14 Ch. 14

Under a powerful Disillusionment Charm, I watched the second-years file in from behind my desk. The two houses stuck close to their own, the Slytherins taking the left side of the class while the Gryffindors filled in the right side.

Judging by the smirks on Draco Malfoy and his two little followers, I believe it safe to assume he came out the better in one of his spats with Harry Potter. I'm not a fan of bullying, but I saw this as beneficial to Mr. Potter. If he's to face Voldemort, then the little disputes with Malfoy will help set the ground work for his rebelliousness.

Who knows, I might even contribute a bit more to Mr. Potter myself, past my obviously stellar lessons. The thought of a slightly more competent Boy-Who-Lived going against the Dark Lord will only benefit everyone, and I won't have to step in and finish the Lord Noseless myself.

My attention locked onto a freckle-faced ginger and his messy-haired companion as they angrily stomped into the classroom. Ron Weasley was a lanky kid with a long nose. He was a total contrast to the much shorter Harry Potter. Now that I really look at the child-savior, he definitely needed to eat more, there was hardly any baby-fat on his twelve-year-old cheeks.

Without a professor in sight, several of the students leaned into groups and began chatting. I allowed the students their moment of gossiping as I waited for a late arrival to find his seat. With the light-haired Gryffindor situated, it was time to get things started.

Concentrating on the door, I grinned in triumph when it slammed shut. My grin only increased when several girls little out startled screams from the unexpected boom of wood on stone. As the students turned around in their seats to observe the cause of the noise, I took the opportunity to stand up.

"Welcome!" I boomed, generating another series of screams as I let the Disillusionment drop. "Tsk. Tsk. So easily startled," I murmured more to myself as I moved around my desk. I made sure to run my hand over the covered cage of pixies to get a small reaction from the pixies. Noting the looks of alarm towards the cage when it was suddenly jarred, I put on a charming smile.

"I am, Gilderoy Lockhart, adventurer extraordinaire, best-selling author, and now, your beloved Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. It is my responsibility to pass on my vast knowledge and experience, so that you may arm yourselves against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind!" I declare while oozing confidence and charm.

I quickly tone down both as I notice several of the young ladies casting star-struck looks my way. Twelve-year-olds should not be giving that look to anyone, even if it is me, especially if it's me! I banish such thoughts as I refocus on the task at hand.

"Now," I call out in a business-like manner, "Hold up your summer homework." I believe I successfully said that without frowning this time.

As each student began holding up sheets of parchment, I used a bit of wandless magic to gather the bane of my free time and set it on my desk. Another wave sends the second-year review tests hurdling towards the occupied desks. I effortlessly pretend I don't see the fawning looks being cast my way.

"We will be starting with a review test," I say in way of introduction to the papers now resting in front of my students. As hushed grumbles sprung up around the room, I felt the need to speak up. "Now, now. One must know where they are, before setting out on a journey!"

Seeing several students hurriedly jotting down answers, I raise my palm towards the room and watch as everyone stills at my spell. A handy little piece of magic that.

"It would behoove you to take this little review seriously," I warn. "If I feel I must dedicate more time to first-year spells... That will only mean more homework for the lot of you," I finish and grant the frozen students their freedom. "You have thirty minutes!"

I ignore the excited buzzing of little voices as I retake my seat behind my desk. The pixie cage rattles again as I prop my feet up to get comfortable. I flip over my enchanted hourglass as I delve back into my own reading. 1

All too soon, my hourglass gives a crisp chirp and I'm forced to put my book down. "Times up! Quills down," I announce as I move around my desk.

Waving both my arms the room was filled with the fluttering of flying parchment. The review tests were soaring off of desks only to be replaced with my paper on Occlumency.

"The sheet of paper I'm passing out now isn't something that we'll be placing a great deal of focus on this year," I say to my students. "However, as your beloved Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, I feel that it's my duty that you're informed of how to defend your minds."

"Defend our minds?" A brown-haired Slytherin girl asks.

"Of course," I say as I grace the curious child with a smile. "Occlumency is the art of defending your mind from Legilimency. It allows you to protect your thoughts from others and from creatures such as boggarts and dark-haired dungeons bats!" I finish with a chortle at my own inside joke.

Unexpectedly the hidden pixies use that moment to give their cage a vigorous shake. "Pay no attention to the cage, students," I dismissively wave. "Those vicious beasts are for my next class."

"Professor," a brown-haired Gryffindor called from his seat in the back. "What's in the cage?"

"Well," I draw out for dramatic effect, "I suppose I can allow a small peek, IF, you all are able to keep yourselves from provoking them," I finish as I lay my hand on the leather sheet. I survey the room and make note of the looks of anticipation being cast at the cage.

I really should stick to the lesson plan, but this seems like so much more fun!

"I present to you," I emphasize dramatically, "Cornish Pixies!" I finish as I sweep the cover off with a grand flourish.

Like little electric blue imps, the pixies immediately begin wildly rattling the cage and making rude faces at the closest students. If you used your imagination just a bit, you could make out possible insults in their shrill voices.

As I triumphantly stand before the class, I make note of the many disappointed faces. As if on cue, a catch the sound of a few snorts. Perfect...

"Yes?" I ask an Irish boy in Gryffindor colors.

"They're," Seamus Finnigan started before he chokes back a laugh, "They're not very dangerous, are they?" The Irish boy asked before breaking out in a choked laugh.

"Not very dangerous?" I haltingly ask myself. "Let's find out," I declare before swinging the cage door wide open!

Like blue colored bottle-rockets, the pixies shot out in every direction. Failing to break through the enchanted windows, the little blue blighters turned their attention to the screaming children. It was instant pandemonium! I gleefully laughed as my students dove under their desks as an assault of paper wads, open ink jars, and flying backpacks rained down on them from the flying pixies.

"Atta boy, Mr. Longbottom," I called out as two pixies were picking the shy Gryffindor up into the air. "Take the fight to them!"

"That's using your head, Mr. Weasley," I shouted towards the ginger after a pixie impacted against his face! I continued to stand in front of the room and laugh at the dismay of my adorably horror-struck students.

Chaos had only ensued for a few minutes, but my sides were beginning to hurt from all the laughing. Fearing one of my students would remember they have magic and steal my thunder, I let my wand drop into my hand. With a grand wave of my wand, all the pixies come to a complete halt. Another wave of my wand and the pixies zoom back into the cage as if pulled in by a powerful vacuum.

As the sheltered kiddies begin to crawl out from their hiding spots, my wand whooshes over the room in another overly grand flourish. A hundred little things begin to right themselves as the wide-eyed children try to take everything in. The ink was pulled off of clothes and desks and funneled back into ink jars, books reassembled themselves, backpacks flew towards their owners, and even Mr. Longbottom was detached from the chandelier and floated back to his seat.

"I guess I forgot to mention that Cornish Pixies are labeled a XXX creature by the Ministry. The very same category as the poisonous doxy, the blood-thirsty red cap, and the mischievous leprechaun," I dutifully inform.

"Of course, XXX states that competent wizards should be able to cope with said beasts," I thoughtfully state. "After this little display of magicless combat, I'll let you make of that what you will."

As I thoroughly ignore the scalding looks being cast my way, I throw the leather sheet back over the pixie cage after a quick check to make sure I caught them all. Once satisfied I have them all, I merrily turn back to my audience.

"A few things I need to address," I announce as I pose with a hand on my hip. "I didn't see a single one of you attempt to cast a spell of any sort during that entire debacle. Everyone failed to remain calm and look at the situation objectively," I finished in a remorseful tone.

"But have no fear," I suddenly shout, "I, Gilderoy Lockhart, will rectify your poor performance, and see to it that each and every one of you will possess the skills needed to successfully defend yourselves, much like I have done, countless times!"

I can't help but smirk at the distraught looks on several of the less dedicated students. "And Mr. Weasley, your wand is in desperate need of repair. Any spell you attempt will have disastrous results. So, I recommend you visit Mr. Ollivander or the Headmaster to see your wand fixed," I finish just before a bell chime, signally the end of class.

As the class began gathering their belongings, I can't stop myself from having a bit more fun at their expense. "Homework," I loudly announce over the noise of the retreating children. "Practice all of your first-year spells! You never know when you may have need of them."

As the sweet sounds of groans echoed off the walls, I follow-up with another bit of entertainment. "Oh, and check your bags," I call out as the students begin to walk out of the classroom, "One of the pixies are unaccounted for!"

As a panic rushes through the traumatized kiddos, I can't stop myself from waving good-bye to the horror-stricken children. "Ta-ta," I cheerfully say before casting a powerful Disillusionment Charm and disappearing from sight!