Sweetdreamer20
Shameless author here reviewing her own work 😁😁 so I'm going to give this novel a 5 star, I've spent quality time in plotting the chapter's and building the characters, This is one of my best and favorite novel to write and I'm enjoying writting ever chapter, so to all my lovely readers a big thanks for giving my novel a chance and for those who haven't started to read it as yet please do check it out!!! You won't regret or waste your time.
I LOVE THIS...I love the ideas made into it...I loveeeee the transformations you have and I love the story behind it.....Everything good just punctuation work but this is sooo good............................... LOOOK THIS IS A ONE OF A KIND STORY it just gives me a big A** smirk. I just love it. This story needs more love
After reading the first three chapters, I immediately loved the plot, the characters, and where the storyline is going. I did have some difficulty understanding some parts. They were kinda confusing, but overall you did an amazing job! I really love this book!! The only thing I would have to say is maybe edit, and if you need some help I will volunteer! Other than that keep up the good work!
Okay I am legit loving this story so far. Added it to my library. First of all, the synopsis wasn't that eye catching imo but as soon as I turned the first page, just the first line alone was enough to captivate me. This story has tremendous potential. Good descriptions, good development and good world background. I however found a small issue with the grammar. At first I wasn't going to mark you down for it because it was minor, but I kept seeing the same mistakes reoccurring further down the chapters. Like; capitalization and the incorrect tense being used in dialogue. 4.8 from me, just fix those small issues and you're good to go. Keep at it author and don't give up, this book has a lot of potential!
It is an interesting plot and relatively refreshing, you make it feel immersive, and like the scene is happening in the present moment. The main character has a peculiar personality and that's very good. However, there are many mistakes you've done that you need to work on. The major flaw is in your grammar. The way you switch grammatical tenses makes it tedious to read at. Stick with only one. The lack of commas is another problem. If I was reading it out loud I'd be out of air before I finished reading most sentences. Sometimes you miss quotation marks, and you put two different dialogues in the same paragraph. Fix this. You lack a variety of words. That's not necessarily a problem, but if you're going to put "I watched" three times in the same paragraph, the result is going to be tiresome and dull. Use different words or try to express it in another way. You often use double negatives. It's alright if you put in inside dialogues, as some people indeed talk like that. But don't abuse it. The less the better. Otherwise, your story has a good, interesting plot and flows in a good direction. But you need to fix these mistakes and try to not commit them again. Keep working on it.
Not the type of story I would usually read, but I have to say this one is done particularly well, the first chapter alone gets your attention, in a quick and fast way that before I knew it, I was already at the latest chapter. All thanks to a great setting, plot and of course characters (specially the MFL) that are the heart of this story. All in all this is a good story that you won't regret reading, just give it a chance it's worth it.
What an intense first paragraph. Go, go Israel! I'd like you to pay attention to the tenses a bit more, as there are quite many mix ups. It doesn't affect readability that much tho. I feel that "Third person narrative" @ Ch5 could have been handled differently. Perhaps you could have kept Israel's perspective but still give readers the same information. ex) "Had I the all-knowing and all-seeing power, I would have known Blake was watching me. I would have also known that he made a phone call" or something like that.