2 Chp 1 - Mirror Mirror on the wall

Xan POV

My preferred way of working out was dancing, no actually my whole life revolved dancing. Think about it every second of the day, and doing it every free second of the day.

Dancing wasn't just a way for me to work out. Without dancing I wouldn't have anything to differentiate me from everyone else. Exactly the same, normal. I could say I was in love.

There was one obstacle I faced whenever I was dancing. The mirrors, the whole wall was a whole big mirror.

When I was younger I used to obsess over the mistakes I made in class, every small movement done wrong was done I would do again straight away. When i got home I would go to the bathroom trying to fix everything. I had an addiction to looking at myself.

I ignored everything else, my grades steadily went down. So my mother stopped the classes until I got them back up. So I studied, and practiced whenever I went to the bathroom not having classes made it so their was no new choreography giving more time to obsess over my current dancing.

My mother found out and ended up breaking the mirror. So I just started solely focusing on studying to go back to dance classes as fast as possible.

At present, I danced until there was no mistakes. Now I could only rely on the shadows of myself, as well as the feedback others gave to me.

During dance class, I looked only at the backs of my fellow classmates. One of my classmates in particular seemed to have a large and lonely back, he looked happy on the outside but he probably had a bit more to him then what his exterior was.

I copied the movements of my fellow classmates without knowing how I looked like doing them. I could only trust my experience and hope I was doing it correctly. Through years of doing this, I had become somewhat of an expert at it.

Whenever I danced I always made sure to wear a mask just in case I ever caught a glimpse of myself most of my face would be covered. It was lucky you were allowed to choose what you wore during dance class.

Though I doubted I would ever allow myself to get a glimpse of myself. The school encouraged creativity this was an art school after school. Except for being able to wear whatever you wanted for dance as long as it was appropriate the student here were allowed to add their own modifications to their uniforms.

As I improved, I moved closer and closer to the front, until I was actually at the front. There were no backs to stare at except the teachers.

But doing what I had done had already been borderline of breaking my first rule what was I to do now? I could stand behind the teacher but one wrong look and I would accidently see a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

I didn't know what to do, but what was I supposed to say?

I don't want to look at myself in the mirror?

I couldn't stop dancing, of course, it was my life. So instead I made a compromise. I would look in the mirror but not at my reflection but at the teachers.

If I couldn't look at her reflection, because she moved close to the side I was on or something similar I could just look at someone else's reflection. I could only hope I wouldn't make any mistakes

I didn't want to admit it to myself but being in the front was great. It was easier to see the teacher's movements and it was more open. Sweat trickled down and soaked my clothes.

Mrs. Cardinal clap her hands signaling the end of the lesson

"That's the end of the lesson for today, make sure to review everything you have learned today," She reminded

Everyone started talking as they started to pack their bags, it was the last lesson of the day and I had gotten permission beforehand to practice here as always. Mrs. Cardinal waved at me before she turned to leave

"See you tomorrow, make sure to not practice for too long," She warned

"Okay," I say in my usual monotone voice.

The footsteps of others got quieter and I was alone in the studio. The only sound in the studio was my own breathing and beating heart. Outside was the distance sound of chatting teenagers as they left to go somewhere else.

I let out a deep breath feeling all my previous exhaustion from dancing earlier seem to wash away. I was excited to try out the new move for the choreography that I was working on.

I took my phone out of my school bag and turned it on, I searched for the song and started playing it. I tied a blindfold over my eyes, and by using my memory I found the center of the room.

Of course, I could use other methods like looking at my shadow to practice. But it was a bit dangerous to try that with the shiny floor. Even if I didn't look in the mirror everything was just so clean and shiny. Damn those janitors.

There wasn't a single chance of me seeing myself in the mirror if I did this. I started to dance to the music and I knew something felt wrong for some reason a few seconds after I started.

It seemed my body just wasn't moving how I wanted it to. It felt a bit stiff for some reason I wasn't sure. I had been just fine during the lesson what was wrong with me now?

I furrowed my eyebrows in frustration as I jumped flying in the air. Though something was wrong I continued to dance, I wouldn't stop till the end.

The new move I was hoping to try out was approaching as the time for me to try it got closer I realized how stupid it was to try it for the first time with a blindfold.

I put my hands on the floor and went into almost a handstand. I tried to slowly lower myself to the ground starting with my chest, I thought I had succeeded but there was still a bit left in the end I ended up losing my momentum and I landed hard on my toes.

I could feel the throbbing of my toes as I continued to lower myself down. But I still wanted to finish the dance. I rolled over and got up and finished the dance with my toe throbbing in pain throughout the movements.

When the song had finished I knew what had been wrong the moment I heard the sound of clapping. I had been watched by someone this whole time?

I was fine with people watching me dance, but I was vulnerable when I danced with a blindfold on. When I had a blindfold I couldn't see someone could easily trip or push me over as I danced.

Making sure to turn away from the mirror I took off the blindfold to see who had been the one watching me.

I then made a decision that next time I wouldn't doubt the feeling of something being wrong, I didn't want this to happen again. I would just stop dancing next time.

As soon as I took the blindfold off a pair of hands covered my eyes. His hands were cold, it was unpleasant.

My stomach stirred uncomfortably. I didn't like people touching me unless I was close to them, did this stranger think he could just touch me so suddenly? My cold aura leaked out, and a frown was etched onto my face.

I made sure to seem as annoyed as I could possibly look. Because I really was.

"Guess who it is~" A silvery voice whispered in my ear, a slight chill went down my spine.

"Well, actually you don't know who I am in the first place," The hands were raised from my face and light entered my vision once again.

I immediately turned around to see a handsome man with a big grin on his face, his amber orbs looked into mine.

I looked at the ground I hadn't expected him to make eye contact with me. His long straight black hair was tied in a ponytail and went to his hips, and he had tanned skin.

"Did you see?" I questioned coldly, I was almost completely sure but I still asked.

"See what? See you dance?" The mysterious man replied.

"Yes, did you see?" I repeated my question.

"Well, why else would I have clapped?" He had answered with another question. But I guess it still answered my question.

"Is there a reason that you're here?" I had booked this studio, and there were no other bookings after mine. So why was he here?

"Well, my younger brother made the mistake of leaving his bag here. So I had graciously headed here to get it for him. It seemed I made a good choice as I got to see you dance," I didn't see how retrieving your brother's bag had anything to do with covering a random stranger's eyes. I was increasingly not liking this guy even more by the second.

"Well, are you going to retrieve it now?"

"Well, why wouldn't I?" Did he like to answer all questions with questions or something? I watched as he picked up the stray black bag and he hung it over his shoulder.

"Well, I'm going to be on my way now, by the way, your dancing is really good," He gave me a thumbs-up as he walked away, and as soon he was gone.

I covered my face in my hands and breathed out slowly I felt a little warm in the cheeks but that was probably because I had just been dancing . I writhed in my embarrassment inwardly.

Someone had seen me dancing while I was blindfolded. After checking he was gone and spraying some pain relieving spray on my toes.

I continued to practice dancing. I really wished that the studio didn't have windows, because of them it was easy for someone to watch someone dance without them knowing.

But then I remembered the feeling of his hands touching me, and I felt uncomfortable again. By now it should've gotten better, but it really hadn't. I trembled, all this would go away with dancing as always wouldn't it?

It was harder to breathe as I wore this mask as a safety measure. Though the chance of me actually needing it was low i was good at this after all. Maybe all of the warm air from under my mask would moisturize my skin.

As I danced I couldn't help but look back on my past, not looking at myself in the mirror had made me a horrible dancer. I couldn't see my own mistakes but from hours of practicing with my shadow after classes.

I got better and I could rely on my muscle memory, but that still wasn't enough. I got behind whenever we started to learn new moves.

From years of practice, I had mastered mirroring the movements of the teacher, with my strong foundation I also already knew most of the movements.

When I practiced I liked to imagine in my mind how the dance would look like to the audience's perspective. I could only imagine a black silhouette dancing on stage, I couldn't exactly imagine me if I didn't know what I looked like, I could imagine my black silhouette I saw in the shadows.

I thought back to the guy that had watched me dance, I wondered what he did. It was one of the arts as this was an art high school, the question was which one? Theatre, or maybe fashion? He was pretty out there.

I wasn't exactly good at pin-pointing what one majored in. Why was I thinking about this? What he majored in didn't affect me, but I couldn't help but think, maybe he did dance as well?

He had complimented me on my dancing. Though it might just be because his younger brother does dancing that he complimented me. But even someone with no dancing knowledge could compliment a dancer.

Instead of practicing the things I had learned in class I liked to make my own choreography. Of course, I still practiced these things. Without a basic foundation of dance, you couldn't start choreographing your own dances.

My body moved with every count that passed in my head, I closed my eyes listening to the music. I would never get tired of listening to music. A small smile slowly emerged on my face as I continued to dance. I only smiled while I was alone, or dancing.

I stopped smiling in front of others a long time ago. It brought back unpleasant memories of my previous self.

After a few hours, I was finished with my session. After drinking from my bottle it was now empty of water. I would refill it with water on the way back to the dorms but first I needed to stretch my muscles.

My throat felt a bit dry, maybe I should've bought more water but it would've taken more space up in my school bag as well as make it heavier. I took long breaths ignoring how uncomfortable the stretches were, how could stretching ever be a relaxing thing?

Though the one thing I liked about stretching was the feeling of hugging your legs to your body after torturing them.

I then undid my blindfold and looked at the one wall without windows or a mirror. I walked sideways with my white dance bag hung over my shoulder and my school bag on my back.

I held my water bottle in my hand. I turned off the lights and locked the studio. As I walked back to the dorms I found the water fountain and refilled my bottle.

I looked straight ahead to avoid seeing my reflection on the surface of the metal. Once I felt the water touch my hand from the bottle overflowing I screwed the top of the bottle back on and went on my way.

I drank big gulps of water as I walked I had been thirsty for a while now.

I had long gotten used to the artworks throughout the hallway and didn't stop to look at them. My dance bag occasionally bounced and hit me. I eventually arrived at the dormitory, the dorm leader ticked my name off the list after seeing I had come before curfew.

When I went into my room, I suddenly remembered that I had homework. Just as I did every other day I forgot that I had homework from being too absorbed in dancing.

I took the books out of my school bag and started to work on my homework. I had always rushed my homework so I also had a fast typing speed. I let my fingers move and put down what came in my mind.

After I would sift through and use my grammar checker. I just wanted to get the homework over with.

Although I tried to rush through I often mistakenly did more than needed, my expectations were just too high.

Then other times I would think of how the teachers would think of me if my standard of work suddenly went down, and so I was in a constant cycle of doing more than needed.

What kept me able to stay awake and complete my homework was the music that I played. I wouldn't fall asleep as I would want to finish hearing the song before falling asleep then another song would play and I would want to hear it to the end as well.

After finishing my homework I stuffed the books back into my school bag and plugged my laptop into it's charger.

It would be nice if school just consisted of only dancing but instead, in the first half of the day you would have to do your academics, and in the second half you would do your elective.

My elective was of course dance. The other electives were Music, Fashion, Theatre, Writing, Visual Arts, and Film and Digital Media.

I stretched my arms and then washed up. Because of my long skincare routine, it took a while before I would actually go to bed. There was a black cloth that I hung over the mirror, and all the blinds were closed.

Though there were still lots of other things I could still see my reflection in such as the tap. What could be a normal thing for someone, could be a bad thing for me.

The screen of my phone was one of my biggest enemies there had been many close calls in my life.

I then finally was ready for bed and I could rest my tired limbs. I had a habit of drinking a cup of water before going to bed and drinking a cup when waking up.

So I made sure to leave a cup of water on the bedside table

I covered myself in my blankets savoring its warmth and feel into a deep slumber.

____

"Oh you're so handsome," Lies, their all lies.

"What did you eat to look like that?"

"I'm so jealous you're so handsome~" His gaze had fake envy, as his eyes looked over my face.

All these compliments are just white lies. They aren't true I know it.

I didn't want to become like my past self. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.

"I wonder how he's going to look when he grows up,"

"I feel like I'm not worthy of him, he needs a girl equally as pretty as he is,"

"He looks just like a doll, is he real?"

The people around me didn't change, I changed. But those saying the same thing sounded different now.

"Don't you think he acts like he's better than us?"

"Does he think he's better than us just because of how he looks,"

Lots of people assumed things because of my looks, good or bad.

"I bet he's going to get all the ladies when he grows up,"

"How could that cute little kid have done that? Look he's so handsome I want to pinch his cheeks,"

The thing was I had actually did it...