who am I?

Ripped jeans, large hoodie, black docks with bright laces, hood up, head phones on listening to NF and Eminem, sleeves rolled up and bag on my back. My hair has been thrown in a messy bun as I patiently wait for the the day I can finally cut it all and I despise wearing makeup. That is what I'm wear on my first day back at school. As I'm walking down the halls I here someone yell at me. i😁 know it's at me because the voice is that of my only 'friend'

"Hey girl" lizzy. She is only my friend because she wouldn't give up trying to make me feel better. I'm her little project. anyway I just go along with it. But something about what she says feels off. Lily is wearing plain jeans and a crop top. Her make up is perfect as always and here hair is in a neat bun. Next to me, she looks like a goddess.

She carried on talking about something that happened over the holidays, like I'd care anyways, but the word girl just rings in my head. Over and over again. Girl. Girl girl girl girl. It doesn't feel right. As I carry on thinking about it, I get visibly more and more uncomfortable.

After what feels like forever lily snaps me out of my thoughts. "hello. Isabella. OMG Iz stop ignoring me. What's wrong?"

"ummm... Something feels wrong. I didn't mean to ignore you but I just don't feel right. I'm going to talk to the counsiler. I'll catch you at break. Same place as always." I shout the last bit as I start walking the other way.

Last year I went to the councilors office all the time. Alot happened last year and I had no idea how to cope so I went down a very dark hole. I'm still recovering but I'm getting better.

As I aproach her office I see her walk in. "Miss. Miss Smith." I called trying to get her attention. It worked. Just before the door shut she slowly opens it looks out at me and smiles.

"ahhh. Hello Isabella. How can I help?" she says whilst inviting me into her office. I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to say it.

"I need your help with something" I say. Willing for this to be easy yet knowing it won't be.

So as you already know, my name is Isabella. I live in an apartment with my horrid dad. My mother left last year, I was never close to her but always closer to her than my dad. When she left I lost all motivation and when I finally got back to school after month off, my anxiety got bad. Following all this dark stuff that happened but like I Said I'm recovering. Anyways... I love art and drawing. I love music and singing. My favourite thing to do is drown out the world with music or a book.

I was in her office for about half an hour and when We finished it could have come sooner. She said to come back tomorrow but we didn't talk about what I wanted to talk about. Instead we had a long draw out conversation about home life. I could tell you In One word. SHIT.

First period, form. Boring. I sat and talked with MC. She sits next to me and I guess she's okay. She is obnoxiously loud and she is very padantic. But shes a decent human so I get its okay.

In form we just talked about the rallies. I've been to a phew to try help in anyway show or form. I didn't go to as many as Lizzy, she went to them all and she got injured, not that that's going to stop her.

The amount of people for all ethnic backgrounds was amazing. It's amazing how many people can stop any arguments to go fight for equality. it's sort of magical the way generations stop fighting to protect a community.

It the black lives that need protecting. More people of colored skin get killed than outsiders.

Society can go Fuck its self.