5 Chapter 1 The Underground

Let me start this reader by saying read the prologue if you haven't. Yea I get it this is chapter one but I explain everything in the prologue and I don't have time to coddle you with some kind of brief summary just because you were too lazy to read the prologue. As for you prologue reader, we continue.

PS: Prologue reader you are officially smarter than that idiot that started at chapter one feel free to ridicule that terrible excuse of a full-meat. Oh and don't get me started on that rock sucker from before. If you're confused don't worry about it, some people are simply clueless. But not you prologue reader you are an adequate meat-bag Good for you!

Ahem let me just clear my non-existent throat. Let's see…. right, I'm still in a cave chilling, just had to remember where I was. So yea I've been here anywhere between 1,000 to 10,000 years. Lost track a long time ago but there's this cool spider that put some webs around me so that was nice. They did that just like a few weeks ago or maybe it was a few months...hmm years even? I'm not sure. Although they were bigger than I remember spiders being, I suppose that's just how life goes, things get different and in this case things got bigger.

Outside of the size they are behaving, I want to say strangely but I can't say for sure. Personally I never made it my goal to study spiders but I don't remember them having a social hierarchy or any kind of organization let me explain.

There's these small spiders that for some reason tell the bigger ones that are around the size of a human what to do. And there's the spiders twice their size that tell both of them what to do. And there's the final spider which has the torso of a human and so far I've only seen one of her, she tells them all what to do. She was strange to say the least. Not because she was a spider but because she had super long hair and despite being part spider refused to make clothing for herself. Honestly the amount of meat bags that walk around not being ashamed of the fact they are made of meat baffles me.

reader, let me assure you that all meat bags look better with armor and a weapon of some kind on them. If you think you're cool or good looking you're not ok you're just not. THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THE ARMOR RULE YOU ALL SUCK.

This is the only thing Dorian did right, that guy never took his armor off except on a few occasions to clean himself. Don't be you meat-bag, be like Dorian, put some armor on. Clothing is a distant second but really armor is the best way to go.

Anyways this spider-meat tried picking me up once and I was fully planning on letting her. I mean as cool as living in a cave sounds, it's quite boring. But this no armor wearing piece of shit couldn't even lift me at my relatively low base weight.

I did attempt to communicate with her but she couldn't hear anything I said so it's nice to know the enchantments are still working. All-father forbid I actually was able to move or talk to someone other than my own self. I mean that would just be terrible.

Why would I ever want to talk to someone or leave this wonderful...beautiful...magnificent cave. Lonely? I don't know the meaning. Personally, I enjoy being trapped alone for several thousand years. I'm not some silly god or meat-bag that needs constant entertainment.

However, in the sole interest of keeping myself sane I have come up with a few games to keep myself uhhh, hmmm not for fun or entertainment purposes. No, I came up with these games just to feel less bored. Right, less bored! In favor of being less bored I've come up with some truly innovative games. One might even call them inspiring. You want to know the game? Very well reader prepare to be amazed! My game is very inspirational though so if you end up creating some cheap copy after hearing it I will be severely disappointed.

The game works like this, I stare at spiders while they work, they always keep one of their beady red eyes on me so it makes it easy. The goal is to stare at the opponent the longest without blinking. Whoever blinks first loses. I know my brilliance shocks even me sometimes. Not only have I come up with this once in a century game but I am also very good at it undefeated actually. And would you believe that this is just one of my many amazing games. Well best start believing because it is indeed just one of my many great games.

In-fact I am so adept at making up these creative games that I have decided that today I will come up with a new one and it involves this human shaped rug that was thrown in here just ten minutes ago. It has shoes sticking out the end of it and everything. I'm not even sure how it got there; it just kind of fell from the ceiling which I had previously believed to be solid but perhaps there are some cracks or something that lead to the surface from when I busted in all that time ago.

Regardless of how this rug-man thing appeared I have decided to have a stay still-off. Whoever moves first is the loser. Truly a magnificent game that only one as genius as myself could possibly come up with. But I have to admit this rug-man is a worthy opponent as they have yet to move the entire time I was coming up with the game. Clearly they have a degree of mastery but despite being a novice I'm certain I will win.

A few minutes went by and they didn't move. Another ten and still nothing, ok reader this might be a second this rug-man is obviously experienced with this kind of game. Worry not i'll win it will just take a bit of time.