1 Darkness in panmalco

It took me almost a while to understand that darkness might just a little bit around me. I was oblivious to that.i would wind a lot of things to the idea that some people are not meant to get things. And the Panmalco is better off that way.

Honestly, I'm oblivious to a lot of things because I can't bear to notice them. I don't want to know the perfume you are wearing, or the color of shirt you liked in the mall we just passed by.my theory is ;if you don't notice things, about them they don't have to notice things about you. that was defense mechanism.

but my friend can afford that luxury; she is a pretty girl in a messed up world. I'm a messed up girl in a pretty world.

I discovered some tricks on how to stop noticing a lot of things, it was a very simple trick that I discovered on my own when my parents left me to travel around the continent. It was like a magic pill that took all my worries away.something that numbed my mind. Cause my mind kept roaming

It fulfilled all I wanted at once, the confidence I needed, the cool, the ability to be the funny one .the quiet I so desperately needed .

I was born with two genders, yes! I was a freak at birth.

I was the first of my kind in almost three hundred years, a two gendered baby.

It was also one of the rarest things that could happen after the human race cracked mortality, and put an end to any thing unnatural .

Panmalco was the ultimate universe, with modified human beings, technology beyond old comprehension, advanced health care, education and yes no deaths. Except you wanted to die yourself , then there was a pill for that. In fact there was pill for everything in panmalco. If you want to numb yourself , take the red pill, if you wanted to grow taller or shorter, or fatter or slimmer take the damn pills. That was practically the only answer you could get from your parents.

Since the government had decided it would better equate Panmalco if I was a female child , my parents took their hermaphrodite child and made it into a girl.

The thing is my father liked my mom. he did. And my mother liked the fact that someone liked her. Because her birth father , Ildefonso was a disciplined zillion that believe in the government and everything they believed . So naturally, she had grown up with the fear that if she deviated from Palmaco strict laws , she would find one of them black pills in the back of her throats . That is why she couldn't have a boy even if she desperately wanted one. One that she could teach how to be different from her father.

On the other hand, My friend Ana is a firm believer of love even if she has not found any, how can she when we live in a world where love is the rearest of things, Asexuals are on the rise and the new rising cult; the mono's has taken all the cisgender males in Palmaco. my sister Julia is so obsessed with her boyfriend of three years, she hardly functions without him. I could understand that but the whole equation is a polyamorous relationship. This has to be the hardest relationship situation I've ever had to explain.

well, I'm in love with the weed I smoke and the books I write, in no particular Oder.

How long has it been since my last breakup again? Three years, four I don't know.

I've never been one for numbers.

But the point exactly is that I met someone. And he is perfect, not perfect like he is my spec and all. But he made me feel like I was high and I was sober that day.

"Coffee. Do you want coffee or ice tea?" the customers are staring at me once again like I'm an alien, they are probably wondering how someone could be so ugly. I think about it myself. But I'm too happy too be worried, I'm past this phase.

That's why I get high. When I do, I don't realize anyone is looking. or when I look at the mirror, I don't see myself again.

"Emmm ice tea," she says after assuring herself that she doesn't look as bad as she thinks she is. I like the fact that I help people. I make them beautiful by comparison.so I don't think I'm a waste of space. I'm helpful!

Take that mom!

Back to the reason why all this started. Layne chesterfield. The one and only. I'm not one to blush, but...

" Can I get a mocha without milk, slim" the girl the regular customer came in with chimes? I'm forced to stare at her. she has the dumb blonde look on lock, and she is on the bench between basic and bitch.I'm happy she feels safe because she turns away from me and smiles.

" is that all?" I say. taking this all on my notepad.

"What else do you have," the basic blonde says. And I almost shriek at how loud her voice had gotten.

" We have pastries, pies..." I'm interrupted how quiet the table had gotten .they are starting at me as if I had just mentioned shit. oh, they are really basic.

"And veggie salad"

Regular eyes me and turns to blondie.

" the salad above. And no mayo" I pretend to write it down like I'm surprised.

So I'm walking back to the counter ready to give their orders to go and I hear them snicker.

Good thing you're having fun, basics.

Back to my point.in all my years of being ugly I've finally seen someone that might just be too good to be true. For example how do you find someone who is both charming and beautiful, smokes weed and is rumoured to be the best kisser on the planet interested in you.

Anna finally calls back.