1 THE PAIN OF DEATH

Why is death giving us pain?

I was curious from my childhood when I watched someone crying, looking at the dead body of the person.

Why she would cry if we were born is sure that one day we will die. That is common, that was on my mind until I experienced something. "The pain of death."

I was happy in my life, laughing, smiling, these two things were on my face every time. People were jealous of my smiling face. And they all envy me for being happy all the time.

I accidentally meted a person who was just my carbon copy; the only difference is we both are of the opposite gender. I got too attached to him, and he got too attached to me. Every vacation, I waited for him in front of my gate without blinking my eyes. The year will be like hell until the day he comes. Our intimacy was on a maximum level that we can't separate for a minute, but we are not lovers, not brother and sister, not even friends. There is no word in the world to represent us. We are related by pain.

It's true that for every smiling face, there is a hidden pain. For my case and his case, it's true. We wear a smile to hide the pain. But what the common thing is, the two smiley faces can't hide the pain for long. We both couldn't hide our pains for long. Finally, it explodes. After many years, finally, we shared our pain; it's coincident or not, we two have the same pain. The pain of loneliness, the pain of regret born in the world, the pain of making others hurt, the pain of being chosen, the pain of reason for everything, and pain of pain.

How small the world is, two smiley people sharing the same pain, ain't it funny?

We just laughed together, talking about our pain. We both didn't hide the pain, just cried louder in the darkness holding each other's hand.

When he said he would take my pain, I don't understand how he can. How it is possible to take someone's pain. I just giggled in front of him.

"If someone can take someone's pain, then there is no pain in the world; it's not possible." I said to him and just looked at his eyes.

He smiled, looking at me.

"If you reject my offer, you will regret your entire life. Think for one day and give me an answer tomorrow." He just walked away from the roof room. I just sat there looking at the moon.

I did not sleep that night; I think again and again, "how is it possible to take someone's pain?"

When I open my eyes, I can't see the world; I just feel blind everything is just dark. I just want to scream louder, but I realized my voice also vanished, and I just can't hear my breathing, my ear; what is happening all around me? I want to stand up, but I can't; my body is not lifting. My hand, my feet, nothing is moving. Even my tears were not falling down.

What was it that just lasted for a few minutes?

I don't understand what happened to me. I just stood up in anxiety and looked around; I can see the world; it's not dark. I tried to scream as the louder sound touched the ceiling; it projected to my ear. I jumped and looked at my hand; everything was perfect; nothing happened. I want to see him as soon as possible; I ran to the roof room where we usually meet. He was not there. I looked around; he was not there. But I saw lots of people on the road; it seems something unusual happened. I ran outside to open my gate, and everyone was looking at me with a surprised look. I become pale to see that my heart is beating fast; I fear to move.

Suddenly I saw the white cloth everywhere...

I regret that day. If I allow him to take my pain and say back to him, I will take your pain, maybe he is still with me. I regret not stopping him; I regret the pain.

The day I understand what the pain of death might be like. The thing I experienced was the pain of death. The pain of death is like the pain of being blind, the pain of being mute, the pain of being deaf, and the pain of being paralyzed. The pain of death I experienced in my life for the first time. It's been lots of years still since the pain of death there.

I remembered there was a time when I waited for someone special to come on vacation and waited for that only one person for the entire night. Just don't want to believe that person is too far away and there only can reach after death. Still, I want to wait for him standing in front of the gate looking at the empty road, in the hope one day I can meet him again and just cry louder looking at his eyes that missed you lots. I regret being in the pain of death. I just don't want to believe that I'm in the pain of death.

"The pain of death"

---------------Author Jo.

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I realized how it felt when someone's beloved died. I thought before we were born to die that it would be true, one day it would come to no matter. But what I was unaware of is the pain we face when someone dies. We can only realize it when we lose some precious people of ours. I just want to share how it feels when lost. Just show your love to the person, don't regret it in life because once they die, they don't come back. Just tell how you feel; just support them; just stay with them and just smile at them until the last day, because the time won't wait. Because the bitterness of the pain of death is bitter than the bitter guard. Only can understand when experiencing.