I was breathing heavy, panting, as he ran his slick teeth down the base of my neck. The blindfold around my eyes made the sensation feel different this time, more sensitive, I was feeling dominated over by this dark man. I let out a sound not meaning to, it was small as I tried to hold myself back. Feeling it more and more the more he took off my clothes, maybe not seeing made me more sensitive or maybe I was always like this. How I ended up in this submissive position trying not to be embarrassed by his touches is what I should tell you about first.
Let's start off with 'that' morning, it was the same as always. A cold breezy day around the beginning of fall, I stood at my local library on the outskirts of the city I lived in. Returning some books I had borrowed a few weeks before. Everything was slow and quiet, a little gray if I could say. Did you know that feeling? The feeling to be grey? Where nothing is happening, where everything is moving slow and everything is clear. There's no feelings at all, it's just quiet and grey as it always is in my town, I had lived it. Cars went by of course but even if they were loud and honking it was still grey.
To my mother I had reminded her of something called a Sparrow. She liked to bird watch and liked how birds were. She had said even as a kid I was always calm and quiet, nothing had changed even though I was already an adult. 22, nothing special to be excited about. My life as a writer was still as always, grey... That was until I met the Pitohui.
Pitohuis are a type of bird that are dark and venomous. They could even be considered to be dangerous type of bird, unpredictable and wicked. A completely different type of thing then a sparrow but they were both still linked, they were both still birds. I loved to read romance books, I picked up a random one from one of my favorite authors and started reading it looking around this same library I had always came to. It was huge and wasn't that far from my apartment. I usually would read and write with most of my time but I had gotten stuck recently. Something I feel every great reader has experienced from one time or another, just stuck on what to write next or what to make next.
I was stressed about the writing problem I had ran into but then I stepped into that library and it was all gone. I had pushed my glasses that may or may not be actually too big for my eyes onto my nose. They were round and had little gold rings that held the lens. They were the best. I stepped in and all my worries were gone, like all the blank noises from before were gone. That grey feeling that no one could understand unless they had a feel for it themselves was also gone. That fear and worry I had about my writing was gone. I only took a few steps into a new place and it was different. I smiled and what felt like for the first time in forever I was looking up. The old library lady smiled at me with her small and fragile figure, her back was a little hunched but she was the sweetest old woman you could ever talk to. I knew if I was ever down or something was wrong she could tell and would say or do anything to make you feel better. She smiled sweetly at me before asking, "Already done?" She had meant with the books I had taken before. I blushed a little before putting my hand on the back of my neck. "What can I say.. I needed something to do."
I walked to her and reached into my bag, I grabbed the library book I had gotten from before and gave it to her to scan. She put it in a cart next to her and followed me to look for my next adventure. "You know I'm a huge bookworm. I like books and writing to death." She giggled at me, a sweet laugh. "I know dear.. I am a bookworm too but of course we already know these things about each other. So what's the matter?" I tilted my head and raised my eyebrow on command as she asked me. I was still looking at the bookshelf, "You think somethings wrong?"
"Of course. Your brows were furrowed when you were walking in." I guess I did it sometimes when I wasn't noticing. It wasn't something I did a lot, ok? We heard the bell ring for the door and the old lady started walking away as I took a book off the shelf. I looked her way when she mentioned "Hold that thought. We can talk when you ring that book up for yourself."
Her comment made me scoff and smile. She was such a goofy old woman, I loved her like she was my own family. This lady and I were so close because she was the person I went to for books and also because I used to work in this same exact brown library with its fuzzy carpeted floors. She used to be my boss and we were super close but that's when I was a teenager, now I was an adult. I couldn't rely on her anymore, I had to be an adult and go for a new job. I started becoming a writer, I made a few books and made a decent wage but nothing that was crazy. I lived in my own apartment with my cat Gizmo and my dog Bronzo.
Gizmo was a large calico who enjoyed her life calmly while Bronzo was equally as calm and collected. He was a huge german shepherd husky dog that took care of me. He was trained promptly and took care of me when needed, him and Gizmo were really my only friends other than Kim, that's the library lady I keep mentioning. My ex boss, my mom, and my pets, a sad yet cheerful life but there was still something missing. It's not like I didn't have everything I could want and it's also not like everything was going great for me but there was something still missing in my life, a passion of some sort. Of course my whole life everyone could tell that being a writer was my passion but this was a different feeling. A very lonely feeling at night when only a cat would rub against you out on a balcony looking at the moon for answers.
Sitting in a comfy chair I had bought before when I moved in, this chunky calico rubbing against my leg looking for love when all I can do is stare at the sky. Again, peaceful but also grey. It was good but wasn't, after sitting I'd go into my room connecting with my balcony to see my large dog already asleep in bed. I couldn't help but crack a smile as I'd rest myself and my calico would sleep on a nearby chair. Things were good like this I guess, that was until I had seen him.
I got lost in my own head again thinking about the night before but when I looked from outside the shelf of the library I had seen a large man returning a book. From behind he had looked scary, towards Kim she was very timid, like he was a lion about to eat her. I had the book in my hand that I grabbed off the shelf from before. My eyes were huge and firm on his back as he was returning his book. All of a sudden I was looking down feeling the book I picked up just fall out of my head, I bent down to pick it up. Crouched down on my knees I picked it up but when I did there was another hand that had met mine. I looked up at the huge man that had tried to help me. His hand touching mine as my eyes were locked onto his I just stared. I couldn't think of anything else but his dark caramel eyes, breathless.
I took a shaky bracelet as we both stood up again just as it was before but this time he was staring at me and not Kim. From before I couldn't see much from his hoodie being up but from this close up I could see every detail. His dark eyes and black slick but roughed up hair, it was wavy length. His also nicely tanned skin, not mixed or anything but tanned a little, it didn't look too bad on him. He was beautiful, handsome, charming, however you want to say it, that was him. He was breathless and I bet he knew it. His rugged face slipped into a small but grateful face, I couldn't help but smirk myself. He was a lot taller than me, maybe around a foot, and had broader shoulders too. He laughed at me losing eye contact, "The Pitohui and The Sparrow..?" I blushed looking down at the book then back at him. "It's not a bad book to read!" I pouted a little. Had I always acted this way? I usually didn't overreact over a stranger's comments, weird of me. There was a pause between us, "I just came to tell you I like the bracelet." I again looked at my hand that was holding the book. I turned my hand admiring my jeweled heart bracelet on my wrist. I looked up at him sighing. I think I started smiling again without even noticing because my response, a quirky "Thanks…"
After that I bit my lip a little and went around him towards Kim to check out my book. He had looked back as I was walking away putting his hand on the back of his neck. Was he biting his lip? I didn't know what kind of expression he was making, I didn't want to look back. I looked a little downwards at Kim and gave her my book. She smiled and raised her eyebrow at me as she checked me out. "What?" I didn't know what expression I was making but she closed her eyes and smiled handing me the book. "You know you should go home and look at the same expression you're showing me and write about that. It's impressive, he comes here every Tuesday and Thursdays dear. Have fun." She handed me the book and I couldn't say anything. I walked out and put the book in my bag at my hip. Both of my hands had hit my face, it was hot. What was this feeling again? I was really confused and looked up at the sidewalk, I haven't had this feeling for a while. Everything had color! It wasn't grey anymore. My heart seemed so full, Was I running? I was! I was sprinting to my apartment the next second.
When I got there I had closed the door leaning against it, my face was hot as I bit my lip. My bag hit the floor next to me as I sank down, what was going on with me? Why was I running? Why were there so many colors? I was questioning lots of things when I remembered what Kim had told me. I got up slowly using my own knee for support. I went to my bathroom and flicked on the light. I looked into the mirror at myself and there I was. My face was flushed with a vibrant red, my eyes were dilated. I looked different. The rosy color on my face, on my ivory skin. It was different than what I had usually seen. My eyes looked bigger, there was more detail now. I quickly stripped and jumped into the shower next to myself washing my face and my hair, the romantic scent of my shampoo filled the hair as the steam washed everything away. When I got out, I pulled a towel from a basket nearby, looking in the mirror again at myself. I was back to my normal self. My eyes were more so slightly closed and my face was just back to an ivory color. The world from outside the bathroom looked a little grey again. My emotions were back in check but at the library… What was that?