Never

Dan had been giving Philip the cold shoulder all week and it bothered the blue-eyed shop manager.

"Okay, spill it, " Philip groaned annoyed, dropping a box of old, used books on the counter.

Dan adjusted his glasses and pretended as if no one was even there and continued with his book-keeping.

Dan's silence affected Philip more than he would care to admit.

Dan hadn't always been a talker but at least he spoke with Philip, but now he wasn't even speaking to him at all.

He knew what he did, but it'd been for Dan's own good.

Even though Dan didn't see it or appreciate it, Philip had always seen Dan as more than friends or co-workers, but as a younger brother.

He was two years older than Dan and after taking care of the bookshop, teasing Dan was his next best thing.

"Look, Dan, I'm really sorry, " he faced Dan, expecting him to look up—but he didn't.

But his hands had stopped their movements.

Philip sighed.

"I know what I did was wrong. It was personal to you and I knew you wanted to be the one to tell her—" he paused.

"I'm really sorry, " he made sure his voice conveyed his sincerity.

Dan laid his hands flat on the counter and sighed.

"I know you mean well Philip but please, I—" Dan paused and looked up at him.

Philip looked remorseful.

"I don't want to lose her, she's everything, " Dan said quietly.

Philip noticed Dan's tone and he noticed the tired look in his eyes.

"Did something happen?" Philip asked, his brows furrowing in concern.

Dan sighed and ran his hand through his chestnut hair.

"On our last date, I was kinda short with her, " Dan gripped the edge of the counter tightly, his head bowed.

'And it was because of you, you stupid shit,' Dan thought.

But that wasn't true, he was at fault for not gaining control over his emotions.

He hated that fact, he hated himself for it.

He'd caught the slightest fear in her eyes and it'd nearly shattered him.

He hated it so much.

Dan let out a shaky breath.

"I'm really sorry, bro, "

"I know, " Dan said softly.

"How'd she react?" Philip said, concern evident in his voice.

Dan raised his head and looked into his blue eyes.

"You know the angel she is, she barely even acted like it bothered her, "

Dan sighed again for the umpteenth time and straightened.

"I'm a moron, "

Philip chuckled a little.

"No, you're not, "

A moment passed.

"I love her, " Dan said quietly.

"I love her so much Philip I can't breathe, "

Philip's eyes widened to the size of saucers.

Dan was really serious about this girl.

"Does she know?"

Dan shook his head.

"No, "

"I mean, it's only been two months, " Dan divulged.

"And you don't know if she feels the same way, " Philip finished for him.

'He was so scared.'

"For once in my life, I actually want to be better, " Dan said quietly, which shocked Philip into silence.

"Wow, " Philip whispered.

"Have you considered rehab Danny Dan?" Philip said quietly.

Dan looked into his eyes and smiled—it was a genuine smile, one Philip had only been privileged of seeing once.

"I'm starting next week, " he said after a while.

"She...she um, she understood, "

Philip's eyes widened.

"She'll be going with me—for emotional support, " Dan grinned and a warm, grateful feeling settled in Philip's chest for the woman who had changed his best friend so.

"She's a keeper, " Philip said finally.

Dan smiled, nodding.

"She is, " he looked into Philip's blue eyes.

√√√

It was his day off and Dan was excited—because he would get to spend the whole day with her.

He was alone by the old park, the high trees with beautiful yellow and pink flowers swayed with the subtle movement of the breeze, blowing dead leaves around.

He brought out his phone, and texted her, a broad smile on his lips.

Name: Dan

Time: 9 am

Hey beautiful, wanna spend some time with me today?

Name: Lily

Time: 9:02am

Oh, dear, I'm so sorry sugar, something came up at work

Dan's heart throbbed.

They were both supposed to have a free day today.

He sighed.

Name: Dan

Time: 9:03 am

It's fine babe, take your time. I'll miss you❤

Name: Lily

Time: 9:03 am

I'm really sorry Dan, I promise I'll make it up to you❤❤

Dan couldn't stop the stupid smile that spread on his face at the two loves she sent.

He wanted to text that he loved her, he was already texting it, but he stopped mid-sentence.

He sighed, deleting it all completely.

'What if she wasn't ready?'

'What if she didn't feel the same way?'

It would shatter him, he knew.

He sighed and leaned against the old park bench, closing his eyes.

The wind teased his tendrils blowing them gently against his forehead.

He was by his spot, near the closed-off area—the place he used to come and smoke.

His could feel the blunts on the floor through the sole of the boots he wore.

Each had a story of its own—whether on a sunny day, or stormy or rainy day—they all had their own story, but none were recent.

Philip had never asked him—nobody in fact—about why he started smoking in the first place.

Only he knew.

It was because of the gaping hole inside of him—the pain no one knew about.

The tears no one saw.

The downright disturbing thoughts that constantly plagued his mind, the morbid thoughts, the perverse thoughts, psychologically impaired thoughts.

That's why he was afraid of being alone—of being left to his own devices.

He buried his face in his hands.

Sometimes, it was hard to breathe, but with Lily...with Lily, it was easier— much easier

With each day he spent with her, those dark thoughts subsided, almost completely.

He couldn't afford to mess it up. He hoped he didn't push her away.

He stood, hands in jacket and looked down.

His hazel eyes trained on the cigarettes—he would be better, he had to be.

'For Lily,'

'For himself,'

He made his way out the park, hands still in pocket.

"Daniel!"

Dan's eyes widened as he looked up, his eyes widened, even more, when he saw who it was.

'Lily.'

She was sprinting towards him, she raised the take-outs in her hand, heels in other.

She was dressed formally.

'Beautiful.'

She must be coming from work—but it was only past eleven, the sun was still very much high up.

"Lily?" he breathed as she stopped in front of him, breathing very hard.

There was a wide smile plastered on her face, her hair was dishellved probably from all the running.

She was a mess—a hot mess.

"What're you—"

'...doing here?'

"I was released early, I had someone else fill in for me, " she explained out of breath, the smile never leaving her beautiful face.

Lily was an Editor at Derorion Publishing Company.

"I brought food, I'm really sorry Daniel, I hope you forgive me, "

Dan just stared at her, like he was staring at an anomaly.

And in a way, she was.

No one, no one had ever called him by his full name.

But hearing her say it—in his mind...let's just say he wasn't thinking properly anymore.

His name sounded so sweet, so...not boring when she said it.

He cleared his throat and his eyes moved to her left hand—the hand holding the food she brought.

She raised it for him to see.

"It's your favourite, " she grinned at him.

He smiled.

"Thanks, Lily, " she moved closer to him, leaning against him. He wrapped his arms around her.

They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity.

'I love you,'

It was at the back of his throat. It literarily fought for expression.

He wanted to tell her so badly, but it didn't make it past his throat.

It died there, probably forever.

He was so scared, so scared of losing her.

His hands tightened around her.

He had to tell her.

"Lily, I..."

He paused.

'Curses!'

"Hmm, " she murmured inhaling his sweet scent.

She wanted to stay like that forever. In his arms—secure, protected.

'He was so soft...so gentle.'

"So safe..." she whispered lowly.

She stayed there for a moment revelling in his embrace.

Sometimes, he felt out of reach— distant, distracted.

Like there was a heavy burden he was shouldering and he was dealing with it all alone.

Slowly, she leaned back, breaking the embrace almost regretfully.

She looked into his eyes—his beautiful hazel eyes. Eyes that made her weak in the knees.

Those eyes held secrets, secrets she couldn't even begin to uncover.

His eyes were intense as they stared back into hers.

He wondered if she could read what he was thinking.

He figured she could because she placed the take-outs and her heels on the ground.

She faced him and just stared into his eyes as if deciding over something.

She took in a deep breath and removed his glasses.

His eyes widened.

He couldn't see her face anymore, the world around him became a blurry mess.

"Lily—"

His words were caught off as he felt soft lips against his.

He froze for a moment.

Seconds later, he grabbed her by her tiny waist and pulled her gently to him.

He deepened the kiss and he made sure to convey how he truly felt through that one kiss, to show her just how much he cared, how much he loved her.

He broke the kiss but he didn't move away, his arms were still wrapped around her.

Both their breathing was ragged.

He held her cheek.

A moment passed between them and the quietness enveloped them in a cocoon.

"Promise me, you'll stay, "

"No matter what, you'll stay with me, " he whispered.

"Dan, wha—"

"Promise me, " he urged.

She nodded.

"I promise, " she whispered.

She broke from his embrace and put his glasses back on.

She picked her heels and the take-out and raised it at him.

"Let me help you with that, " Dan took the take-out and she chuckled.

She kissed his cheek and Dan blushed.

"Thanks, sweetheart, "

Dan held her close to him with his other hand and they walked out of the old park.

"Dan, I have church this evening. Pastor Agnes asked to see me."

Dan was surprised.

"The Senior pastor?"

Lily nodded her head.

"He was the one who helped when you came by the church that Sunday, "

He looked at her.

"The day I asked you to be my girlfriend."

Lily blushed and nodded.

"He seemed nice, " he said quietly.

Lily smiled.

"I'll tell him you said that, "

A pause.

"Dan, why don't you come with me, this Sunday, " she stopped to face him.

They were still quite a distance from her apartment.

"Lily, I don't do church, " he said quietly.

Her eyes fell a little.

"Okay, "

Dan almost felt bad because she'd been asking him and he'd always said no.

"Don't forget our appointment, " she smiled again and Dan returned it.

'Yeah, he still had rehab.'

He discovered it was good for him. He was actually making progress—and it was all because of her.

She believed in him, that he could be better.

And that was enough.

She turned to call a taxi.

"Lily, " he called, moving to her.

As his hand was about to touch her, flashes of blood—a lot of blood—flooded his vision.

He saw himself wailing in despair, kneeling in a pool of blood.

And then everything fizzled away.

'What did he just see?'

'A vision?'

"Dan, what's wrong?" Lily said tentatively.

"It's nothing, " he said in a detached voice.

He stopped a taxi for her.

Hesitantly, she got in.

She turned to him.

"Please eat something, " she said softly motioning to the food in his hand.

Dan's heart warmed and raced all at once at the concern in her voice.

He raised the take-out for her to see.

"I will, you too, "

She smiled, nodding.

"I'll see you Wednesday, " Dan said as the taxi drove off.

She waved at him.

He waved back.

'She was so cute.'

The three words bubbled behind his throat.

'Now was his chance!'

And like before, the words didn't find the chance for expression.

He swallowed it back.

One day, he knew he'd find the courage to tell her.

...