15 Goodbyes

A-Narah was still quarantined into the back-guest house. After the visit with her mother, her maids were told to leave her and were reassigned to other places in the household. Everyone was informed that A-Narah was deadly ill. No one was allowed to visit her in fear of getting infected with the mysterious disease and having it spread.

A tray of bland food was left for her at every meal on the ground outside her door. The same with fresh water that would be used for washing and drinking. For the first time in her life A-Narah was completely alone.

A privileged daughter who had grown up with everything being done for her everyday had to take care of herself for the first time. She found it tiring to put on multiple layers of dress by herself, for most of her dresses she couldn't even get herself into, so instead only wore her inner clothes. She didn't know how to style her hair, so all she would do is brush it and let it hang long. Being alone made her begin to realize just how incompetent and complacent she had grownup to be.

Having spent a few days like this, she already felt weary.

That night, as she was about to blow out her lamp and go to bed, she heard a light tap at her window. Opening it, she found a rolled-up note.

"Prepare for tonight, back gate." Was all it said.

Tonight? It was too soon! She hadn't seen her family at all. She hadn't had the chance to see her father or her brothers, and she had been to sad and angry to give her mother a proper goodbye. She didn't want those emotionless words to be the last she ever said to her mother.

She had to see them. Just one last time, she told herself.

A-Narah began preparing. When the maids had first brought her things when she was sent to the room, her mother had also hidden in an emergency bag. Inside it were simple clothes and money. A-Narah was able to dress herself into the simple and thick, loose-fitting clothes. She tied the bag of money around her neck and tucked it under the dress, she then opened her wardrobed and grabbed her cloak.

The cloak was a dark navy blue, lined with the dark fur of northern mountain wolves. It would help her blend in better with the night. She opened the door and looked around, sensing no disturbances, she left.

She avoided lights and all of the main pathways. Having lived here her entire life she knew all the ins and outs, and where the guards would be at what times.

She stopped by her brothers' rooms first. She didn't dare to go in and disturb them. They knew nothing about what was going on, and knowing too much would just bring trouble to them. A-Narah raised her palm and placed it flat against the door. She squeezed her eyes shut and resisted the impulse to push it open. More than anything, at that moment, she wanted to see Xie's energetic face who would tell of the great adventure she would have, and Jun's patient one who would tell that everything would be okay and that someday they would meet again. Her brothers always had ways to make her feel better. They were her childhood playmates and her closets friends. In some ways leaving them was even more devastating then leaving her parents.

"Goodbye," she whispered, lingering, but it was time so then she turned and left. Nothing was left to mark her presence except for the invisible teardrops at the foot of the door.

A-Narah then headed to her father's residence, which was the closest. Once she had come of age her interactions with her father had lessened. Her most fond memories of him were from her young childhood days. In her pocket she took out a note she had hastily scribbled before leaving. Telling him that she loved him, and that she knew this was all for the best, and that she would be happy. She knew her father. Even if he never showed it, making this decision must have killed a part of his soul. And any little comfort she could give to him…was something easy for her to do. Even if she was reluctant, even if she did cast some blame onto him, he didn't need to know it.

She hadn't signed the note, in fear someone else might read it, and left it in a place he could easily find.

Lastly, she went to her mother's courtyard. It was very late by now and the people at the back gate must be wondering where she was. She went to the back of her mother's rooms and stood outside the window she had climbed out of just a few days before. Who knew how quickly your entire world could change?

The hole she had dug had been filled in and the flowers fixed. She bent down and ran her hand over the top of the dirt. She then drew out a hairpin and placed it on the flowerbed. Someone would come by and notice it, and give it to her mother thinking it was hers.

The hairpin was a gift from her 10th birthday. It wasn't expensive or anything that would be special to someone else, but mother had known that her wish had always been to see the streets of the capital so she had had a few stalls made up inside the residence and had people come to sell wares. This hairpin was the item she had bought with 'her' money. By giving it to her mother, she was telling her that she would finally have her deepest wish fulfilled.

She was reluctant to get up and go, but with little time left she turned to leave. She kept repeating to herself in her head, [Don't look back, don't look back]. Looking back would just make leaving one hundred times harder.

At the back gate there was a simple carriage and a few guards. She nodded at them and got in.