-1-

My days have always left me with the feeling that they are a bunch of parallel lines that aren't meant to meet, and yet people talked about these full circles; these moments where something or even everything just makes sense.

The concept existed but I wasn't at the receiving end of it until the year after my dad, who I call Baba passed away.

To get to that, I'll have to talk about him and I; what it was like growing up with only him and how I was completely alone when I lost him. You'll see how I learned to cope with loss, which may be strange but everyone's got a mind of their own and this is how mine works.

At points my person would come up. The one person I never saw coming yet was there all along. My person got a lot of names but they won't make sense until it's a full circle.

What do you see when you look in the mirror? A big nose? Pimples? A head that doesn't quite fit the body? Too much fat? Not enough fat? Broad shoulders? Short torso and long legs? Weird face? Messy hair? A beautiful smile?

You know what I see in the mirror? A shooting star.

I was born on one October 30th morning. The reason why you need to know this detail is, first, because my first friend ever who goes by the name "Charlie Chapwin" only showed up on my birthdays starting with my 9th all the way to the 14th… then disappeared. Second, because he showed up in the same custom every single year and only talked through writing on flashcards. This wasn't at all weird to me since my birthday is Halloween's eve.

On my 9th birthday, Baba went out to get some missing cake ingredients. We often did everything together but I stayed home that night; Miss Tea our neighbor whose balcony's facing ours was out caring for her mints and that always fascinated me.

She's got her whole balcony covered with various mint plants. She introduced me to the fact that there were more than just one kind of mint when she invited me over for tea.

Miss Tea's the reason why I associate the smell of mint with home. She's also my hero because lately I've been needing to stay awake and I don't like coffee but she made me realize how delicious and caffeinated mint in black tea is.

So, when Baba came back from the supermarket I saw a new look of happiness on his face, "we have a guest coming over" he said beaming. We put out an extra plate, extra fork and as I was getting an extra birthday hat out of the bag, "he won't be needing that" he smiled.

A few hours later the doorbell rang and I answered the door. There was a figure standing there… he had a puffy hair, wore a huge grey blazer and pants, yellow suspenders, a red nose, huge white shoes and a black bowler hat.

"The Halloween party is at apartment 111" I said and slowly pushed the door to close it while keeping an eye on him, he didn't move.

Then once the door was shut, he rang the bell again and I answered swiftly and he stood there with still expressions.

He pulled a deck of flashcards from his jacket's inside pocket and wrote: "Your dad invited me over." and I realized he was the guest Baba talked about. I apologized and asked him to get in.

"You made it!" Baba said and I've never seen Baba this happy to see someone new.

Charlie – of course at that moment I didn't know his name yet so I named him custom guy, nodded at Baba who made us sit together as he went back to the kitchen. Suddenly the cake's finishing touches took about an hour, in which Charlie and I sat in awkward silence until he finally took out the deck of flashcards again and wrote: "Happy Birthday!"

Being an introverted person with low knowledge on normal interactions I merely squinted at him then thanked him and wasn't sure I wanted to introduce myself just yet. That's when Baba called me from the kitchen: "Yagalbi!" and I looked at Charlie, smiled awkwardly and went to Baba who wanted me to get our guest a bottle of water. He didn't know if Charlie needed anything considering he wouldn't speak so he wanted to offer something just in case.

I gave Charlie the bottle and he drank the whole thing right away then showed me his card that read: "Yagalbi?" then he pointed at me and I nodded.

He wrote again: "I'm Charlie Chapwin."

"That sounds made up!" I said looking at him with disbelief. He smiled and took on his card again scribbling with excitement this time: "and Yagalbi doesn't?" He smirked at me and I decided I didn't like him.

Baba brought the excessively garnished cake and started singing while Charlie clapped along. Past the red nose and his quiet presence, I saw a glimpse of a friend in him and I was glad Baba invited him over.

That was the first time we met.

The last time I ever saw Charlie was on my 14th birthday. He came around and I noticed how much we grew between the times we got to see each other. His clothes were starting to fit him better. The shoes turned right his size and his hair grew puffier; the hat looked like it was floating on a black messy cloud. Throughout the humble count of birthdays he came around, he developed a little thing that we call our own.

He'd flip a mirror to make it face the ceiling and we'd walk around standing on opposite sides holding it together. The game is simple, to imagine ourselves walking on the ceiling. It was all fun and games until it was time to pass through the twirling fan and the little chandelier, that was quite intense.

A couple years into playing this mirror game, Charlie grew tired of passing the same obstacles our humble ceiling offered. So, he asked Baba through writing if we could take it outside. Baba ended up preparing for barbeque since the weather was nice, and we went to The Baggy Park, the only park in this part of town and it was empty.

Baba set everything and put the chicken and eggplants on the grill to cater had Charlie's diet been plant-based. He took on preparing the food while Charlie and I were walking around holding the mirror facing the sky, looking down at it.

He looked grim. He probably like me, realized the clear dark sky was a worse idea than our boring ceiling… it was completely clear for a good 10 minutes, but then it happened, a shooting star's reflection appeared on the mirror tearing the blackness reflected on it in half.

I was so happy I started screaming, freaked Baba out and almost lost grip on the mirror. But I kept it together, closed my eyes and wished for Charlie to remain in my life until he'd outgrow his custom so I can finally see him.

That's when I opened my eyes to seeing Charlie looking grim, still. He calmly put down the mirror and wrote on a flashcard:

"That was a mere reflection and so am I. I shouldn't have ever made you look down and I should've introduced my real self."

After that the only good thing was realizing eggplants really came in handy then we ate the cake in quiet. I mean, it's always been quiet with Charlie but that night it was too quiet.

Today I'm old enough to remember things that happened 2 decades ago, well vaguely. And I haven't seen Charlie ever since that night. I wouldn't even be able to recognize him without a custom. Besides, he should be all grown up by now.

He's probably one of those people whistling at me on their way out of the parking, he'd be laughing at me and I wouldn't even know it.

Oh yes, I'm a parking building guard, I just started working here a week ago. So far, it's been good; no one's interacting with me. All I do is push a button to knock the drop arm down even though it's free to park here but it's a job and I need the distraction.

It's been about 9 days since Baba had passed and I still hadn't experienced a proper reaction to losing everyone I know in one person. Baba was my only family and my only friend, which is hard to gain I learned. It's not like I go to school and the ones seated next to me would feel forced to introduce themselves. That would've been easier.

Well, not really, I shan't kid myself! Honestly, I was in school until I graduated high school and not one person would still be in touch with me. I sometimes see former classmates; they'd look me in the eyes yet only whistle at me or honk their horns for me to do something about the drop arm so they could drive away.

"The barrier ma'am, please."

Did I just hear someone talking? I just said they never talk! This always happens to me; I always jinx things!

"Um, don't call me man" I hesitated and pushed the button, "pleaje!" now my please sounds like pleaje?

There were 2 girls in a car, the one in the passenger seat was snorting, maybe laughing at me… but I pressed the button again seeing the drop arm hadn't moved.

"She didn't say MAN, my uptight sister called you ma'am even though you look like a baby" the one in the passenger seat corrected me with a chuckle.

"Oh, well, don't call me ma'am either, pleaje" I said as my heart felt like it moved a few inches into my throat.

"So I keep telling her" the girl in the passenger seat joked I think and she punched the driver on the shoulder, who looked at me with a straight face and said "but seriously, there might be something wrong with the drop arm."

"Right."

I left the cabin, where I usually sit and wait and tried to manually lift the drop arm and it wouldn't move. Both girls left the car to help me, thank god the gate wasn't busy.

"I think you were supposed to untie this," the driver girl said untying the rope keeping the drop arm from going up then gave a faint smile that didn't do anything to her rigid looking face.

I went back to my cabin, pressed the button and it finally lifted, "sorry, thought I took care of that already" I said through the window.

The driver told me that it's okay we all forget while getting back to the car. The other one though, was suddenly interested.

"I think you were in my class the other day," she squinted her eyes and pointed at me with such suspicion.

"But I don't go to school!" I answered defensively as if she accused me with something…

"Really?" her finger was still pointed at me, "I could swear your twin was reading a poem in my movie class the other day…"

She said that and I couldn't talk, all I did is give a forced, weird, toothy smile in hopes that she'd just stop talking to me and get in the car and leave me in my box.

"What's your name?" she asked as her finger finally quit pointing at me and was in a fist she placed on her right side.

She does look friendly but I can't tell her my name, then she might know it was me! And that wasn't a poem that I read, it was a story…

"Ah, Bliss" why I always have to say ah before saying my name is beyond me!!! Like, I know I'm socially awkward but do I really have to think when the answer is my own name?

As I was thinking about that, I gave another toothy smile. I caught glimpse of the driver who had her arms folded on her chest, both her hands under her armpits.

I unconsciously smiled at the sight of that; Baba used to fold his arms and end his hands under his armpits, "keeps me warm" he said. The driver looked cold though… but that's just my shallow assessment.

"So it is you!" passenger seat girl was strangely beaming at me.

She walked to me with her arm stretched and shook my hand eagerly, "I'm Juicy, Juicy-Scarlett, you can call me Juicy, Juice or Scar, not Scar from The Lion King but Scar from Harry Potter's forehead, okay?" I nodded while she went on…

"This is my sister Blue, Blue-March" she pointed at the driver who smiled and stretched her arm through her window to mine and I shook her hand too feeling awkward as ever, "you can call her Blue; March is just weird"

"Okay," I said desperately hoping for a car to come honk at them to move and just leave, yet I'm here stuck with these girls who want to talk! Talk? I wasn't built for that stuff, not outside my head at least… or with Jade, I can talk to Jade!

"We live in an apartment downtown, we're just here to pick our friend up" Juicy-Scarlett said pointing at the car.

Is she talking about the car? I know neighbors who name their cars so I guess that's normal. Mr. Jacob who is colorblind calls his green car Crimson, people often mocked him but that's how he sees it. He wouldn't yield no matter how much he was made fun of though, he even colored his pick-up truck lime green and called it "Vermilion". He was one of the few people who never cared what people said, I always admired him for that.

"Dani!!! Dani" Juicy-Scarlett was suddenly hissing at the car.

"Juice won't drop this until you'd introduced yourself" Blue-March said looking through the rear-view mirror and then a messy blue haired head popped from the backseat.

"Hi" the 3rd girl waved at me from behind the window and lowered herself again.

Blue-March then rolled the back window down and talked to the rear-view mirror again, "surely you can do better than that."

The messy blue haired girl's head popped again and she hardly smiled at me. "Hi, I'm Danielle" she talked like she was forced to, "I like long walks anywhere remote from sea and asking people to piss off" she casually added and took my hand in hers. I shook her hand and hoped my face didn't show how anxious I feel.

"Okay" I said as my vocabulary bailed on me.

"I don't know how to formally introduce myself, that was nothing against you" she said getting back to her seat not hiding this time.

"Nice meeting you all" I said trying not to talk longer or my voice would break and my words won't make sense. This is the longest conversation I've had in a week and it's making me nervous!

Juicy-Scarlett finally got to her seat; they're probably leaving now.

"Now let's pump the trunk and introduce Iris so we can hit the road" Danielle said looking dead serious at Juicy-Scarlett who gave a silly laugh while I found myself awkwardly staring at the trunk. "I was kidding" she shook her head with a hint of a smile.

Or maybe I'm imagining a smile, she just has one of those faces that you think is smirking but she's actually smiling. I now notice her eyebrows are shaven but her face looks nothing less than perfect.

"So, what are you doing this weekend?" Juicy-Scarlett asked leaning over who now I learned is her sister Blue-March, who looked at me waiting for an answer, Danielle was looking at me as well. Is it that obvious I won't be hanging with anyone?

"Just staying home, maybe work overtime" I looked unsure; I don't want them to take pity on me. We just met, you don't have to hang with me.

"Orrrr" Juicy started "maybe come downtown to Iris's Frost?" she asked and I looked confused. I don't know this place and why does it have such an awful name? I'm not sure I can pronounce it!

"Do you know it?" Blue-March asked and I said no. Then Juicy was suddenly giving me directions from the farmer's market, which I didn't know very well.

"So, the farmer market, gate number 3" Juicy-Scarlett started, "from there start walking on the right side to the end of the square and then take a right turn and Iris's Frost should be across the street from you, I think" I couldn't really imagine where that was; I only know gate number one and I haven't been there in a while.

"No, you stretched it way too much" Danielle looked unimpressed at Juicy who started explaining again, "no, I think it's from gate number 2…"

"Ma'am" Blue-March said interrupting Juicy-Scarlett who totally lost me and the girls shook their heads, Daniel gave an eye roll repeating "ma'am!".

I just felt uncomfortable and hoped it doesn't show on my face, "sorry, I mean Bliss." Blue-March went on ignoring the others, "there's a bus stop close to the intersection by the market. If you look ahead you'll find Iris's Frost, it's right there you won't miss it. You think you got it?"

I looked at the other girls and they looked as if they knew Blue-March would give the best directions. I nodded knowing I forgot the directions already.

Every day when my shift's over and the sun isn't out yet, I climb up to the roof of this parking building and wait for it to shine.

I'd look at my part of town where my sight gets blocked by tall buildings that are packed with individuals and families. Where there's random small shops in between buildings: mini pharmacies, mini marts, cheap beauty parlors, cheaper barbershops, DVD rentals and small restaurants where you can sit and dine while unintentionally eavesdropping on everyone's conversations.

Then I look at the other part of town. Past the vibrant downtown is a University in the middle of a sea of nice houses with their own parking, garages I mean. There's spaces and gardens, gyms and football, basketball and cricket courts.

My sight can go as far as it wants looking this way and it's lovely. So lovely that one day this kid Aaron Bowl was too eager to work downtown away from this crowded neighborhood we're in. He applied everywhere desperate for a job but was rejected one too many times.

He often walked around the farmer market and came back here when he got hungry; there were not much of options there. Only nice restaurants, cafés, frozen yogurt places and a shop that literally just sold raspberry slushies and prawn flavored chips.

That's when he started needling woods together and made a food stand that he installed to the back of his bike and took it all the way downtown to introduce street food to the posh community. At first he got arrested for not getting a permit but then he did and now you can get a cheap warm steamed chickpeas mixed with red pickles, cumin, salt and a bit of vinegar from conveniently and weirdly "Aaron's Bowls".

After that everyone from here rushed for their food stand permit! At first we were keeping up with the names and dishes.

A girl named Maria started selling barbequed chicken on stick. The son of the baker here and a bunch of his friends made their own amazing burger recipe and sold it with the help of the burger buns his dad provided. The excess baking of bread just made every morning smell like the best day.

We basically invaded the downtown with our foods from sticky rice dessert, baked potatoes, fried potatoes, zaatar pies, everything we could afford to sell for cheap.

Baba had a food stand called "Meat Wrapped in Dough, though!" which demonstrates our lack of creativity while stating exactly what we sold: seasoned ground beef wrapped in a thin dough topped with cream and melted cheese that we served fresh out of the oven.

It wasn't good money so it didn't last for long considering too the amount of time it wasted… but Baba loved interacting with people. When he passed away, I knew I couldn't keep up with the jobs he had so this security job is easier and doesn't relate to Baba in any way.

Our apartment is on the 11th floor and there's no elevators, we're only halfway through the building. I wonder how exhausted my upper floors neighbors are.

Sometimes when I'm tired the walk back home is a long way, but the stairs are something else, it's a long climb. On each floor there are 4 apartments, no one knowns anyone; they're constantly changing. I only met some of the people living on our floor once when they helped me with Baba and then we went back to being strangers.

This is the same house Baba bought when he and mom got engaged. The same house my mom, Baba and sister once lived in.

Often I wonder if they ever thought it was too little for a family! Yet here I am standing in the middle of it between the kitchen and the living room, facing the room Baba turned into 2 rooms so I can have my own, next to the one bathroom and I think it's too big of a place.

Usually when things got overwhelming, I would run downstairs and get into our broken car's passenger's seat, fasten the seatbelt and stay.

I would imagine my mom and sister giving me a group hug doing so, as pathetic as that may sound even to myself. But now I'm too tired, too emotionally drained to run back down to sit in a car. But I do need some sort of comfort. It's been almost 2 weeks since I last saw or called him.

"Baba" such a lovely word.

My nose started to bleed because I smashed it so hard on the apartment's door. The strangest thing started happening after Baba was buried and gone, I made a habit of smashing my nose on every door. Apparently, I started assuming all closed doors would magically open in front of me. For some reason I thought the jinx would finally wear off and my luck would suddenly be so good I won't have to ever turn a knob again.