He said he just went to be with some friends."

"What a asshole. You don't need him Krystal so don't worry. I know you'll find someone ten times better that won't leave you hanging like that. Want me to beat him up for you?"

"No that won't be necessary. I just can't believe he did that..." I trail off as the bell rings. "See you at lunch."

"Ok. Cya."

I go about my classes and go to lunch, I have fun playing card games and talking and forget my troubles until classes start again. When school is finally out I make my way home only to see Mike is talking to Heidi again and they both look to be in a deep conversation. I take a deep breath and walk up to them, they stop and look at me with dead serious expressions on their faces.

"Krystal, we've been talking and...I think you should give him another chance." Heidi says seriously and sincerely.

"Heidi you know why I won't. Just think about it, he already hurt me badly once. I can't handle the pain and heartache, even if he didn't intend to hurt me he still did. Just think about the pain he'd cause if we were in a deep relationship and he did that again. He was being inconsiderate and plus you heard what his family said; he does that a lot. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone like that." I tell them with sadness and sincerity and lower my head.

"I really didn't mean to hurt you Krystal and I really didn't mean to fuck up our relationship." Mike says in a sad and frustrated tone.

"But you did, it's common sense Mike. You begged me for a chance and I gave you one only for you to willingly leave?! That's cruel and frankly very stupid." I tell him bluntly making them both look at me in shock.

"She's right. I fucked up and now I have to pay the price. I hope you know my feelings for you haven't changed and I doubt they ever will Krystal. I love you and I wanted to show you that I love you."

"Krystal, you know a kiss speaks volumes. If you're meant to be with someone you'll feel a connection with them when you kiss them. Why not kiss him and see if you feel that connection?" She says with a grin making Mike smile the biggest smile ever while my face flushes white.

"I-I-I don't know Heidi. I've only ever kissed one other guy before..." I stutter and blush at the thought of kissing someone again.

"Oh come on. It's just a kiss." Heidi says almost teasingly.

"Yeah, it's not like I'm asking to make out with you or have sex with you, though I wouldn't mind doing either one honestly..." Mike says with a big smile making my eyes grow wide and making me blush a deep red.

"Relax Krystal! Geez I've never seen you so red!" Heidi teases then starts laughing hysterically.

I turn around and step away, I take deep breaths and try my best to calm myself. They just want a kiss, just to see how I feel. I can do that right?

Once I've calmed and composed myself I turn around only to be met with Mike right behind me, he's mere inches away and has a happy yet focused and determined expression on his face. He gently grabs me, pulls me to him, wraps his arms around me and kisses me passionately.

My eyes grow wide and I hear Heidi giggling off to the side. I try to focus on the experience and see if I feel anything for him...but I don't. I feel nothing but the kiss and his body pressed against mine. I know he's kissing me passionately and enjoying the experience but I'm not, I feel nothing for him. I pull away from the kiss and look at his face, he looks like he's in seventh heaven and he undoubtedly is but I'm not.

"Well?" Heidi asks, still smiling and clearly amused by the situation.

"I'm sorry but I didn't feel anything romantic, I didn't feel a connection." I tell them both sadly and apologetically, they both look hurt and disappointed and I can't help but feel bad. "I'm sorry." I whisper and back away.

"You don't have to go and you don't have to feel bad. At least now we know it wasn't meant to be." Heidi says reassuringly and walks over to me.

"But, Mike....he looks so hurt and I feel so bad." I tell her weakly.

"I am because to me that kiss was amazing and I want to kiss you again." Mike admits and moves closer to me. "But I can tell you don't want that so I won't." He says softly and touches my face gently. "To think I royally fucked up the one chance I had to be happy with someone I love so much just to be with some friends of mine that I haven't seen in a long time." He tells me in a sad and hurt tone as he looks into my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

"No, I'm sorry. I hurt you and I'm the one that fucked everything up. If I hadn't of left we'd be together and I know we'd be happy, I'd be able to hold you and kiss you and I'd be doing my best to make you happy."

"I know...I'm just afraid of being hurt again. I don't want to be hurt again. I go through enough as it is." I tell him sadly and nervously. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to keep apologizing. You did nothing wrong." Heidi says softly and reassuringly.

"Yes I did. I hurt him and I didn't mean too."

"I'll be ok Krystal. Don't worry." Mike says softly and smiles. "I should go guys. Cya later." He says in what I can only describe as a fake happy tone and leaves. It's obvious he's hiding his pain and that just pains me even more.

"Hey, it'll be ok." Heidi says softly and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"I hope so. I hate causing people pain. It hurts my heart." I tell her sadly.

"Breakups happen Krystal and they can get emotional, it's a part of life that we all go through."

"I know. It's a part of life that I don't like and I don't want to keep experiencing." I tell her sadly and sigh heavily. "I'm going to go home. I want to be alone and think."

"Good luck doing that with your grandma."

"Yeah. She usually doesn't bug me though, she just stays by front door and watches everything."

"Still?! She really expects to see people spraying her yard doesn't she?!" Heidi shouts in shock.

"Yes she does. It's really annoying the hell out of me but what can I do? She doesn't listen to me and doesn't care what I have to say."

"That's sad." She sighs, I nod then sigh as well and turn to leave.

"See you tomorrow."

"Cya."

I start my walk home and cringe when I see those girls outside. They don't see me so I try to sneak by but they only end up laughing which made me look at them.

"Hey Krystal. Haven't seen you in a while, you haven't come to see us." Erica says with a big smile aa she walks up to me.

"I've been busy. Sorry."

"To busy to see us? Aren't we your friends?" Crystal asks sweetly and innocently.

"Uhh sure?"

"We are friends Krystal. You can come to us anytime." Erica says and smiles but her smile just seems so evil and unsettling.

"Ok I'll keep that in mind. I have to go now. Bye." I tell them nicely and smile as I start to leave.

"Bye!" They both say at the same time.

"What a ignorant bitch." I hear Erica whisper as I walk away

"Yeah she's so dumb and trusting. It's fun to mess with her." Crystal says and laughs slightly.

"I'm to nice. I need to stand up to them, but not today." I whisper to myself as I round the corner.

I shake my head and keep walking home. I'm nice to people because I don't want them hurt but they hurt me instead, over and over again. Some people would call me a door mat or even a punching bag and a weakling because of how I am. The truth is besides not liking to hurt people, I don't know how to stand up for myself. Growing up I was shut down whenever I spoke up so I just stopped speaking all together.

My grandma always made it clear that I should be seen and not heard and I should always look cute and beautiful. I wasn't allowed to talk unless I needed to so I didn't. I didn't ask for anything and if I was given something I didn't even say thank you because I was too afraid to even make a sound.

Now I feel like I don't even have a voice except when I'm with my friends and even then I can't fully express myself. They cuss and I'm afraid to cuss except mildly because I think I'm going to get yelled at for it.

I get home and see my grandma at the door as usual. I squeeze past her and head into my room, neither of us say a word to each other which I'm thankful for. I just go into my room and do my homework then lay back and think about today and wonder how things will be from now on.