Random Story: Hello Newbie, First Time Being a God Aye?

I'm in the middle of a magnificent city. Towering buildings and floating islands are everywhere. Far away, a majestic and enormous palace dwarfs everything around it. Fearsome humanoid creatures as tall as the tower that touch the cloud can be seen guarding it like regular gatekeepers. Ancient dragons as big as mountains roaming the sky like common birds. Each of these beings emit suffocating pressure like Gods and Deities. Amidst all this, I feel as small as an ant. In my head, there is only one thought: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??!!

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"Welcome newbie. First time being a god aye? I can tell with your dumb look. Come, I will be your guide today. By the way, which section of the multiverses did you come from? Or did you come from the five main universes? Did you ascend alone or…."

"Hold on! Slow down!

First of all, where am I? Why am I here! And who the fuck are you?"

I remembered I was cultivating in my private immortal cave in order to make a break through pass the final stage. I guessed I did. Then suddenly a mysterious force teleported me here without a single warning. Afterward this blonde busty woman just started bombarding me with question.

"Oh my, look at my manner. Apologise, my name is Norla. As I said earlier, I'm a guide for newly ascended god of the Supreme Celestial Empire and you are currently at the capital of the Empire. Come come, we have a lot to do. We can talk on the way."

This woman! Can you respect other people pace? Calm down! Calm! Yes, remember Pewdipie teaching, respect women. Feww! Alright, let's think about the situation. I broke through and became a god. I guessed this was the higher realm in legend. There was already a force that control the ascend of new god. This was also understandable. Now what? Will I be force to join a faction and slowly climb up as I did previouly? Just like every other times I ascend to a new realm? Then what so different about being a god and mortal? My purpose to cultivate so hard was to avoid all this meaningless power struggle.

"We will get you register as a residence first then you can think of a guild you want to join later. Hey, you still haven't answer any of my question you know? Not even a simple greeting. Are newbies so rude nowaday? You have no respect for your senior. Not that I'm old, mind you, but....blah blah blah..."

As I thought. No, I had enough of this. As soon as I get out of here, I will find a place to hole up and continue my life as a hermit. To do that I need more information.

"What is this Supreme Celestial Empire that you speak of?"

I need to understand what kind of situation I'm in first before deciding right? Beside at least I can make this woman unceasing mouth spout out something useful. From the moment we met she haven't stop spewing nonsense.

"Oh geeze, so rude. Anyway, as its name suggests, the Empire is the biggest Celestial Empire in the multiverse. For your information, there are only 4 Celestial Empires in the entire wide multiverse, each rulling over countless universes. Each Celestial Empire have a Great Emperor as its head. Oh right, you are a newbie so I will explain to you the power system the Highest Emperor of Creation set himself."

Good, this way I can see how I can find my place in this new environment.

"There are 9 ranks. The rank between god is classified into colour- title. For example, the lowest rung is for god who haven't escaped from the influence of a world. We call them Bronze Noob. When they are strong enough and no longer rely on faith or energy a world provide, like you, then they truly become a god and become Silver Common.."

"Wait a minute, why does the ranking sound so casual?"

"His Majesty the Highest Emperor hate naming stuff."

Then don't fucking set a ranking system in the first place.

"Geeze, stop interupting me already. Anyway, from then on the ranking become really simple. Anyone strong enough to shatter a galatical standard size continent in a single strike is considered Golden Knight rank, a world is Obsidian Lord rank and a universe is White Emperor rank."

I see. It really is simple to remember

*A few second later*

"Wait, that's it? You said 9 ranks. What happened to the other 5?!"

This woman is looking at me as if I am an ignorance fool. I wanna hit her. What to do?

"Sigh, the Myriad Nobles is in fact, the champions linked directly to His Majesty the Highest Emperor's soul. There are only 142 of them. A Crimson King is someone as strong as the Obsidian Lords but have high position within the government. The title Prince and Princess are used exclusively for the Highest Emperor's offspring. Because their status is so special they have an entire rank just for themselves. And finally, The Ten Great Emperors, the strongest beings in the multiverse."

Who set up such a stupid system? And why?

"Because I'm bored."

WTF?!! A foreign voice just answered my question.

"Yeah, I also wondered the same. He made an automatic voice message to answer everytime someone ask why His Majesty created the system neither internally or say it out lound. Pretty cool right?"

How much power and knowledge needed to make something like that possible? And just to answer a fucking question!!! Even my thousands of years of experience cannot take in this absurdity.

"We can talk about The Ten Great Emperors later 'cause it's gonna take some time. In the mean time, I will explain about the Guild System."

Here we go again. I'm sure it's just about the power conflict between diiferent factions.

"The Empire have few jobs compare to the mortal worlds. You either work in the military, the government, or the judicinary. The rest are non-essential for Gods. So in order to stop bored Gods from messing up stuff, His Majesty issued the Guild System so that they have something to do. You can choose to apply for a job within the Empire or join a Guild or do nothing at all. You are free to do anything you like as long as it does not break any law"

"What? Can it be so good? Won't there be any polictic involved?"

"Please, such thing is only for mortal. Just think about it. A god can have anything he wants. His Majesty decide how much political power an individual can wield. No one can go agaisnt his absolute authority and no one escapes the law. What's the point of power when it only bring you more work with no benefit whatsoever. You can't even do anything bad with it. That's why not many people want to work in the government. Only his most loyal subordinates choose to do so. The rest just join a guild for fun. It's boring to live forever you know? Messing with mortal becomes lame after awhile. Beside, people can't just casually commit a genocide just for fun. The judges will hunt them down till the end of time if they do. And trust me, it won't take that long."

*Gulp* So this is the true realm of god? Has my wish of becoming an ultimate hermit *cough cough* I mean peace and order finally come true?

"Can you tell me more about the guilds?"

"Oh finally some interest aye? I get ya bud. There are countless guilds across the Empire. However, the largest guilds are located in this capital plannet. The most prominent one is the Advanture Guild. The name is pretty obvious. They basically do odd job. This guild is further divide into three branches: the normal Advanture Guild, the Gentlemen Alliance, and the Real Gentlemen Alliance."

"Eh? Why are the names so weird?"

"Well, acording to a certain group of people, gentlemen is a synonym of pervert. As the name suggest, the Gentlemen Alliance is a bunch of perverts flock together. This branch originally found by a certain crazy lich nickname "King of Gentlemen". Later it became so big that the founder had try every method in his devious scheming skull to supress them to but no avail. Then he formed another group whose main targets are real gentlemen but instead attracted another bunch of OCD perverts. Thus, if you don't have OCD or some strange fetish, I suggest you stay as far away from these two branches as possible."

"..."

"Another big guild is the "Heaven Exploding Faction". The founder claim to be an Act Tough King but we call him the Thousand Faces Evil. He do everything under the sun to act tough. He causes so much havoc that he was banned from every public activities big and small. That doesn't even border him since he somehow always find his way to sneak in. It's alright though 'cause the guild doesn't follow his action. In fact, it is a gathering place of all the pyromaniacs and explosion maniacs in the multiverse. By the way, they don't have a guild HQ. They burned it to the ground long ago. Now, they are only allowed to hold a meeting in the desert where they can't explode or burn anything of value. Still, any big gathering have to have people of the Fire Department and Anti-terrosimn Department on standby all the time. Unfortuanely, Princess Anna and Baroness Jinx are its honorary member so the higher up can do nothing about it. Once, the Highest Emperor wanted to disband it but Princess Anna threatened to burn his favourite game collection if he did. So he dropped the idea."

"..." At this point, the amount of grass mud horses has already passed the milions.

"Moving on, the Warrior Association is found by Great Scarlet Emperor. It is a big arena for anyone to have a go at each other. Not much to discuss about it beside the amount of battle maniacs gather there. It's also a great for entertainment and gambling. Every second of everyday, there's a fight happening. Sometimes, figures at the monarch level also go there to release some stress."

This is not bad, at least compare to the previous two.

"Oh, I forgot to mention there are alot of Sadists and Masochists from the Gentlemen Alliance so be careful."

Oh for fuck sake.

"Next, the Skycloud Institute."

Oh, cool name, maybe finally a normal guild?

"It's a den of mad scientists. As their thoughts are always on cloud nine, the name is pretty apt. Of course, their inventions is as bizarre as you would expect so if you are really interest in science and magic you should just apply for the Empire Research Center. Sometimes, some potential inventions can be found there, and potential means they would not have any major side effect or explode upon contact. Check at least 20 times when you decided to test their product, in case of Gnome constructs, 50 times just to be sure. And make sure you have a full-fledged emergency medic team on sight"

*cough blood*

"Is there any normal guild that I can join?"

"Uhm, let me think. You asked a tough question there"

So normality is a rarity? Is it too late to run? I haven't register yet, it should be fine right?

"Ah, I got it. Her Highness Princess Nami fanclub is the tamest one out of the bunch. They never cause any trouble or randomly set stuff on fire. They don't even require operation fee. As long as they don't meet Her Highness that is. Have I mention they are a smaller branch of the Gentlemen Alliance- the Loli Justice League?"

I should stick to being a hermit. This Empire is just ridiculous.

"Welcome to my life mate"

It's that voice again!!