The Underground 16

As we approached the end of the tunnel I couldn't help but be stunned silent for a few moments. My faithful and trusted lifelong servant Vivian had completely screwed me. I can accept her having meat for a body. I can accept her weird eye situation and hair. But this, this Reader this is too far.

Vivian is without a doubt the worst servant I've ever had and the first, frankly she's kind of made me look down on spider kind. This whole ordeal has really skewed my perception against them. My next worshipper will have to be something else maybe a pelican or something. As for Vivian I'm gonna have to rate her a 1 out of 1000 or so and that's pretty generous really she deserves a 0 for that abysmal notion she calls assistance.

We exited at the midpoint of a mountain with the sun rising, the first morning I've seen in far too long. It was nice feeling the natural heat of the sun on me again. I had almost forgotten what it felt like. The soothing feel of heat was fleeting as Muffles promptly struck me into the first sizable rock near us which wasn't hard since we were on a mountain. Wow she really plans to abandon me again. You know Reader, she should really try coming up with a new trick because this is getting old.

"This isn't a trick you're not coming." She spoke flatly disregarding the fact that I didn't put that in quotations, rude.

"Come on Muffles, we've had plenty of good times. Remember that one time I saved you from that cocoon and told you how to get out?"

She didn't waver "You told me to spit on it and laughed because salvia would have no effect on webs."

I mean laughing is an exaggeration. I don't have a mouth so it's more like amusing thoughts."Pfft come on that was all in the past you gotta learn to let go." I did my best to sound like a hippie.

"Pretended you knew the way out." she continued

"No, I thought I might know the way out and just forgot that I didn't." I corrected.

"You were going to let the spiders kill me." Her voice was rising with anger.

"To be fair you did abandon me." I didn't want to pull out that card but she did kind of owe me at least one life for that. It's not like I wished damnation onto her in the next life or anything.

"Constantly try to lie when I can hear EVERYTHING YOU THINK."

In my defense Reader that one is on her not me. If she couldn't hear me all the time then she wouldn't know I'm lying, the fact that she can is more of a her problem.

"Muffles you're looking at it all wrong." She raised an eyebrow.

"Really it just means I think highly of you as potential legs. So one could argue you should be thanking me for considering you for such a sought after position. I mean just look at the Reader they would give away their first born to be my chauffeur." I know Reader, Muffles can be really rude not even thinking about your feelings at all.

"Who would thank you for calling them legs?! Not to mention you have not once asked for my name, you just made one up!." By now she was shouting, man some people have really short fuses.

"The Reader would thank me for calling them legs. They are a very great person who I know definitely can at least count to five during several days of the week. Also the Reader would donate a kidney to be called Muffles so let's not act like it's not a highly desirable name." Muffles scoffed, my cleverly thought out retorts too much for her pebble- sized brain to handle.

"Prebble sized? That's it you're not coming. Good luck to you and your next owner, they're gonna need it."

"Yeah well who needs you, stinking meat-bag and your ridiculous no killing half-meats rule."

She grabbed her half-meets sister hand, turned briskly and started to walk away. This had to be a bluff of some kind just trying to make me sweat. Well guess what Muffles I don't have sweat juice like you do!

She continued to walk off with her half-meat sister not even responding to my point about sweat juice. Wait a moment is she really…No who would pick a half-meat over me? I'm the most powerful sword in existence and that's putting it humbly. No, she'll come back any second now. She didn't make any move to come back, if anything she started to walk slightly faster, her half-meat sister having to trot to keep up with the fast pace of Muffles.

I can't believe it! She's going to leave ME after I saved her life multiple times, unbelievable. She held her other hand up, the middle finger pointed upwards. I'm not sure why maybe she liked the blue sky or something. Wait a second, is she doing that meat-bag thing where you without verbally saying it say fuck off? That son of a bitch.

"Just you wait! Your half-meat is gonna get the both of you killed and then you'll wish you had me!"

She raised her hand higher in response, never once looking back or breaking her pace. Just as they were about to start heading down the mountain out of view, the half-meet that had attached itself to Muffles' like some kind of glovey parasite did a half turn and waved to me. I know exactly what you're thinking Reader, that half-meat is super creepy and totally just stole my legs from me. What an asshole.

Well I guess it's just you and me again Reader but hey were outside that's progress. And you know what Reader we are better off good riddance to meat-bags. Infact Reader this was really all part of the plan. Yup coming to the cliffside was the plan and now I just need to make a second plan since my first has succeeded without a single hiccup. Indeed, now it is time for PART TWO of my plan which comes after part one. Any second now I will share this next plan with you. It is a very well thought out plan might I add.

Hmm, hey Reader if you could find me you would let me have your legs right? This has nothing to do with my thoroughly thought out second plan, just a random question that popped into my mind. Feel free to take some time to think about it.