19 Chapter Nineteen

"Well, look what the cat finally dragged in." Giovanni bantered from across the table as Ryker and I approached it.

His arm hadn't left from my waist and he squeezed gently. My nerves were resting just at his fingertips and my heart throbbed with his closeness. I wasn't used to feeling anything for anyone, but Dominik had sent me into a world so unlike my own that it was getting harder and harder by the day to keep myself from falling deeper into the routine of what my life should have been from the start. The lines were blurring between the job and my life, and I couldn't find a way to control it to keep it from happening.

I smirked to save face. "Did you honestly think that I wouldn't come?"

"We placed bets." He snickered.

Elsie gasped and threw a crumbled napkin at him. "Shut up. We did not."

"Too bad Emma couldn't be here this year." Luke joined in.

Elsie's eyes widened and she turned to shush him.

"She wasn't invited." Ryker rumbled next to me.

The layer of quiet that fell over the table began to fringe with awkwardness around the edges and Elsie did her signature hand squeeze. "Wanna go grab a drink?"

"Please." I needed to get some air that wasn't swirled in burnt cinnamon.

Ryker's hand left me at the last possible second, his fingertips drifting away last causing goosebumps to replace them. We had much to talk about whenever he was ready, but hopefully he would explain himself sooner rather than later.

"How are you holding up?" Elsie asked quietly.

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine, Jay." She huffed. "You were damn near two hours late."

"It was one." I corrected absentmindedly. "And a half."

"Still."

"Elsie, I'm fine. Really. I thought I couldn't handle it and then suddenly, I could. I'm going to make it just fine tonight." I sighed.

"Good. A dress like that shouldn't waste away in the closet." She smiled. "Ryker is a babe tonight, huh?"

"He's always a babe, Elsie." I said flatly.

"He feels terrible, you know?"

"He should. He lied to me, Elsie. He lied to me and then basically kicked me out of our apartment to appease her."

"He didn't exactly lie, Jay."

"Oh really." I smirked. "I'm not with Emma, Jaylyn. It's complicated and hard to explain, but we're not together." I mocked.

Elsie sighed and handed me a glass. "It is complicated, Jay. I didn't know the full details of it either until Giovanni explained it to me."

"What the hell did Gio have to say about it?" I took a swig.

"You should really hear it from Ryker himself." She pleaded gently.

"Tell me." I insisted sharply.

She sighed and took a drink. "You should really hear his side of it from him, Jay. But from what I understand, Ryker and Emma have been engaged since they were teenagers. It was set up between their parents. The Smith and the Davis families are really popular, but Gio did not go into detail about it. Something about the First Twelve. But he wouldn't budge when I asked. Ryker has never been on board with being with Emma, and he has made it known to everyone, even Emma herself. She still persists, and he goes along with it vaguely to appease his father."

I raised a brow and batted my lashes, signaling to continue. Elsie inhaled and looked down. "That explains why they have always slept separate from each other when she visits if he comes back to your apartment at all. He does not love her, and she knows it. I think we all know who he'd rather be with. I am sure there is a lot more to it than just that, but you will have to wait and hear the rest from Ryker, Jay. I think he has feelings for you too."

"I don't have feelings for him, Els." I scoffed, swirling my glass.

"I think if you look deep enough, there's a lot more room in that icicle of yours that maybe even you're unaware of."

I pulled my clasp up and opened it, grabbing for my flask without shame. Elsie stuck out her hand and pushed my arm back down before I could get a proper drink.

"As your friend, I think you should take it easy tonight."

I stared at her without saying a word. She stuck out her chin and kept up with me, not even blinking. The minutes ticked by and I realized she was not going to back down. I handed my flask over to her and walked away. Unfortunately, as aggravating as it was to admit, she was right. I could not keep doing this to myself, but I never had a real friend to look after me. I always looked after Gio or myself.

She followed and tossed my flask to Giovanni as we sat down. "Knock yourselves out."

Ryker's hand rested on my thigh. I looked down and then back up trying to ignore it. Elsie's revelation swam in my head as I tried to piece it all together. It still didn't excuse his behavior or the fact that I had not been able to sleep in my own bed for two weeks.

The music switched over to something more upbeat and the crowd cheered. Elsie's eye lit up with excitement and I knew before she even turned to stare at me.

"Yes, I'll dance with you."

I stood after her and stopped when Ryker's hand tightened around my wrist, refusing to budge. He looked up at me as he brought my hand forward and kissed the inside of my wrist. If I were a weaker, less angry woman, I surely would have melted where I stood. But I could not control the anger. It was too much too fast.

"Don't." I yanked my wrist away as politely as I could without causing a scene.

He said nothing in return as I stalked away. If he had, I couldn't be held liable for the explosion that was waiting to happen.

Elsie had all but syphoned all stored energy that I had in me with her chaotic dancing. We laughed as we bumped into each other more than actual dancing, but it didn't matter. She was happy, and unfortunately, besides the ever-looming Ryker, I was enjoying myself as well. Sarah had joined in and for the first time, I tried to not completely shun her from our group. It was not any of my business who Giovanni decided to date, even if she would have been my last pick. At least he was happy with her, for now.

What seemed like hours later, the music finally slowed, and I took that as a cue for Luke to take over. He swirled Elsie across the dance floor, and I had to admire how cute they looked together, even though I knew it would not last. Elsie was sweet, but Luke didn't seem like her type at all. It was this moment that mattered.

I could feel eyes on me, standing there alone in the middle of all the couples, but I couldn't move. Taking in the changes my life had made in such a small amount of time was so significant in that moment, watching as my friends enjoyed what was a careless night, it meant something more to me.

I hadn't really noticed the boy come up to me from the side. I watched his lips move but didn't hear the words. My mind was twirling with nirvana of this life that I had wanted so badly that I had only dreamt about it as a little girl. Before the darkness had tainted my soul and left me in a never-ending cycle of self-destruction.

The boy had stiffened and stepped away.

There it was again.

The musk.

The odor.

The earthly smell of fire and spice.

His hand was held out in a silent offer. It was obscene how he could expect anything from me, but I didn't want him to stop trying. The calm he supplied over my internal storm was too sacred. The faux dance before had been a cover to hide my manic anxiety, but now he was asking for a real dance. His eyes conveyed intimacy mixed with something nameless. I couldn't leave the stars, not yet.

I felt my fingers lace into his on their own accord, and I was swept away like a wisp of midnight air. I was light, and the darkness seeped away slowly with each step, turn, and spin. I floated against Ryker's arms and I lost myself. I lost Jaylyn, and it was a calm sort of thrill. It didn't matter that I was an orphan. It didn't matter that I had no one. It didn't matter that I was damaged. The fire raging in the back of my mind was finally soothed.

I was finally whole.

The music had stopped briefly, but Ryker kept my body and mind protected in the utopia of his arms. While others had stopped to move and grab drinks, Ryker kept our bodies tightly pressed against one another.

"Look at me." He whispered in the air between us, and I hadn't realized I had my eyes squeezed closed.

"Please, just don't." I could barely hear my own words that rolled off my tongue.

"Jaylyn." His voice was almost pained, and I couldn't ignore it as much as I wished I could.

I opened my eyes, and the stars were instantly replaced with cool ice. There were glaciers behind his eye lashes, and the chill soothed further the scars across my heart. He leaned down and I instinctively pulled away, though his grip tightened allowing extraordinarily little room to squirm away. My eyes widened when his lips pursed and landed square in the middle of my forehead. It was featherlike and unexpected. My shoulders relaxed at my sudden panic and I could feel the butterflies burst from my stomach and spread to my chest.

I laid my head gently against his chest while he rested his chin atop my head. We stood there, barely swaying, but enjoying our own world that we had created amongst the chaos. When the music resumed, Ryker pulled away beginning the slow turn of the waltz. I wanted to object to the absence of his warmth, but he ignored the pleading in my eyes. Somewhere in his mind, he had to know how hard this was for me. To let someone in. So much more intimate than anything I had ever known before.

Jaylyn Sloan wasn't soft. But I could be. I had the potential to heal, to battle my demons and come out on top. But I knew there was no way I could do it completely on my own. My feet followed his lead and too soon the song ended. I could feel the stinging in the corners of my eyes, but I swallowed down the rush of tears that threatened to spill.

I stood there, caving in on myself under his sight until Elsie came rushing over and saved me from myself.

"Oh, my god, Jay!" She pulled me out of Ryker's arms. "You didn't tell me that you could dance!"

"I can't." I murmured.

"Tell that to everyone here! You were absolutely divine!" She giggled, and I tried to smile.

"I really wasn't paying any attention, Elsie."

She pulled us in the direction of the table, and I sat down next to her, the dreamlike state I had been in was washing away slowly and with it came the sadness. The ache for this to be my reality, when in truth it was anything but.

"I'm glad that you are giving Ryker a solid chance." She smiled.

"I'm not. That wasn't." I got caught up in my words. "That wasn't what it looked like, okay?"

"If you say so."

Giovanni sat across from us and only stared at me. There was no emotion, but of all the people here, he knew the real me. He knew the battles and struggles of keeping who I was an absolute secret. It was safer for all involved, for him. He knew his safety came at my sacrifice, and no amount of teasing or even heartfelt conversation could change that fact.

"So, what are we planning for afterwards?" Luke asked, breaking the silence.

"Afterwards?" Gio gave him a side glance.

"Well, we could leave here and pay Tony a visit. He would love seeing us all dressed up." Elsie proposed.

"So, Tony's it is."

We gathered all our things, deciding to leave early. Ryker came out from a group of his friends and stopped directly in front of me.

"Are you heading out?"

"Elsie decided to go to Tony's." I explained.

"Want some company?"

"I can manage on my own." I sighed. "But I'll see you there, okay?"

"I won't be far behind you."

"Alright."

---

Tony's bar was unusually quiet for a Saturday night. With most of the college kids at the Inn for the dance, he had been left with his usual regulars and nothing more. It really was a hang out spot for the Dartmouth upper class students. When we entered his bar, Tony came around the counter and greeted us all with bear hugs and adoration. He was like the cool uncle or grandfather we all had wanted at one point in our lives.

He twirled Sarah, Elsie, and I around, giving us each our fair share of attention and complimented us on how beautiful we looked. He gave the boy's a stern warning to treat us decent, and Elsie and I giggled at the terrified expressions on their faces.

Sarah picked the far table for us to all gather around with our favorite pool table open and up for grabs. We all laughed and joked about the dance and how the formalwear was unnecessary. Elsie pouted and tried to argue.

"I love the dresses." She spoke as a matter-of-factly. "I deserve a night that feels magical every once in a while."

Even though no one could argue with her, we all continued laughing.

"Anyone want to play pool?" I suggested.

"I think we all learned our lesson last time you played pool." Ryker spoke as he approached us.

The chitter and laughter died down when the others realized he hadn't come alone. Nick Black stood next to him, but he wasn't looking at any of us. He was staring at Elsie with hungry eyes, and nature caused my defensive reflex to perk up. I watched him walk up to her, just as Ryker placed himself at my side. I couldn't hear what Nick was saying, but he leaned closer to her and whispered something to her that caused a rosy hue to spread across her nose and cheeks.

I reflexively went to pull him away and Ryker stopped me.

"Easy, now." He whispered.

"But."

"Jaylyn, it's fine." He assured me. "He likes her."

"But Luke?"

"I don't think he cares." Ryker motioned towards him.

Luke sat there, clueless and obsessed with his phone, not even paying attention to what was going on around him.

"Fine. But if he tries to hurt her. No. If he even breathes at her wrong, I'll kill him." I declared quietly.

"I would expect nothing less."

In our silent conversation, we had failed to notice the drunk man that stood behind Sarah too closely. He wasn't swaying, and still had his wits about him. His hands darted forward and grabbed Sarah by the hips, pulling her back into his chest.

"Hey!" She yelled.

"Hey, there yourself, baby." He sniffed at her hair.

"Get off of her!" Giovanni lunged forward ripping the two of them apart.

He hadn't really assessed that the man was at least three times his size and could easily put him in the ground if he wanted to. In that moment, he wanted to. He glared down at Gio, and everyone took a step back. I squeezed Elsie's hand.

"Stay back." I whispered.

The man lunged for Gio, and I reached forward to grab the back of his shirt and yanked him just out of swing.

Duty calls.

"Hey! How about you pick on someone your own size?" I quipped lazily.

Gio pulled Sarah further away preparing for what he knew was about to happen. The other stares were boring into my back, holding their breath.

"What do you know of it, you little bitch?" He scoffed. "Do you take over all of his fights? Pansy."

"Please, don't call me a bitch and go back to your business. Before I do something that you will regret in the morning." I smiled sweetly. Innocent.

"What're you going to do? Hit me? Like a bitch?"

"I warned you." I shrugged.

Like a whip, my body bent sideways, my leg sweeping forward directly into his ribcage. He cradled his side, and another kick swung for his knee. It cracked under the impact and sent him falling forward. I gripped the back of his head and slammed his face to bounce off my knee. The crunch of his nose was as clear as a victory bell, the large offender crumbling to the floor. I stood there with my hands on my hips and sighed.

"I asked politely the first time." I leaned over gently and then looked over at his friends. "I think he's done early, boys. You might want to take him home, before I feel like tearing up your faces, too."

"Yes, ma'am." They stumbled and stuttered to get the man out of the bar, but I felt satisfied with the outcome.

I wanted to throw more punches to relieve some of the pent-up frustrations from the past couple of weeks, but somehow managed to get it under control. I turned and was met with awe. The group had open mouths and wide eyes. I reached over and looked at Sarah. I used my fingertips to gently close her mouth for her.

"What? You look like a goddamn fish." I shrugged.

"What the hell was that Jay?" Elsie asked, shock still wide on her face.

"That was fucking hot, is what that was." Ryker smirked, the surprise had come and gone for him.

"I took self-defense classes as a teenager." I shrugged again. "Can we move on?"