19 Episode 19 - Avoidance

"Scotty!" Ziggy came racing across the living room to the open door, arms spread wide, but he was quickly stopped by a large hand to the chest.

"Are you insane?" asked Yangyang, holding the man back. "He has a broken rib and bruises all over."

Ziggy huffed his disappointment but didn't go any further, so the hand released him.

"I was just so relieved to see mon bébé was okay." Reaching out, he gave Amari a gentle pat on the shoulder. "We were really worried about you. I thought you were done getting yourself into trouble, tsé? What happened?"

Amari threw his keys and broken phone onto the side table. "Nothing," he replied, returning to his usual cold and grumpy self. "Just ran into an old friend."

"Well, I'm glad it wasn't worse." A light tug pulled him to the kitchen counter and Ziggy placed a warm mug in his hand. "I made you some tea. You need to make sure you get plenty of rest, hein? Don't worry. Your papa will take good care of you."

Amari snorted out a mocking laugh and shook his head. "I'll be okay. Besides, I might be better off if you don't try to help me, hein?"

There was a hard slap to his shoulder and he responded with a grunt, followed by a soft "told you so," placing the mug down.

"Seriously, Zig. I'm okay."

Yangyang reached over and took Amari's arm. "Here, I'll help you to your room."

His chest tightened at the touch and he tried not to appear anxious. The cab ride home wasn't long enough to sort out the jumble of thoughts swirling in his mind, but he knew he wasn't ready for this.

Gently pushing the man's hand away, he shook his head again and guided him toward the open door. "You should go home. It's already late, and you've still gotta work in the morning."

"It isn't a problem..." There was a pause as the boy squeezed his shoulder tight.

"It's been a really long day," Amari whispered, a little shaky. "Can you please just go now?"

Yangyang removed himself from the boy's grip. "Alright. I'll go." His tone still showed concern, but it wasn't as heavy as before. "Zig, he has a concussion, so make sure you check on him often, yeah? I left the hospital papers on the counter."

Without another word, the man turned, disappearing down the stairs. Amari shut the door as he left and let out a relieved sigh, leaning his forehead up against the hard wood. He stayed like that for a few moments until Ziggy gently wrapped his arms around his neck, resting them on his shoulders.

"It'll be okay. Tout ira bien." This time the man's sweet tone didn't have any playfulness to it.

Amari felt the tears flow down his cheeks. He tried to wipe them away, but they wouldn't stop. "Shit," he said under his breath and began to cry - something he hadn't done in years - but everything was so confusing now. Ziggy kissed him softly on the back of the head, then led him to his room.

"Just get some sleep, hein?" His friend helped him to his bed, taking his shoes off. "I'll wake you in a little while to take your medication."

"Thanks, Zig." Crawling to his pillow, he turned onto his back with a low groan.

Ziggy chuckled, but not with his usual cheer. "I don't think I'm the one you should be thanking." He turned, shoes in hand, and paused in the doorway. "Maybe don't push this one away too, hein?"

Not waiting for a response, he left, closing the door behind him. Amari laid in the silence of his room. He didn't even have music to drown out the insecurities and stared blankly up into the darkness.

Of all the times to pay back that debt... Why did he show that side of himself to Yangyang? And why had he been so open? What did the man know about him after tonight? An anti-social, homeless teen, working illegal jobs, stealing money, covered in scars. Did he really not have anything good to show?

"Fuck." He groaned again as he shifted, but not just from his physical pain. "What a shitty fucking day."

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After about a week, the pain from everything except the cracked rib went away, at least enough for Amari to return to normal life. He had always been tough, even as a child, and injuries like this never kept him down for long. In the past, it was because his only option was to work through it. Now, he just wanted to stay busy enough to drown out the conflicting thoughts that kept running through is head.

Ziggy bought him a new phone a few days after the incident, but his data was gone for good. He didn't mind. His friend had all the contacts he needed and there wasn't much else to save. An empty phone for an empty life. He streamed all of his music, so after downloading a few apps, it was like nothing had happened.

Almost like nothing happened. The first few days, Ziggy kept Yangyang updated, since Amari didn't have a phone. He also immediately sent money to pay back the hospital fees, at the boy's request, but it was rejected.

Once Amari had a working phone, Ziggy pushed the responsibility of communication back to him. Yangyang sent multiple messages a day, but he didn't reply frequently. The man wasn't pushy - he didn't ask questions or demand information - he just wondered how he was doing and talked about random, unrelated things. Trivial, casual, unimportant things. For the next couple of weeks, their relationship was nothing but a handful of these messages.

Amari knew the way he left it had been awful, but he still couldn't bring himself to give Yangyang even a thank you. The new feelings that had been building were pushed back by self-doubt and self-loathing, emotions that didn't disappear easily. They weren't logical, but they were consuming, and this was a good opportunity for him to slow things down. It hadn't been more than a couple of months since the two had met, yet he was opening up to the man so quickly. That lack of control confused and terrified him.

'We have a gig at The Basement tomorrow. Did Ziggy tell you?'

'Yeah.'

'How are you feeling? Will you be working?'

'Don't think so. Still healing.'

'Don't push yourself. Getting better is the most important thing.'

'Yeah. Gonna go eat something.'

'Wouldn't want to keep you from food.'

The boy sighed and rolled off his bed. How could Yangyang act like his sudden indifference was nothing? Couldn't he take a hint? Or maybe he didn't care enough to be bothered.

Taking a few deep breaths, Amari rubbed the back of his neck. His chest didn't hurt as much, and though it would take a few more weeks to heal completely, he could return to work if he wanted. Still, the thought of meeting up with Yangyang again made him queasy. It was best to just stay in the apartment.

"Hungry?" Ziggy asked as he shuffled down the hall. "I made pancakes."

"What's the occasion?" A cup of hot coffee was already there waiting. "Expecting guests?"

"Just you, mon chéri." The words were extra sweet and Amari faked a gag. "You're the only one I have lately, tsé? You need to treat me better."

"I never said you couldn't have people over, tsé? You decided that on your own."

Ziggy chuckled. "Ah, c'est cute. I really did miss this Scotty. So distant and full of contempt."

With a growl, Amari grabbed the plate of pancakes, cutting large portions and shoving them quickly into his mouth.

"Careful. Don't choke yourself."

"Va chier," he replied between bites.

"Fuck off? Ah, such language... But I still love you."

The man joined him at the table, drinking his own cup of coffee. He really had made all of the pancakes for Amari and the boy knew he was feeling lonely. His friend hadn't had any strange visitors since that day, most likely worried by both the theft at his sister's coffeehouse and Amari's still healing body. He wasn't the type to ever be without another person, so to hold back for weeks was a big deal. Amari was grateful, but Ziggy was also the person he unloaded his stress onto, and right now he needed that outlet more.

"You really aren't going to see him?" Amari only nodded in response, not wanting to talk about it. "But you'll help me tonight, and tomorrow before everyone gets there?"

The boy carried the empty plate and mug to the sink, rinsing them off. "Yeah. I feel good enough now to do that."

"C'est bon ca," said Ziggy, though he still didn't sound like he agreed with the choice. He stood and gave Amari a pat on the shoulder. "Just don't push yourself."

::Don't push yourself. Getting better is the most important thing.::

"Uh, fuck," mumbled Amari, lowering his head.

Ziggy stuck his face close but was immediately shooed away. "What?"

"Nothing." Pushing the man away, he headed down the hall, pulling off his shirt and throwing it through the open bedroom door. "I'm gonna take a shower. I'll meet you down there when I'm done."

The water felt hotter than usual on his skin and he leaned back, letting it pour down his face and chest. He traced old scars with his fingers and wondered what he looked like to others. Without much body hair to cover them, they were easy to find. Some he had since childhood and could remember, but the others were from after he had lost his sight. He could only imagine from the feel what someone saw when they looked at him. Lowering his head, he let the spray bounce off the back of his neck, feeling for the thick scar tissue at the base of his skull. His long hair covered the small bald spot, so it wasn't noticeable, but he could never forget it was there.

He rammed a fist into the shower wall and then sighed.

::What're you doing? You really are such an asshole.::

He sighed again and after a few minutes standing in silence, he started washing.