27 I'm Not How I Appear to Be In Front of Everyone

Shouko could safely say she was too calm.

She was way too calm in dealing with this kind of situation.

As a person who claimed to lost five years' worth of her memory, her action right now didn't befit with her current condition. That was what had been lingering in her mind.

Right from the start, she didn't actively pester Kyoya or anyone else to know the missing pieces of her memory instead, her pace was quite poised. She was also easy to adapt to the fact that she had been married to a man for five years.

Shouko didn't take pride in being so level-headed. She just didn't like throwing herself into self-pity. Instead of burdening her mind and putting chaos within her heart, she was more prone to let the matter unfolded bit by bit.

Furthermore, her two trusted loved ones, Ono and Aunt Masako themselves had told her that Kyoya was a good husband to her. It would be a waste for her to dwell further on the matter.

That was why she finally decided to focus on learning about her husband back because for Shouko, by doing so, it might help her to unravel the mystery one by one.

The night autumn air in the suburbs was way colder than in the city. Even with the special heating in the room, Shouko woke up due to the cool air. She tightened her quilt around her body. Her eyes blinked a few times, trying to get a clearer image of the room.

Soft light of the moon penetrated through the gaps of the curtains. It was a beautiful sight coming from the lake. Shouko smiled when she was reminded of where she was right now.

Suddenly, she remembered a certain someone who should be sleeping in the next room.

He should be alright tonight, en?

After all, she thought what she had done and said during the day could help to ease some of his worries. He had looked so happy with her proposal.

But, her prediction was incorrect.

"Ergh..."

Shouko froze once she heard the grunt. It was a familiar voice. She turned around, her eyes widened to see Kyoya who was sitting on a couch at the corner of the room.

"No... don't..."

He sounded so helpless in his sleep. Shouko's heart tightened. She scrambled on her feet, running to get to his side.

"Kyoya..."

Shouko was perplexed to see him tossing and turning on the couch. His expression worsened in every second. His forehead had already been damp by sweat.

"Kyoya, it's alright. It's alright. Everything is alright..."

Shouko went closer to him. She softened her tone even when her heart was shuddering seeing him like this. This was the worst one she had seen of him being haunted by his nightmare.

"Don't..."

Shouko yelped when he suddenly leaned forward and grabbed her. His hand pressed tightly around her arm. She fell on his lap. Before she could react, he had already embraced her tightly. His whole body was trembling, his breathing turned labor as he still spoke incoherently in his sleep.

"Don't... please... don't go..."

Shouko stiffened, she quickly took a deep breath to calm her erratic heart. After a moment, she gathered her senses back and began to analyze him.

"Don't... leave... don't... please... I'll be good..."

He looked so afraid, so void of hope. The softest part of her heart ached terribly when she saw his current state.

Shouko raised one hand, she gently stroked his head. His silky strand of hair went through her fingers. Even though she was a bit uncomfortable being hugged so tightly like this, she could only endure it. Her main priority right now was to appease him.

"Kyoya..."

Her fingertips traced his dark brows. She smiled wearily as she sensed his body stiffening once she touched him before he gradually relaxed.

"I'm here..."

She pursed her lips, she wrapped her free hand around his waist, her palm gently patting his back. His pajama had been drenched with sweat.

"I'm not leaving..."

The sound of his heartbeat echoed in her ears as she slowly resting her forehead against his left shoulder. It was so loud as if it could burst out of his chest.

"You are not alone..."

Shouko repeated her words. She didn't stop even after Kyoya had been lured out from his nightmare. Her soft voice drifted off in the air, gently comforting him. As her eyelids grew heavier, her voice turned quieter until, in the end, she fell asleep in his arms.

The passage of time continued to flow. Two breaths softly intertwined with one another as the distance between them decreased.

The sun had already out by the time Shouko woke up. She squinted her eyes before she slowly opened them. Even though she had just been awoken, Shouko still could recall what happened before she went back to sleep.

She slept while embracing him on the couch.

But, instead of feeling his arms around her, she found that she was laying on her bed.

"!"

Shouko quickly sat up, she almost staggered due to dizziness. She groaned in pain. Her fingers pressed her temple. Once she stabilized, she looked around the room but there were no traces of him.

The clock was showing 8:30 AM.

"He carried me to bed?" Shouko mumbled.

After tidying the bed, Shouko went to wash her face and brushed her teeth. Looking at her freshened state, she smiled wearily. At this time, she could somehow feel that a certain someone was currently fidgeting for what happened last night. She wrapped her shoulders with a shawl and went downstairs.

Her prediction was right.

Shouko found Kyoya in the kitchen. He was grilling two fishes for breakfast. Just from one look, she could tell he was thinking of something. His eyes were on the pan yet his gaze was lackluster.

"Kyoya, good morning," Shouko softly greeted him as she stepped inside the kitchen.

Kyoya froze, his shoulders jolted once he heard her voice. He turned back, his movement was stiff like he was forcing himself to face her. When his eyes landed on her smiling face, he blanked out.

"Oh... that... morning... I..."

Kyoya quickly lowered his head, both of his hands clenched the sides of his pants. Creases began to form due to his tight clutches. His eyes darted left and right nervously. He looked everywhere but her face. Shouko just stood in front of him, she smiled helplessly.

"Kyoya..."

"I'm sorry!" Kyoya suddenly interjected her. He raised his head, looked at her for a second before he once again hung his head low. "About... last night... sorry..."

Kyoya was really unsure how to face Shouko right now. As usual, he sneaked inside her room but his nightmare last night was too torturous. He didn't remember much about it except for one thing.

A gentle voice slowly guiding him out of the abyss.

Once he woke up, he was horrified to find Shouko sleeping on his lap. What was more terrifying was he was embracing her tightly.

He didn't need to think further about what had actually happened last night.

He was finally caught by her.

"I'm sorry..." He muttered again. His eyes were still on the floor, afraid to look at her. "Last night, I... I'm sorry."

He could only say sorry. He couldn't bear telling her the truth.

If he said he couldn't sleep without her, what would she think of him? Shouko had finally taken another step toward him. Wouldn't it all be in vain due to his careless act?

As Kyoya was blaming himself inwardly, a soft touch brought him back to reality.

His lashes fluttered, his eyes slowly regained focus. They settled on the small hand that was holding his wide palm before they raised up to the white sleeve of a cashmere sweater and finally landed on her smiling face.

"Shouko..."

"You didn't sleep well last night, right?" Shouko lifted up her free hand, her fingertips traced his cheeks. The lights in his eyes were duller than usual. "Why don't we find a place to rest after breakfast? I saw a platform under a tree in the yard. The tree could be a nice shade for us."

Kyoya was baffled. It was obvious he didn't expect to receive such a warm gesture. He pursed his lips, thought for a moment before he carefully nodded.

They ate their breakfast. Shouko was amazed by his decent culinary skill. She tried to converse with him yet Kyoya kept his head down throughout their meal. Knowing he was still conflicted with what had happened, she decided to not pester him.

Kyoya would occasionally sneak a peek at the little lady sitting opposite him. Every time he did so, dread would fill his heart.

Afraid of her mocking him.

Afraid of her staying away from him.

Afraid of her looking at him with eyes full of hatred.

Kyoya knew Shouko wasn't a lady with such behavior but his human heart couldn't help but feel inferior when he was facing this kind of situation.

Seeing Kyoya was so distracted when they were washing the dishes, Shouko asked him to bring out a few quilts and pillows to the platform. He nodded and moved stiffly upstairs.

"Silly," Shouko laughed helplessly.

Once Shouko was done, she immediately went out to the yard. The morning sun was bright and the autumn air was crisp. Not far from the villa, she saw Kyoya who was standing in front of the platform. He had laid the quilt and pillows on the flat surface.

Shouko paused her step, she began eyeing him.

This man, who seemed like he had the sky and earth covered in his palm, actually wasn't as tough and strong as he had appeared to the eyes of the world. He was as human as everyone else.

He also had his own shares of demons and darkness within him.

Shouko walked again, heading to the man who stood with his shoulders slumped. As the wind blew past her, the end of her hair scattered behind her back. The hem of her skirt fluttered in the air. Her eyes felt stung and she knew it wasn't because of the wind.

Then, she stopped beside him.

Kyoya's hands started to tremble once he noticed her appearance. He had to clasp the hem of his sweater tightly to avoid it was looking obvious to her. His heartbeat accelerated. He wanted to speak but no words came out of his mouth. At last, he could only purse his lips.

Shouko had long realized his restlessness. She didn't say anything as she quietly extended one of her hands and gently hold his. Her head tilted up as she looked at him.

"Kyoya, you don't have to feel sorry about last night."

Kyoya froze, he blanked for a moment before he stiffly turned to finally look at her.

Her clear and bright eyes greeted his sight.

"Shouko, I... Actually..." Kyoya paused, his mind was frantically searching for the right words to say. He averted his gaze from her face.

Shouko patiently waited for him to speak. If possible, she wanted him to let out everything he had buried deep within him but she knew this was not the right time. If, only if he could pour his heart out even for a bit, it was already enough.

As time passed and the gentle touch of hers remained on his hand, the uneasiness and dread that had been haunting him since the moment he woke up this morning gradually faded away.

Kyoya closed his eyes, he took a deep breath and put her smiling face in his entire focus.

Even though the sun was bright yet as its light was sneaking from the leaves above them before it fell on their whole persons, Kyoya felt like the little lady standing beside him was encased in a faint glow.

She looked ethereal and divine in his eyes.

"Shouko," The next second he spoke, his deep voice was low with a hint of uncertainty. He held her hand tightly, unwilling to be apart from her touch. "I'm not how I appear to be in front of everyone. I'm not as capable as you think but..."

His voice faltered. Kyoya hung his head low. He seemed low in spirit yet his hand around hers was still rigid. As he swept his gaze around the vast yard of the villa, his heart shuddered.

"It's not my intention to deceive you. Last night... and the previous nights, I've always slept in your room because..." Kyoya paused again. His hand trembled once more.

Shouko smiled softly but a thin mist had started to cloud her eyes. She took a step toward him, further decreasing their distance. Right now, both of her hands enveloped his.

Kyoya was perplexed. He turned back to look at her.

"Kyoya, if you don't want to say it, it's alright," Her voice was so soft as both of her eyes were directed at him. "I just want you to know, whether you say it or not, whether you are strong or not, I would be here. I'm not going anywhere."

Once her words fell, they were drifted off by the wind around them yet he could still hear them clearly. Kyoya was in a daze.

If before he looked at her with a faint glow lacing her entire being, right now, she appeared so dazzling in his eyes.

She was the only color in his grey world.

Without thinking, he extended a hand and gently enveloping her in his embrace. As her sweet scent floated in the air by the drifting wind once she laid in his arms, the emptiness in his heart gradually was filled with warmth.