10 Morning Blues (2)
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In his first life, war had always been present from the moment that he can remember.
Even though his father, Aeneas, tried to be there in his children's lives, the war against the Empire had often demanded his attention, which left Hadrian and Astraea mostly on their own and with their respective attendants to take care of them as they grew older in time.
After his mother, Reina de Lucis Caelum (may the astrals bless her soul), had passed away, his father always had a solemn expression on his face that never seems to fade.
The only few times that Hadrian had seen him smile was when he was around him and Astraea. And, it had been upsetting for Hadrian to witness his father confess about feeling guilty for not spending more of his time with him and Astraea before he passed away on his deathbed.
Even so, Hadrian did not blamed his father for his choices, for he had been in his place.
Choosing to spend his attention on the efforts against the Empire's forces was more important, not only because it can keep the kingdom safe, but also his children as well.
If Lucis is safe, then so does his loved ones. That was what his father must be thinking of during those times, Hadrian guessed.
And, in all honesty, it was what Hadrian had thought about in his last moments as well.
Hadrian knew how the others saw him in his first life.
How can he not be aware of it, when one of his abilities as a Lucis Caelum allows him to feel other people's emotions?
After his success in collecting all of the royal weapons and augmenting the powers of the Ring of Lucii, Hadrian had awakened several abilities that originated from the royal bloodline.
One of them in particular was the ability to sense the target's emotions, no matter the race, and as long as they are sentient and a living creature.
When Hadrian told his opa about it (and not about its origin), the cheeky old man had officially christened it as the 'Empathy'.
Much to his annoyance, the old man even gave it an alternative name, such as 'Clairsentience'.
The look that Hadrian gave him that day can make a man wither, but the old man merely grinned at him, obviously unrepentant.
Ignoring the old man's antics that time, the only limitations they found in the ability was the distance and the guessing game.
First, Hadrian had to be nearby to sense the target's feelings and emotions. And second, he had to learn how to separate the two, and remember which one was which.
Fortunately, with the help of the Moon Cell, the limitations had been rendered inert.
With the Moon Cell, Hadrian can sense the target's emotions and feelings no matter the distance and how much time has passed, and can be aware of what the target is feeling via the notifications that the Moon Cell sends in his mind.
Not only that, the mechanics of his 'upgraded' ability would be similar to modern video games with crime investigations. The Moon Cell provides him a perfect visual of the scene in his mindscape, and it gives him the option to 'see' things that happened in the past.
It also points him to key information that are related to the things that he wants to find.
But, in his first life, Hadrian did not have the Moon Cell to help him discern the emotions and feelings. Thus, he had to literally learn and cope in dealing with its effect on his own.
Not even his retainers were aware of this ability. Not that he didn't want to tell them, but because he feels that there was no need for him to do so. Also, he thought that it might make them worry for him even more if he did tell them about it. Having them worry over his health had already been enough, there was just no reason for him to add another on top of it.
As for their views, Hadrian was perfectly aware of how others sees him.
Hadrian closed his eyes, recalling certain memories of his first life.
There were a lot of various emotions that he felt from all the people he encountered, but most prominent one of them all was their love for him, which came mostly from the masses of Lucis, his friends and his only remaining family, Astraea.
That was why, Hadrian did not hesitated in sacrificing most of his time for the betterment of the kingdom.
In fact, he would not even think twice of going through all of that again for the second time around, if it was to make sure to keep the kingdom and his loved ones safe.
The only different choice that he will make would be to ensure that he survives the last battle and put a swift but painful end to that vile Emperor.
Hadrian frowned, feeling sour at the thought of his most hated enemy.
So many lives had been lost because of the scoundrel, and Hadrian had hoped that he had been the one to end the fool, preferably by gutting the imbecile and severing his head off.
'Hmm… maybe I should pay a visit in the future.' Hadrian mused. 'That is, if I can learn opa's True Magic to make it in time…'
Feeling anger rising up in his chest, Hadrian took a deep breath to calm himself down, counting from one to ten in his mind.
Still, even if he wanted to return to that time, Hadrian had already decided to let go and move on with his life.
During his time in the Holy Grail War, Hadrian had been through quite a lot of ups and downs.
The confusion, the helplessness, the handicaps of his temporary amnesia, his reason for joining the war, his guilt for surviving at the expense of defeating his enemies, and more.
Unlike his first taste of what war was like in his first life, the one that he experienced in this world had given him a long lasting impression that Hadrian knew would never go away.
His opponents made various impressions upon him in their own unique ways.
Speaking and fighting against Dan Blackmore made him question his resolve. Alice made him think of his morals. Even fighting Shinji Matou made him more determined to survive in the war.
Although, Hadrian supposed that it was more in the influence of his Servant, Francis Drake, who did the influencing and not Shinji. Funny dude he may be, Shinji was kind of an asshole during their time in the war, but even he didn't deserved to die like that.
In his defense though, everyone in the war was determined to win the grail for their own sake, and Shinji was simply unprepared and lacked the resolve to win the battle.
As sour the truth may be, but it is the truth nonetheless.
'Survival of the fittest...' Hadrian mused, weary by the thought.
When Hadrian claimed the Moon Cell and made his wish, he felt relieved, guilty and hollow.
He felt relieved because the war was finally over. There would be no more people dying and his father's sacrifice did not go to waste. His late father, Arin, was part of the reason why he volunteered to participate and end the war, after all.
Hence, he felt gladdened that he had finished what his father had intended to do.
By winning the war, Hadrian felt that his father can rest at ease now, wherever he may be.
On the other hand, he also felt guilty and hollow.
Guilt because he had been the only one to actually win the war. The participants in his generation had not been the only ones to join the event. There had been countless of others in the past, and many of them had died, even the ones who survived in the end.
In some self-depreciating aspect, Hadrian felt that he was stepping on the countless bodies of the defeated participants when he got closer to the Holy Grail and made his wish, including the ones that earned the right to have, like his father.
His opa told him that he was experiencing a mental condition known as the 'Survivor's Guilt', due to the brutal events of the war, which was something to be expected.
Hadrian can only agree, seeing as most of his thoughts after he returned home often leads back to the war and the numerous questions of 'what-ifs' in his head.
However, Arturia and the others told him that while it was expected, it would be better for him not to dwell too deeply about it.
While the war had been brutal and cruel, they advised Hadrian that he should not let his guilt for surviving the event become something to be ashamed of, and to not let it affect him too much.
All participants had joined the war for their own reasons, and while they did not survived, Hadrian is not the one to be blamed for their deaths
The rules of the war had been simple: win and you survive, lose and you die.
Inside though, Hadrian agrees, but he still felt responsible for the ones that was his fault, such as the deaths of the others who faced him in the war.
But, it was an opinion that he kept to himself. It was better that way, or else, the others would scold him for thinking of such things and being stubborn about the subject.
If anything, Rin and the others all pointed the blame on the leech of an apparition with questionable sanity, who lurked behind the Moon Cell, for every incidents related to the alien artifact.
'Like a creep…' Hadrian scowled, arms crossed over his chest.
Twice H. Pieceman. That was the name of that imbecile.
There were no words, no simple words to describe what kind of impression that guy had left upon Hadrian. If he were to put it in one word, Hadrian would choose 'complicated', and that was just putting it nicely.
The infamous phrase of 'do not judge a book by its cover' applies well to that imbecile.
His appearance was that of an average-looking man in his late 20's, with short black hair and gray eyes that was covered by his black framed glasses. He wore a doctor's uniform with a black collar, a white shirt with long-sleeves and a black, gray and light blue tie. He also wore a gray sweater vest, a white lab coat, a pair of black gloves, black pants with gray lines, and black shoes.
But, what stood out the most about him was the utterly blank expression on his face, and the eerie aura of 'nothingness' that covered his form like a blanket.
At first sight, Hadrian knew that the man was dead on the inside, and he also knew that trying to reason with the imbecile would simply get him nowhere.
Furthermore, it was already quite suspicious when Hadrian and the others found Twice alone in the area where the Moon Cell Automaton was located.
The leech had greeted them when Hadrian, Arturia, Rin and Rani arrived in that place, as if there was nothing wrong.
Despite not knowing much about how the war works, even Hadrian knew that there should not be anyone in the Core's area but the winner of the event, which can only be him in that case.
His former mentor, Lord El-Melloi II, had warned him about someone in the Moon before he left the Earth. He remembered being told that that person was the one he should watch out for.
Then, when Arturia informed him that she felt the presence of Servant nearby, Hadrian knew that he found the person who his former mentor had told him about.
Eventually, his thoughts were proven to be correct when the leech started to manipulate him, asking him to make a wish to the Grail for the perpetuation of the war and the continued advance of man in his stead, leaving Hadrian with no other options to choose from but the single one Twice had pushed in front of him.
Based on his experience with psychopaths (like that certain ever loathsome Emperor), Hadrian was well-aware that trying to go circles with him would just be a waste of his time.
Sure, Hadrian can empathize with what the leech was trying to say. The 'Prince' even understood what the madman was trying to get at.
It goes along the lines of…
'By letting the war continue perpetually, mankind will be stronger and the weak shall be weeded out. Many people will die and the earth might be next, but that's okay. Survival of the fittest is the newest trend, don't you agree?'
… was basically what the madman was trying to say.
Granted, the fool had not stated the words that way, but the meaning behind it remains all the same.
But, Hadrian found himself to care less of what kind of idiotic shit that that leech was saying.
So, without a word, Hadrian simply ignored whatever nonsense that madman was spouting and attacked him where he stood.
Considering as the Moon Cell deemed the leech as an 'invalid data', Hadrian figured that it would not really matter much if he killed the madman on the spot.
Besides, it saved him the trouble of letting the situation dissolved into a battle between their Servants, so Hadrian merely skipped the traditions and put the leech out of his misery.
Arturia knew about his past life via the dream cycle, while both Rin and Rani knew that he was not an ordinary Magus based on the background information they had about him.
While they had been surprised by his action, the three could hardly scold him for it, seeing as they are well aware of his views about the Holy Grail War.
Watching Twice literally confessed his crimes in front them, and to actually have the gall to try and manipulate him, was the final nail to the coffin that was Hadrian's patience.
With a quiet teleportation, Hadrian had lessened the distance between them in a split second and he landed right behind the fool, who was unaware of what he had brought upon himself.
Before Twice's servant became aware of his presence, Hadrian already had one of his Mystic Codes (which is a silver metal construct in the form of a gun), Silver Trident, gripped in his right hand, and he aimed it right in the center of that fool's heart from behind.
The roaring scream that tore out of the leech's mouth would had been satisfying to hear, if not for the fact that Hadrian was too angry to care or noticed his pain.
The fool's servant, Saver, had tried to interfere, but it was already too late for him to save his Master.
With no mercy for the leech, Hadrian pulled the trigger of Silver Trident again, casting a quick spell that multiplied the fool's suffering a thousand times than it originally was, and Twice screamed his heart out that one would assume that he had gone insane from the pain.
Twice's earsplitting cries echoed in the vast area of the Moon Cell that day, and Hadrian can still remember the sounds as if it had happened yesterday.
In that moment, Hadrian truly wanted to make the fool suffer for what he had done to the world.
He did not care whether the man had been good once, or the good deeds that he did in life.
What he understood about Twice was that he gave up on humanity, turned back on his beliefs and was the source for the great internal strife that caused a lot of innocent people to die all over the world, including his father, Arin.
By letting the fool drown in his pain till it stayed within his soul, Hadrian made sure that he suffered before pulling on the trigger again and, finally, killing him off with a spell that he imbued with the magical energy of a True Magic.
The 'Disintegration' spell, one of the spells within Hadrian's brand of Magecraft.
The spell was purposely made to 'destroy' all things in its path. With it, Hadrian can decompose a target by dissolving their entire structure at a molecular level in a single cast.
He designed the spell to be quite versatile as well, as it provides him with various selection of which part that he can disintegrate. It can be the whole structure, or simply some part of it. It can also be used against an object, an area, and even an enemy's attack, kinetic energy or magical.
In Twice's case, Hadrian had disintegrated some nerves of the fool's heart, which seemed to shock the leech based on his expression before the pain took over and he was forced to kneel on the floor.
Arturia had also stepped in and protected him by intercepting Saver's attack before it could reached him and keeping the latter at bay with Rin and Rani's help, while Hadrian killed off Twice.
Even to this day, Hadrian recalled the feeling of cold anger that seethed quietly in his heart when he watched the fool's body dissolved into little particles of light.
Hadrian did not even noticed that Saver and Arturia had stopped fighting once Twice disappeared from the Moon Cell for good, seeing as it would brought Saver nothing to gain because his Master was already dead.
He didn't even noticed that Saver had faded away and left them with parting words related to Twice.
When he did finally noticed the situation, it was when Arturia held his hand and covered it with her own.
Hadrian smiled, feeling the warmth in his heart as he remembered that particular memory.
From the moment that he summoned her, Arturia had always been there for him.
It would not even be a stretch to say that he owed his life to her that day, due to the numerous times that she managed to save his life during the war. Their time together on the Moon was something that he will never nor want to forget, including the bad times.
Which was why it did not surprised him at all that she made the cold anger in his chest fade away with a mere touch of her hands.
Having dreamt of her past, Hadrian understood Arturia greatly as she did with him. It had been quite a shock to know that her past was almost the same as his, and it scared him that he would have had turned exactly similar in her position had their positions been reverse.
Arturia though, looked a bit wistful yet proud when she saw his past after he explained it to her.
She was sad to see how his first life had become and his sacrifice at the end, but she looked a bit envious of his choice in remaining as himself and keeping his emotions instead of suppressing them like she had 'foolishly done', as she put it.
Then, she looked proud of what he had accomplished for his kingdom, and for being his Servant.
She also told him that she felt glad and thankful that she met him.
Although amused by her words and the adorable expression on her face, Hadrian corrected her that he should be the one saying that to her.
Looking back on it, Hadrian deemed their story in the war as a black comedy, really.
The two of them had been cut from the same cloth, so similar yet different at the same time.
They were born with similar circumstances: born in a time of war, both of their parents were dead before they got old enough, ascended to kingship at an early age, almost similar in personality, went on a journey to get stronger, and among other things.
Fate had threw a wrench at their lives when the only way for them to meet each other was through a war that was not like any other.
Funnily enough, the two of them despised war. So, for them to meet in one and have positive memories of it, Hadrian found that to be the most irony on a different scale.
Feeling that familiar tapping on his lap, Hadrian was broken out of his musings as he opened his eyes in surprise and looked down.
It was Fou, who was looking up at him with her head titled slightly.
"Kyufou?"
Through the link of their bond, Hadrian can easily feel her concern for him, causing him to smile and pat her on the head as thanks before he settled her down on the covers.
Happy to help him out of his funk, Fou trotted over to Arturia and curled up beside her to sleep.
With one last look at Arturia's peaceful expression, Hadrian slowly rose from the bed, making sure not to make strong movements that would her wake up.
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